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boyfriend friends w/ girl he used to get nudes from and obsessed over him

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  • boyfriend friends w/ girl he used to get nudes from and obsessed over him

    hey everyone,

    I just wanted to probe your guys' minds about a particular issue of mine I am having with my current boyfriend...

    so the issue goes like this: my boyfriend has this friend of his that prior to our relationship he would receive a fair amount of nudes from (that he would accept happily and well… ya know), and would basically drool and obsess every waking minute over his existence in her life.
    How recent were those nudes sent compared to when were a thing you may wonder? March of that year and we started dating September of that year…
    How exactly did she basically profess her obsession/love for him you may wonder? Her social media accounts would never fall short of calling him “bestie/best friend” with heart emojis at the very least and sometimes the explicit phrase, “I love you” at times… all of these posts which he acknowledged and knew full well about…
    He initially told me that he received nudes from her but that was all I initially heard of her. Later on after I did some of my own digging, I saw that it was far more than just nudes that were exchanged and that they would talk endlessly, sometimes quite late till the time he’d go to sleep, blah, blah, blah and that is when I found the numerous posts of him on her Facebook. Upon asking him about her, he would state that they weren’t much of anything (and acted like their friendship didn’t mean much to him), yet when I confronted him about the many posts she tagged him in, he acted shocked (even though he liked just about every one that mentioned him). This was my red flag and when I became uncomfortable about them ever hanging out… (like he pretended to be unaware of the posts, even though he knew about them)
    I expressed this concern of mine to his, and he felt that there was no worry with their friendship (that he claimed wasn’t even that much) and that I didn’t have a thing to worry with.

    My dilemma is this, whilst she may not be sending him nudes anymore since the relationship began and he told her not to send such content, I am still nonetheless uncomfortable at the idea of them hanging out when I consider the idea that he got off to photos of her…

    Thoughts?
    Last edited by girl-loves-dogs; December 4th, 2018, 06:17 PM. Reason: Boyfriend, girl friend, help, nudes, relationship issues,

  • #2
    If he is your boyfriend, he should not be entertaining women alone, especially ones with whom he has a sexual history.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      My advice: Dump him and find someone that doesn't need to keep seeing someone who says she loves him and he doesn't have the common sense to tell her that her actions are inappropriate now that he is in a relationship.

      If they are hanging out one on one ... well then dump him and call him an asshole.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
        If he is your boyfriend, he should not be entertaining women alone, especially ones with whom he has a sexual history.
        that is how I deeply feel, and he claims that I should have nothing to worry about since he can "control himself", but I'm still at unease with her existence in his life when she doesn't even mean that much, so he says....

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        • #5
          Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
          My advice: Dump him and find someone that doesn't need to keep seeing someone who says she loves him and he doesn't have the common sense to tell her that her actions are inappropriate now that he is in a relationship.

          If they are hanging out one on one ... well then dump him and call him an asshole.
          he states that she knows her place in this relationship and hasn't attempted to send a nude since we started talking when he told her to never such content again, and that my "paranoia" just indicates that I can't trust him which isn't good and blah, blah, blah, blah...
          thing is, trusting him I still don't like her friendship in his life now that we're dating.

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          • #6
            What he is doing is wrong on so many levels. You said that he said she knows her place in the relationship? She shouldn't have ANY place in the relationship. I don't think you should be with this guy. I wouldn't trust him either. They know each other very intimately and she tells him she loves him? Nope. I could not put up with that.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
              What he is doing is wrong on so many levels. You said that he said she knows her place in the relationship? She shouldn't have ANY place in the relationship. I don't think you should be with this guy. I wouldn't trust him either. They know each other very intimately and she tells him she loves him? Nope. I could not put up with that.
              wow.... you're so right..... her place in the relationship is out of it... that's where she belongs and no closer....
              legit.... you're so right, they know each other on an intimate level on step away from exes (since they didn't date because he claims she too fat and a hoe), but might as well be exes....

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              • #8
                You deserve better

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
                  You deserve better
                  Pathetic sounding or not, it is just so hard to leave him... if my girl friend explained to me a similar situation, I would say those exact words, "leave him because you deserve a real man", myself in this situation it's not as easy to just up and leave....

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by girl-loves-dogs View Post

                    Pathetic sounding or not, it is just so hard to leave him... if my girl friend explained to me a similar situation, I would say those exact words, "leave him because you deserve a real man", myself in this situation it's not as easy to just up and leave....
                    That's understandable if you care a lot about him. But it's like you're sharing him with her.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by girl-loves-dogs View Post

                      wow.... you're so right..... her place in the relationship is out of it... that's where she belongs and no closer....
                      legit.... you're so right, they know each other on an intimate level on step away from exes (since they didn't date because he claims she too fat and a hoe), but might as well be exes....
                      If he thinks so lowly of her, did you think to ask him what he gets out of keeping her in his life then? Obviously he's getting some sort of gratification from her continued interaction with him so ask him what that is if you haven't already.
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post

                        If he thinks so lowly of her, did you think to ask him what he gets out of keeping her in his life then? Obviously he's getting some sort of gratification from her continued interaction with him so ask him what that is if you haven't already.
                        so I actually have posed that very question to him more than enough times, and he just gives me some runaround bs about how "why not", she hasn't done anything to us while we have been dating and that his past is his past... though he doesn't keep it that way... so, idek....

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by girl-loves-dogs View Post

                          so I actually have posed that very question to him more than enough times, and he just gives me some runaround bs about how "why not", she hasn't done anything to us while we have been dating and that his past is his past... though he doesn't keep it that way... so, idek....
                          His bs “why not ?” Reflects on what he thinks of you. Sorry!
                          You are afraid to place boundaries on your relationship out of fear that he will leave you and they are too strict for him etc.
                          Your boundaries are normal, his aren’t.

                          Tell him firmly that his “friendship” with her does not sit well with you. And that you are ok with him continuing his friendship with her but that you are not interested in a relationship with him while he does.

                          So, it’s not really a her or me , ultimatum. You are succumbing moreso.

                          And leave! Do not respond to him until you know for sure he has removed her from his life , phone , social media etc.

                          This is not about jealousy, it’s about respect. So far he has shown you none.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post

                            That's understandable if you care a lot about him. But it's like you're sharing him with her.
                            I guess it's just hard leaving something you thought was going to be so genuine and long lasting....

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                              His bs “why not ?” Reflects on what he thinks of you. Sorry!
                              You are afraid to place boundaries on your relationship out of fear that he will leave you and they are too strict for him etc.
                              Your boundaries are normal, his aren’t.

                              Tell him firmly that his “friendship” with her does not sit well with you. And that you are ok with him continuing his friendship with her but that you are not interested in a relationship with him while he does.

                              So, it’s not really a her or me , ultimatum. You are succumbing moreso.

                              And leave! Do not respond to him until you know for sure he has removed her from his life , phone , social media etc.

                              This is not about jealousy, it’s about respect. So far he has shown you none.
                              I actually have placed boundaries, but he says that I am being toxic and too controlling to tell him who his friends should and shouldn't be....

                              he states I should be okay with their friendship for many reason... a). he never sees her has girlfriend material for the simple facts that she too fat and a hoe, b). she's never done anything out of line since we started dating, and c). she, as he claims, has only shown support for us doing well.... that me showing so much skepticism towards her existence in his life makes her a victim...

                              he stated actually quite the opposite in terms of the respect, he stated that it doesn't have to do with respecting the relationship or not, it has to do with me becoming too controlling...

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