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Wife Notg

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  • Wife Notg

    Hi All,

    My wife and I are both young (33-yrs old) and have been happily married almost 11 years now, with 3 children. We used to have a lot of sex, at least once (if not more) per day, before we were married and the first several years after marriage. However, our current sex life has dwindled to lows that we're both unhappy with.

    Without making this too long of a read, I'll get straight to the facts. We now have sex maybe once every 3-4 days and we've agreed that the frequency is not satisfying enough, especially considering that we're both horny almost all the time. In attempt to correct the issue, we've done the adult thing to sit down and discuss our needs and make suggestions, yet I feel like I'm the only one who is making any physical effort.

    My wife's idea of making a sexual move is showering or putting on a night gown before she comes to bed. Maybe I am not understanding enough, but I need more than that. I need her to come lay down and kiss me, grope me, attack me or something! Or, sometimes she will be in another part of the house during the evening and text me "I'm down here, all alone and horny, come take advantage of me!" I really hate this move, because while that's my cue, I find it to be an extraordinarily lazy effort on her behalf which still requires me to make the first physical move.

    Now, I know you're thinking that this guy is a complete dumbass, the signs couldn't be clearer. But is having my wife make an aggressive, sexual move from time to time too much to ask for?
    Last edited by honrytoad; January 14th, 2019, 10:19 AM.

  • #2
    Oh you poor sex starved people . Its normal for things to slow down a little a few years down the line. Count yourself bloody lucky to be having sex as often as you are right now, with 3 kids to boot. How do you manage to fit it in with lots of kids around? Your wife must be exhausted dealing with them. You both sound like a pair of selfish nymphos and you especially are very unrealistic about real life.
    Last edited by Dazed & Confused; January 14th, 2019, 10:10 AM.

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    • #3
      At 33, after 11 years of marriage and 3 kids, you manage to do it once every 3-4 days?
      Do you know how lucky you both are?
      Have you read some of the other posters here, who complain about doing it maybe 5 times a year, if they are lucky?
      I'm afraid your views are far from realistic.

      So, you say you both want more sex. What's stopping you? Is it practical matters, fatigue, kids who get in the way?
      You say your wife is not making as much of an effort as you. Well, could it be that she just has responsabilities (like cooking, cleaning, getting the kids to bed etc) and can't just move those to the side to get laid?
      If that's the case, how about trying to make sure you take as many of these responsabilities off her hands as possible, so she has her evenings free for other things.

      I do think that you need to look at this a bit more realistically. With 3 young kinds, jobs and a household, all of which take priority over sex, you're just going to have to come to terms with your (already above average) sex life.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        Originally posted by honrytoad View Post
        Hi All,

        My wife and I are both young (33-yrs old) and have been happily married almost 11 years now, with 3 children. We used to have a lot of sex, at least once (if not more) per day, before we were married and the first several years after marriage. However, our current sex life has dwindled to lows that we're both unhappy with.

        Without making this too long of a read, I'll get straight to the facts. We now have sex maybe once every 3-4 days and we've agreed that the frequency is not satisfying enough, especially considering that we're both horny almost all the time. In attempt to correct the issue, we've done the adult thing to sit down and discuss our needs and make suggestions, yet I feel like I'm the only one who is making any effort.
        You are making effort to do what? Have sex? Or effort to reduce the workload around the house? So that you both have time for each other?

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        • #5
          I apologize, I accidentally posted this topic before I was complete. I will go back and edit to add more info. Thanks for the responses so far!

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          • #6
            Originally posted by honrytoad View Post
            I apologize, I accidentally posted this topic before I was complete. I will go back and edit to add more info. Thanks for the responses so far!
            Its pretty clear as it is. You want more sex but you think the wife don't put enough effort in. Like we all said, you have 3 kids and have a hell of allot of sex as it is so you should consider yourself very lucky. Most married couples don't have anywhere the amount of sex you two have so stop feeling hard done by.

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            • #7
              Now you've added your extra bit to you post, you sound like even more of an asshole. She is a mother of 3, takes care of them, cooks cleans, works, school runs etc, and you're complaining because she wont grope you? Start having some respect.

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              • #8
                Do you realise how spoiled you sound?

                You have a wife who, despite raising 3 kids, working and running a household on her own, still manages to dress up for you and initiate sex. You have an active, far above average sex life for a couple in your stages of life.
                And yet you colmplain that she doesn't jump you??! There is no pleasing you.
                I bet most guys on this forum would give their right arm to have a woman like that in their life. And you take her for granted and have the audacity to complain. Shame on you.

                If you wanted a porn star, you should have married one, and not had kids or a household to run. You can't have it all.
                You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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                • #9
                  So you're both wanting more sex, it's just a matter of how it is initiated. You wish she were more aggressive in initiating. That's a common complaint among couples, and one that is corrected by communicating one's desires and fantasies. Make specific suggestions, and see if she is willing to go along with them. Communication is the key. Maybe you didn't get into specifics when you tried to communicate with her, but you need to. I actually know a couple who had a similar problem, and it was causing friction in the marriage. They both had to work on finding out and then acting on their partner's desires. Don't expect your partner to read your mind on this. You have to communicate specifics of how you like things to go.

                  And I think you other posters are jumping to conclusions that he doesn't help around the house or whatever. You don't know that from what he has said.

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                  • #10
                    "But is having my wife make an aggressive, sexual move from time to time too much to ask for?"

                    Nope. And this is your issue, not hers. Like Mary said, you need to communicate with her.

                    Here's a suggestion. Get colored index cards, yours blue, hers pink. Each write down different sexual initiations, desires and scenarios they want from the other on cards of their color. Write down specific things you'd like from the other, could be the approach, what you wear, etc. Then alternate taking turns to read one of the cards from the other and when it's that persons turn, they follow what it says. Communication done. Your desires are met. So are hers.

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