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  • Can't Make my Partner Happy

    This is so incredibly embarrassing, but here goes nothing. I'm a girl who's been a long term relationship for about three years now. I struggle with pretty severe acid reflux that waxes and wanes over time. I take medication but it does not always work. I get frequent stomach aches, and have this almost constant feeling of discomfort in my throat. It makes it really uncomfortable to have pretty much anything at all in my mouth for any length of time and makes me feel like a) my throat is going to close, or b) I'm going to barf.

    So, the issue is I'm no good at oral sex. I don't want to do it because it's uncomfortable and I can't complete a... session, successfully. I have to stop because the discomfort is so severe or I'm so worried about throwing up that it's not fun for either one of us. It's something my boyfriend hints at and asks for a lot, so I've been trying to work through it and make it happen, but I just can't do it. I feel awful because I think sex is an important part of your relationship and I just can't do this for him. I tried last night and we had to stop, and he was sweet about it but I can't shake the feeling that I am letting him down or disappointing him. I don't want to blow this out of proportion, but is this something you believe would be a deal breaker for a guy? I used to see him a lot, but our work schedules have changed recently and I feel like we're spending a lot less time together. Our futures are sketchy too, as our careers may take us in different directions in the next few years. I don't want this to a reason for him to call things off, or for him to feel like I just don't want to do it for him and use the reflux as an excuse.

    And also, anyone know how to get past this discomfort? I've Googled around for tricks and exercises or whatever, but so far nothing has seemed to help. I've just been waiting for the acid reflux to die down, but it's been like this since July.

  • #2
    I sympathize with you. I have suffered severe acid reflux to the point of vomiting, and although the prescription medicine helps, when I come off of the meds the acid reflux returns.

    What you have to do is identify the triggers. For me it's caffeine. When I switched to decaf coffee and started drinking non caffeine diet drinks it improved greatly. Maybe that's where you need to start.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      I've been there, Witch. What a nightmare.
      It's like Sarah says, there are triggers. Identify them and you can alter your diet to seriously diminish the frequency of the reflux.
      Mine are all acidic things, all citrus fruits, anything high in suger content, spicy foods (obviously) and anything made with plain white flour: white bread, cupcakes, waffles, ...
      I also notice that it stops completely once I go below a certain weight. It's almost like an on- and off switch. 1 or 2 kg's more and here it comes again. As long as I stay under the limit, it stays away.

      I've gone over my limit recently - been putting on some pregnancy pounds - and it immediately came back so I have to monitor my diet more strictly again.
      But there is hope!
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        Thanks for the replies guys! I'm sorry you guys suffer from this as well. I didn't realize how common it is. It does feel good to know I'm not the only one though!

        I've been taking the medicine and have followed various diets since July to try to eliminate the foods/drinks that are causing it. I cut caffeine out entirely in the beginning along with any sugary drinks/foods. My regular doctor told me to basically cut out all wheat/flour, stay away from anything that's processed. Even after doing this for over a month (in combination with medication) I've still been struggling with pretty severe heartburn.Frankly he's baffled as to why the reflux is as bad as it is because I don't have any of the risk factors. I'm well within a healthy weight range, don't currently smoke or drink and never did before either. Basically he's just been rotating me from one drug to another and playing with the dosage to try and find a medication that does the trick for me. I'm still switching things up diet wise and trying to make a list of trigger foods, but it's difficult. Sometimes what goes down easy one day sets my stomach on fire the next.

        One thing that does really help though is elevating my mattress. When my doctor told me to buy a wedge pillow and stick it under my mattress I thought he was insane, but I've honestly never slept better. No more waking up with reflux at night, I sleep like a baby.

        Do any guys perhaps want to offer insight on this issue? If your girl could not give a good blow job what would your reaction be? How would you handle an issue like that in a longterm, serious relationship?
        Last edited by Witch; October 20th, 2018, 03:56 PM.

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        • #5
          I take Nexium for acid reflux and to stave off the symptoms of a hiatus hernia. I however do not have a gag reflex like you seem to have so giving head isn't an issue.

          When is the last time you went back to your doctor for a proper investigation into whats going on in your innards? If one medication isn't working then perhaps you should try another. It took me trying three different kinds of acid blockers before the Doctor hit on Nexium for me which has been a blessing for about five years now. However... If I miss a dose, the acid reflux will come back while I'm sleeping... horrible! You might also find some relief by raising the head of your bed and let gravity help you with symptoms.

          Anyway: Is it just a penis you gag on or is it anything that goes too far into your mouth/throat. Have you tried just going down on him shallowly? Do you gag then? How about practicing on a banana slowly introducing more and more after you've mastered a little bit at first? Whatever you experiment with, make sure you do it on an empty stomach.

          In the meantime, don't feel guilty or think he is thinking you are just being selfish. Its clear you're trying.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

          Comment


          • #6
            Have you asked him how important it is for you to give him head?
            Some guys care more for it than others.
            But really at the end of the day if you enjoy a healthy sex live overall , he is hardly going to leave you over one issue that may just be temporary.

            As for your diet , you say one thing might be fine one day and next day sets you on fire.

            Are you eliminating one food type only for at least one month?
            And only one food type at a time?
            You can’t test these things on a daily basis?
            And you can only test one food type at a time.

            Comment


            • #7
              I've been seeing a doctor since July of this year and was referred to a specialist who I've been seeing a out every 2-4 weeks depending on which medication has given me to try. I had an endoscopy in July as well, which confirmed the reflux and mild esophagitis. I've also tried loads of diets, but what goes down with no problem one day makes me miserable the next. I'm doing better on the newest med, but I think more than anything my problems are exacerbated by stress more so than my diet. i.e., I was fine all day until I was told I needed to meet my boss tomorrow for what is probably going to be a grueling one on one meeting. Since then I've been tasting acid.

              He does mention it and ask for it quite often, but he has backed off a little recently. Actually, he's kind of backed away from sex altogether, but that might be a whole other discussion lol.

              Comment


              • #8
                Witch,
                There are good oral techniques that don't involve putting the penis IN your mouth. Use a good stroke, keeping his shaft wet, and rubbing your lips and tongue all over. Pay more attention to his frenulum, and don't forget "the boys". Without a penis in your mouth it will be easier to talk dirty, which if done right (knowing what he likes) is a real turn-on!

                My wife tries very hard at this, but I still have difficulty finishing, so it's just great foreplay. If you make it known how difficult it is for you, he may back off on asking, but also might cause him to feel guilty about asking as often as he wants. You'll have to talk it out and balance both your needs. Sometimes when you don't feel like it, but are going to do it for him, make it seem like it's all you want, it will blow him away (no pun intended).

                On his behalf, thanks for the effort!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Witch View Post
                  This is so incredibly embarrassing, but here goes nothing. I'm a girl who's been a long term relationship for about three years now. I struggle with pretty severe acid reflux that waxes and wanes over time. I take medication but it does not always work. I get frequent stomach aches, and have this almost constant feeling of discomfort in my throat. It makes it really uncomfortable to have pretty much anything at all in my mouth for any length of time and makes me feel like a) my throat is going to close, or b) I'm going to barf.

                  So, the issue is I'm no good at oral sex. I don't want to do it because it's uncomfortable and I can't complete a... session, successfully. I have to stop because the discomfort is so severe or I'm so worried about throwing up that it's not fun for either one of us. It's something my boyfriend hints at and asks for a lot, so I've been trying to work through it and make it happen, but I just can't do it. I feel awful because I think sex is an important part of your relationship and I just can't do this for him. I tried last night and we had to stop, and he was sweet about it but I can't shake the feeling that I am letting him down or disappointing him. I don't want to blow this out of proportion, but is this something you believe would be a deal breaker for a guy? I used to see him a lot, but our work schedules have changed recently and I feel like we're spending a lot less time together. Our futures are sketchy too, as our careers may take us in different directions in the next few years. I don't want this to a reason for him to call things off, or for him to feel like I just don't want to do it for him and use the reflux as an excuse.

                  And also, anyone know how to get past this discomfort? I've Googled around for tricks and exercises or whatever, but so far nothing has seemed to help. I've just been waiting for the acid reflux to die down, but it's been like this since July.
                  If this is the only trait he likes you for, leave him.
                  Don't you want to be a mom?
                  You don't need oral sex for intimacy to glow.

                  Lust is not love my beautiful princess.
                  You are worth so so much more.
                  If you only knew…

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Very sorry to hear what you are going through. I am a happily married man and my wife loves to please me orally. However, she too has horrible acid reflux and severe cramping. I will tell you that she has changed her diet several times with the guidance of a nutritionist, along with try different medications. The one thing I can say is that you man has to have understanding and patience (yeah, I got frustrated too but I got over it!). What my wife and I found was that she could get really kinky with me and give me some hot dirty talk and spit on my head/shaft while she squeezed me hard and stroked me. I actually have developed preference of this far more than a BJ. Nothing beats a sloppy sticky stroking over the head!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Breakfast and Coffee View Post

                      If this is the only trait he likes you for, leave him.
                      Don't you want to be a mom?
                      You don't need oral sex for intimacy to glow.

                      Lust is not love my beautiful princess.
                      You are worth so so much more.
                      If you only knew…
                      Why are all your comments about having a child? Noone is talking about having a child.

                      Comment

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