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Spice Up our Sex Life

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  • Spice Up our Sex Life

    Good evening,

    My fiancée and I have been together since we were 18 (now in our mid-30s) and we've experienced periods of low sexual libido (both of us) for a few years. We both love each and still want to have sex, but sometimes it just doesn't seem to click. Yesterday, at 2 am, she mentioned that we should do something to spark our Sex Life. I have some idea of what she's trying to say, but I fear that I may suggest the wrong thing. In the past, we did talk about our sexual fantasies, but we never actually realized them or had the guts to make them happen. One of them involved public sex in an adult theatre or simply visiting the place, another involved sex in a secluded area of the woods, and even one involving another guy (aka MFM sex). Since she didn't bring up the conversation, I want to suggest some ideas to Spice our Sex Life, but I have no clue where to begin. Has anyone gone through the same thing and needed to reignite the passion? If so, can you help me or help us? I know my fiancée loves me, but I also want to our Sex Life healthy and active. Thank your for responding and providing constructive feedback.
    Last edited by Ian_D28; November 1st, 2018, 09:44 PM.

  • #2
    Ian_D28 As she was the one that suggested this, all you need to do is let her know you're up for trying some new things. Ask her if she has any ideas. She may surprise you

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    • #3
      Not really the topic you asked, but why, after at least 15 years is she only your fiance?

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      • #4
        It sounds like you both just don't have the guts, period.
        Or you are both lazy. Aside from asking someone else to have your sex for the both of you, there is nothing to do here.
        Put some effort into your relationship, both of you, and then come back and have something more meaningful to work on (if anything).

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Pollon View Post
          Not really the topic you asked, but why, after at least 15 years is she only your fiance?
          We didn't value marriage because we didn't believe that a piece of paper was a way to prove our love. However, our view of marriage changed over the years.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
            It sounds like you both just don't have the guts, period.
            Or you are both lazy. Aside from asking someone else to have your sex for the both of you, there is nothing to do here.
            Put some effort into your relationship, both of you, and then come back and have something more meaningful to work on (if anything).
            Guts?Lazy? Effort?Who the hell do you think you are? This is a relationship forum and place to find advice, tips or share our stories, so I have every right to be here. You assume, from 1 paragraph that I'm lazy and don't put effort in my relationship? There are countless factors and reasons that explain why our Sex Life suffered over the years. For me, this topic is meaningful and unless you have constructive input to provide, please refrain from commenting on my posts.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Ian_D28 View Post
              ,,,,We didn't value marriage because we didn't believe that a piece of paper was a way to prove our love. However, our view of marriage changed over the years.....
              Now that you've reached the point of valuing marriage, what are you waiting for at this point?

              As for spicing up your sex life, start small and safe. Do NOT start talking about extra people--that will destabilize what you have. Fantasies are one thing. Realizing can be destructive. Erotica, videos, toys, role-play, games, etc are reasonable place to start. Do the research together and gauge each other's response and what gets you going.

              There are certainly books out there about your issue. You can check those out too.

              Good luck

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Pollon View Post

                Now that you've reached the point of valuing marriage, what are you waiting for at this point?

                As for spicing up your sex life, start small and safe. Do NOT start talking about extra people--that will destabilize what you have. Fantasies are one thing. Realizing can be destructive. Erotica, videos, toys, role-play, games, etc are reasonable place to start. Do the research together and gauge each other's response and what gets you going.

                There are certainly books out there about your issue. You can check those out too.

                Good luck
                We invested on purchasing our house this year, so we're putting money aside to pay for our marriage. We plan to tie the know sometime next year.

                As crazy as this sounds, I suck at making things interesting. However, I want to try not only to keep our Sex Life active and healthy, but also because I love my fiancée and our relationship.

                Thanks for the advice. It's really helpful.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Ian_D28 View Post

                  Guts?Lazy? Effort?Who the hell do you think you are? This is a relationship forum and place to find advice, tips or share our stories, so I have every right to be here. You assume, from 1 paragraph that I'm lazy and don't put effort in my relationship? There are countless factors and reasons that explain why our Sex Life suffered over the years. For me, this topic is meaningful and unless you have constructive input to provide, please refrain from commenting on my posts.
                  Calm down. No one implied that you have no right to be here. But I am suggesting you already know what to do but you are both simply not doing it. It doesn't have to be wild and interesting or flamboyant and you're overthinking it. Why not just do it?

                  You've already come up with a bunch of ideas which I don't see anything wrong with. It sounds more like you're looking for dutch courage or encouragement from a forum than ideas. If you love each other, those things should come about in conversation freely which you've already pointed out it has. In all your post still makes no sense to me. Just go and do those things already.

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                  • #10



                    Hi Ian: Just Ignore unhelpful rhetoric and just take from your thread what helps you or what resonates with you.

                    When your partner said to you, at 2:00 in the morning that the two of you should spice up your sex life, what did you say in response to that? Did you ask her what she had in mind or what?

                    What you suggest in your opening post are all (or most) things that my hubby and I have done at one time or another in our 41 year marriage. We too have been together since our late teens and certainly anyone that has lasted longer than five years together knows that their sex life ebbs and flows throughout the years. New relationship energy NEVER lasts indefinitely. It's a positive that both of you are looking to getting it flowing during this particular ebb.

                    Having sex in public places is very common and it can do wonders to get your libidos reved up again. Just don't get caught

                    In the meantime as you BOTH come up with surprise things to initiate, what do the two of you do to keep you interested prior to getting bizzy? If you're not courting one another on a regular basis and just (as an example) sitting there watching t.v. or playing video games or on your phones/tablets and ignoring one another more often than not, then your not preparing one another to be ready once you do get into bed.
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ian_D28 View Post

                      We invested on purchasing our house this year, so we're putting money aside to pay for our marriage. We plan to tie the know sometime next year.

                      As crazy as this sounds, I suck at making things interesting. However, I want to try not only to keep our Sex Life active and healthy, but also because I love my fiancée and our relationship.

                      Thanks for the advice. It's really helpful.
                      Don't involve other people in your intimacy.
                      Do you want to ruin your relationship?
                      You two talk about making a family.
                      Sparks will come when you invite conception of a child in your life.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Breakfast and Coffee View Post
                        You two talk about making a family.
                        Sparks will come when you invite conception of a child in your life.
                        bahhahahahahha!

                        Ian: I hope you are smart enough to know that having a baby is not a solution to anything.
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          In a similar situation here. Been together 5 years, not married but engaged. We both talk about spicing up the sex life. I suggested same room sex or outdoor sex somewhere, or even webcam sex while someone watches from afar. To all of these she thinks I'm a deviant and won't tell me what she thinks she means by "spicing" up our often boring love life.

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