Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I lost my sexual appetite from a possible transgender encounter

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • I lost my sexual appetite from a possible transgender encounter



    I just want to start off by saying I don't mean to offend any transgender people out there in this post, and I have nothing against them at all. I just lost my sexual appetite because of something, but I have nothing against them at all or anything.

    Basically it's a long story, but me and my gf were watching a movie that has to do with a man receiving sexual re-assignment surgery (SRS) into becoming a woman.

    Me and my gf found the movie to be very interesting and we started talking about the whole thing after the movie and we decided to look at some photos on the net, of the female genitalia you can get from SRS, to see how real looked, compared to how real it could look and work, compared do the movie.

    After looking at the genitalia that plastic surgeons can create from SRS, I noticed that the vagina looked a lot like the vagina of a woman I slept with almost ten years ago. I remember it cause I thought it looked different compared to what I had seen before. It was only the third woman I slept with so I just thought maybe she is just different, that's all, and didn't think much of it.

    But at the time I thought it was strange cause the clitoral area looked completely different and I couldn't seem to find it. I described it to my women friends way back then, and I remember they said, yeah that sounds weird. But things didn't last between me and her so I just forgot about it.

    Now fast forward to today, and I see the vaginoplasty vagina out of doing research cause of the movie me and my current gf today, just watched, and I feel that this woman from before was once a man at one time. Back then she also had scars on her breasts and she said it was because of breast reduction surgery, cause they were too big. So I bought that and didn't have any reason to think otherwise.

    But now seeing the SRS vaginas today when doing research out of curiosity, along with the scared breasts has gotten me think that I most likely had sex with a woman who was once a man. Now I don't mean to offend anyone or I don't have anything against transgender people, but now I have lost my sexual appetite over it, and I cannot get aroused by my current gf anymore, and I just feel asexual now because of it. Is there anything I can do to help this, or what should I do?

  • #2
    I think you should talk to a therapist about this so you can get closure on this and know that whatever happened wasn't your fault. You also don't have to apologize to anyone for not wanting to be with a transgender person. It's your right to be attracted to the opposite sex only (which is the norm) and you do not have to apologize to a single damn person. I think it's horrendous to not disclose to someone that they used to be another gender. But you might be assuming the person you slept with was transgender, maybe they just looked strange down there. I will have to google pics to see what you are talking about. Don't let this affect your relationship. I think you should talk to someone who is trained. Maybe one session is all it would take.

    Comment


    • #3
      Okay thanks. Well I talked about it with my gf and some friends to get there opinions and they are split down the middle. My gf and other friend say that if it were them they would feel like they were tricked and possibly sexually assaulted as a result and that it wasn't right of her.

      The others say it's not her fault she has to live her life how she is, and that I should not take it personally and that I am making too much of it.

      Which side is right though?
      Last edited by harmonica; October 30th, 2018, 01:46 AM.

      Comment


      • #4
        There is no right and wrong here. It's a grey area.
        Imagine you have a secret, something you're very embarrassed by. Something you know might chase 99% of women away. And you know that if you're ever in a serious relationship you'll have to share it. But you also don't want the whole world to know if your girlfriend blabs.
        Would you tell a girl on the first date? Or would you wait until the relationship has evolved and become strong enough to overcome the shock?

        This is the choice that transgender people often have to make. If they come forward on the first date, they will never make it to a second date. On top of that they risk the entire world finding out if they tell someone who starts blabbing their secret around. When do you know someone well enough to share something like that? I honestly wouldn't know if it was me.
        I get that you feel like you've been lied to, but try to imagine how hard it must be for this person to live with that kind of secret. Like I said, there is no right or wrong here. You lose either way.

        About your experience, all I can add is: you didn't notice back then, so the experience must have been alright for you. You didn't feel abused back then. Well, there are always things we don't know about people when we start dating. Maybe they are dating 3 other people. Maybe they are still married. Maybe they work as a phone sex operator to pay off their college debt. Everyone has secrets, or things they only share with someone once the relationship is solid. If it didn't hurt you back then, try not to focus too much on it now. You don't even know if your suspicions are true. Who knows, maybe she was the victim of serious sexual assault which left her so damaged that she needed reconstructive surgery. Would you tell someone about that on a first date?
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

        Comment


        • #5
          harmonica honestly you are not being offensive in any way so I wouldn't worry about that. I think what you're feeling is deceived. This person wasn't honest with you at all and lied to you so you are bound to feel thrown. It's not like it was anything minor to lie about either. It's understandable you feel this way. Hopefully it'll pass one day but as someone else suggested, maybe there is someone you can talk to. Maybe you can track this person down and ask her to explain herself and explain why she lied about something so huge.

          Comment


          • #6
            I think you're overreacting here. First of all, you don't know 100% for sure that the person you had sex with was a former man.

            Maybe I'm naive, but I can't help but think that a man, even with SRS, can totally pass himself off as a woman without some traits that betray him, like voice, body hair, size of hands and feet, etc. If the only thing you noticed that was 'different' was the vaginal area, then perhaps it was a woman who just looked different. And maybe she was telling the truth about breast reduction surgery. The bottom line is that you don't really know.

            But let's say that your suspicions are true. What are you to make of this? Are you worried because you had sex with a man? Or are you more worried that someone deceived you? When you have casual sex with someone without a commitment, you open yourself up to all kinds of misrepresentation and deceit.

            Why not just put it behind you and not let it ruin your future relationships?
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

            Comment


            • #7
              I'm with Sarah on this one. You're making a big deal out of something or someone that is no longer in your life. If you're really so unsure about your own masculinity, yes, talk to a therapist because those are latent issues within you that probably don't have to do with your sexual experience with this person from your past.

              I lived with and was in a relationship with a transgendered person. I've been quoted as helping him in his journey and self-identifying as a transgendered person or FTM. You don't come across as insulting or offensive but you do seem overly worried, very silly and even irresponsible mostly because you're putting your current gf through a lot of your unnecessary thoughts which are neither helpful nor relevant to your current relationship and state of affairs.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think it's rather psychotic of you to be obsessing about fucking a WOMAN 10 years ago. Your psychosis would be understandable if you thought it was a woman due to having breasts but when you touched the gennies there was a dick there... that would be rather traumatic, I would think, to most hetrosexual men however: You fucked a woman (doesn't matter what she once was, she was a woman when you screwed her) so get the mental help you need to overcome your self-produced OCD thinking on this.

                Frankly I think you're trolling this story all over the internet for some (psychotic) reason but if it's real then my advice would still be the same.
                Last edited by phasesofthemoon; October 30th, 2018, 03:56 PM.
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Sorry I didn't mean to come off as trolling but I did become very disturbed by it and lost my whole sexual appetite with my current gf cause of it, so I thought it was an issue, but don't mean to make it sound like I'm trolling, cause I don't mean to.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    If you can manage it, undisturb yourself because it's affecting your current relationship. Your love for your gf and your convictions and ideas/strength about your own identity should be overcoming this - whatever this is - bump in the road. Stop fixating on the past and self-sabotaging your future. Your gf will realize she's better than that eventually. Realize what you have in your life and don't take it forgranted. Men (or women) don't just lose boners and can't get horny for no reason: it's either physiological (as in issues with your physical body or hormone imbalances which you can see a dr about) or it's mental/emotional. You're not taking care of yourself. You owe it to your gf and your future to be a bit more mindful of your thoughts and the ways you wish to process them.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by harmonica View Post
                      Sorry I didn't mean to come off as trolling but I did become very disturbed by it and lost my whole sexual appetite with my current gf cause of it, so I thought it was an issue, but don't mean to make it sound like I'm trolling, cause I don't mean to.
                      The bottom line here is you fucked a WOMAN. No need for your thoughts about anything else. I repeat: A WOMAN!
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Sexual desires differ in men and women. You may find following article interesting
                        Blog on Marriage, Relationship, Sex, Human Desire, pati patni relations, pati patni, love relations, courtship period, sex in marriage life

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Some people have good relationship with little to none sexual appetite.
                          When you get married you can come back if you still have this problem.
                          What if you spend your time now thinking about Courtship?
                          When you two will talk about having a child, you will find your sparks again.

                          Comment

                          Working...
                          X