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  • Talk to my mom?

    Iím 17 and my boyfriend is 18. We are going to college soon. Weíve talked about wanting to lose our virginity to each other but both want to wait until college when we donít have to worry about our parents walking in or anything like that. My mom has always told me when Iím ready to tell her and she will make sure Iím safe on the pill and she wants to know but Iím probably getting the pill soon anyways for unrelated reasons (bad period pain) so if I didnít want to tell her I wouldnít have to. Me and my boyfriend are both Christian and our parents are too so there is a big stigma to wait for marriage and I feel like if I told her Iíd let her down. Would you guys ever tell your parents before or when you do it for the first time? Part of me wants that to be my own private information between me and my boyfriend and the other half of me wants to be able to be open and honest with my mom (growing up we were super close but have been fighting a lot more the past few years since my sister left home). Iím so torn.

  • #2
    Originally posted by What.should.i.do8 View Post
    Iím 17 and my boyfriend is 18. We are going to college soon. Weíve talked about wanting to lose our virginity to each other but both want to wait until college when we donít have to worry about our parents walking in or anything like that. My mom has always told me when Iím ready to tell her and she will make sure Iím safe on the pill and she wants to know but Iím probably getting the pill soon anyways for unrelated reasons (bad period pain) so if I didnít want to tell her I wouldnít have to. Me and my boyfriend are both Christian and our parents are too so there is a big stigma to wait for marriage and I feel like if I told her Iíd let her down. Would you guys ever tell your parents before or when you do it for the first time? Part of me wants that to be my own private information between me and my boyfriend and the other half of me wants to be able to be open and honest with my mom (growing up we were super close but have been fighting a lot more the past few years since my sister left home). Iím so torn.
    Your sex life is no ones business but your own.
    Your choice of religion is also no ones business but your own. You were raised Christian and to abstain from sex until you are married.
    But you clearly arenít committed to the religion you were raised to believe. As you want to act against it. And thatís perfectky ok.

    Since you are old enough to go to a GP to get the pill , you donít need to tell your mother.
    Keeping ones privacy is not necessarily being dishonest.
    If she asked you outright are you having sex and you said no , then that would be dishonest , but not a crime.


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    • #3
      I agree with Maggie.
      It's your business. You're old enough to make mature choices and handle the consequences of those choices.
      Telling her is really up to you, but the decision whether you want to have sex is ultimately yours.

      I was very close to my mom and I told her a few days after. But she was supportive and not judgemental. I don't think I would have told her if I expected otherwise.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        Originally posted by What.should.i.do8 View Post
        Iím 17 and my boyfriend is 18. We are going to college soon. Weíve talked about wanting to lose our virginity to each other but both want to wait until college when we donít have to worry about our parents walking in or anything like that. My mom has always told me when Iím ready to tell her and she will make sure Iím safe on the pill and she wants to know but Iím probably getting the pill soon anyways for unrelated reasons (bad period pain) so if I didnít want to tell her I wouldnít have to. Me and my boyfriend are both Christian and our parents are too so there is a big stigma to wait for marriage and I feel like if I told her Iíd let her down. Would you guys ever tell your parents before or when you do it for the first time? Part of me wants that to be my own private information between me and my boyfriend and the other half of me wants to be able to be open and honest with my mom (growing up we were super close but have been fighting a lot more the past few years since my sister left home). Iím so torn.
        Don't have sex until you have your head sorted out. What you're feeling could be any number of things. Maybe you don't actually have as close of a bond with your boyfriend as you think you do. If I think back about how I felt at 18 with my boyfriend at the time, I thought I was fucking Einstein with a porn star's libido and the love would last forever and ever Amen. That was a big fat No.

        You're still living at home and haven't even begun your journey discovering yourself in college and your working life. It's natural to feel a strong bond with your mum and feel connected to your family members. You may even be feeling anxious about starting college and your life changing in a few months. Have sex if you want to have sex when you're ready/the time's right but do it on your own terms. It's generally a good idea to remain discreet about your personal/sexual life regardless of age. You decide what you want to do. You're completely entitled to do whatever you want to do and speak to whomever you want to speak to. Just be careful about being indiscreet no matter who you're talking to.

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        • #5
          I think having a good relationship with your mom is a great idea. As a parent myself, I love having heart to heart talks with my girls. We've talked about a lot of crazy stuff and bottom line I think they know I care. We can disagree on things, but our relationship is solid. We love each other. It is your private business, but having a sounding board and getting good advice from someone with experience/wisdom has always helped me. It sounds like you want to share with her because you want a good relationship--so that's why I would consider sharing with her. I think she can help you think through the process of timing and why it might not be a great idea

          On another note---Do you feel like you just have to "get it over with"? I think there is a lot to sexual intimacy--- much more than just the deed. I too easily gave my virginity away when I was your age. For a while it seemed as though I was happy with the decision (maybe I felt powerful and sexy) but it took years to realize that sex is supposed to be a lot more than an act. I felt really empty and confused. It's a beautiful expression of love to another human being and as a woman of faith I would also say that I do believe it binds you together as one person. It's a gift that once given cannot be undone. I personally regret not taking more time to think about it. So, I would just encourage you not to rush into anything.
          Last edited by Jacaroo; October 24th, 2018, 06:22 PM.

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          • #6
            What.should.i.do8 I wouldn't tell my parents. I agree with Rose Moose. I had a few opportunities to have sex when I was your age and fortunately, I thought the better of it and I'm glad I didn't cave. Like many women, you may live to regret it - - later. It's so much more special especially as a Christian to wait until your wedding night with the love of your life. Since you're a Christian lady, seek Christian counseling for yourself and your boyfriend should be in attendance, too.
            Last edited by chanelle; October 24th, 2018, 07:13 PM. Reason: Typo
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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            • #7
              Well, I think it's really great that your mother is caring enough to make sure that you're safe when you are ready to have sex and is willing to help you when you want to go on the pill and perhaps counsel you on the whys and why nots of having sex at this time in your life and with whom you want to have it.

              That being said, you are old enough to go on the pill without her consent but if you are wanting to go on it due to period pain then you can just let her know that you are on it now due to said period pain and that way she'll know you're safe from an unwanted pregnancy as well.

              Before you have sex with your boyfriend you and he should discuss what you'll be doing should you fall pregnant. Nothing but abstention is 100% safe and I'm sure you'll not want to tell your mother you are pregnant a lot more then you don't want to tell her you're going on the pill.

              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                I think having a good relationship with your mom is a great idea. As a parent myself, I love having heart to heart talks with my girls. We've talked about a lot of crazy stuff and bottom line I think they know I care. We can disagree on things, but our relationship is solid. We love each other. It is your private business, but having a sounding board and getting good advice from someone with experience/wisdom has always helped me. It sounds like you want to share with her because you want a good relationship--so that's why I would consider sharing with her. I think she can help you think through the process of timing and why it might not be a great idea

                On another note---Do you feel like you just have to "get it over with" ? I think there is a lot to sexual intimacy--- much more than just the deed. I too easily gave my virginity away when I was your age. For a while it seemed as though I was happy with the decision (maybe I felt powerful and sexy) but it took years to realize that sex is supposed to be a lot more than an act. I felt really empty and confused. It's a beautiful expression of love to another human being and as a woman of faith I would also say that I do believe it binds you together as one person. It's a gift that once given cannot be undone. I personally regret not taking more time to think about it. So, I would just encourage you not to rush into anything.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Jacaroo View Post
                  I think having a good relationship with your mom is a great idea. As a parent myself, I love having heart to heart talks with my girls. We've talked about a lot of crazy stuff and bottom line I think they know I care. We can disagree on things, but our relationship is solid. We love each other. It is your private business, but having a sounding board and getting good advice from someone with experience/wisdom has always helped me. It sounds like you want to share with her because you want a good relationship--so that's why I would consider sharing with her. I think she can help you think through the process of timing and why it might not be a great idea

                  On another note---Do you feel like you just have to "get it over with" ? I think there is a lot to sexual intimacy--- much more than just the deed. I too easily gave my virginity away when I was your age. For a while it seemed as though I was happy with the decision (maybe I felt powerful and sexy) but it took years to realize that sex is supposed to be a lot more than an act. I felt really empty and confused. It's a beautiful expression of love to another human being and as a woman of faith I would also say that I do believe it binds you together as one person. It's a gift that once given cannot be undone. I personally regret not taking more time to think about it. So, I would just encourage you not to rush into anything.
                  Nice! ^^^
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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