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So sex, is I dont know at this point, need some help

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  • So sex, is I dont know at this point, need some help

    So this is kinda gonna be abit long, but me and my partner have been together for 5 years, at the start of the relationship everything was pretty sweet, sex was once a week kind of thing which is what we both agreed to, now coming to the last year and now, sex is slowly gotten from once a week to once a month or even once every 6-7 weeks at a time, and usually its the same old positions, which is okay, but its just lacking the excitement and intimacy for me. I have confronted her about this, and she blames her age (im 26 and shes 33) and that sometimes shes not in the mood for it or that the stuff I want to try that shes done with past guys isnt what she wants with me which i kinda get abit hmm okay maybe im not good enough kinda feeling, when we sometimes do bring sex up in passing conversation, we like to share the times where us as people did things before we met, like (sex in the park or different sex positions that we as a couple havent tried) I like to try different things, but its just like the sex as lost its zing, and that zing as started to effect the relationship, I love her i really do and i try my best to make her happy, but it seems its a one way thing now in the relationship (call me selfish, but its like working hard all week, and getting paid nothing) any thoughts on to why this is happened or what I can possibly do to fix it, as im worried that I'm starting to lose the drive to keep going

  • #2
    Sex and intimacy are important in any relationship.
    It's normal for sexual desire to fade slightly over the years. However in healthy relationships it doesn't disappear completely.
    Now, in your situation the age difference does play a big role. At 26 you're still racing with hormones and at your physical peak. She's not.

    Look, there's no shame in leaving someone because you're not - or no longer - sexually compatible. Just be well aware that it's likely that you're going to face the same issues in most relationships you'll encounter in the future. The frequency of sexual activity diminishes in almost every relationship, especially when people have busy careers or start a family.
    So you've got to ask yourself: is the lack of sex so bad that I want to throw away the whole relationship for it, only to end up having the same issues with someone else 5 years down the line?
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      She statistically has not even reached her sexual peak yet and you have passed yours.

      This is not about age but more about a normal plateau within a relationship in which you need to discuss with each other your sexual needs and wants.

      The important thing is to only discuss this topic when sex is not on the cards. Such as when out for dinner or in a public place so the discussion can be received without assumption that itís foreplay only.


      • #4
        That a big problem when people start thinking that if any of you don't want sex it's normal
        You have to talk about it and find the reason


        • #5
          You should definitely have a long and honest talk. This is important, and it's not selfish at all that you want sex. Don't be afraid to lose things, I mean don't cling to a sinking ship if that's what the relationship turns out to be. A relationship can never work if either side couldn't survive on their own.


          • #6
            Keeping your sex life alive is really important in a relationship, it helps you both stay connected and feel loved. Opening up and talking about it will really benefit you both.
            Have you ever thought about introducing sex toys into your relationship? This can be great if you want to experiment new things and help spice the relationship up... take a look at our blog 'How to Introduce Sex Toys into Your Relationship' and see if this can help you out any better.


            • #7
              Sounds like you need to have a couple of really tough conversations with her. The first one needs to focus on your performance. You need to have an open discussion about her needs and whether or not you have been fulfilling them. If she tells you that she is not fulfilled, you do not have the right to be defensive and justify. Just listen. Let her tell you what she needs.

              I donít know if you are physically fit. If you are not, you may want to consider doing some kind of exercise. Even if you do sit ups, it will strengthen your core and help your sexual performance.

              The second conversation is about her. Sex once a week is not very much. Furthermore, many woman start to have increased sex drive in their mid 30s, not less. She could be a woman who simply has a low sex drive. Or she could have been molested at a young age or raped. If this has happened to her, the 2 of you need to discuss it. If it has happened, you absolutely cannot judge her.