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Regret and Guilt

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  • Regret and Guilt

    I am a 15 year old male and I fingered a girl. I feel mass amounts of regret and overall sadness. The girl likes me. I just fail to reciprocate those feelings. Beyond that however, I don't know why I feel so terrible about it. We both consented to the act. Nothing was wrong. Hell, It didn't last that long because we had to leave due to time constraints. I was also not under the influence of any mind-altering substances. I just don't know why I feel so shamed and terrible, I want to fix what happened, and I just don't know what to do. Help.

  • #2
    Originally posted by ChronoKeyLink View Post
    I feel so shamed and terrible, I want to fix what happened
    What exactly is there to fix?

    Did you lie to this girl and tell her she's the love of your life?
    Did you tell her you were going to be her boyfriend and eventually marry her if she let you finger her?

    Stop freaking out. You're making a really big deal out of nothing.
    If you don't like her, and you know she likes you, stop doing sexual things to her and move on.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      It's normal. You don't reciprocate any emotional attachments. Be honest with her and tell her the truth that while she may be a great girl and you enjoy your time together you don't feel the same way. Your first response is likely fight or flight and you're trying to run away from the emotional pressure. Just take it easy and put things in perspective. It is not uncommon to feel bad when you're intimate with someone you don't really have feelings for. You should use this as a lesson and appreciate your relationships more. If you are going to be with someone, make sure it's special. Acknowledge yourself and honour and respect your own heart.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by ChronoKeyLink View Post
        I am a 15 year old male and I fingered a girl. I feel mass amounts of regret and overall sadness. The girl likes me. I just fail to reciprocate those feelings. Beyond that however, I don't know why I feel so terrible about it. We both consented to the act. Nothing was wrong. Hell, It didn't last that long because we had to leave due to time constraints. I was also not under the influence of any mind-altering substances. I just don't know why I feel so shamed and terrible, I want to fix what happened, and I just don't know what to do. Help.
        You have enough time to find a good girl you will want to spend your life with, get married and be a dad. Don't give your Heart to this culture that tells you what you should do, to »fit in.« You want to give yourself all to a girl? Practice chastity until marriage. You have all the time in your life to experience touches of Love and not lust! Love is much more beautiful, most precious diamond in the world and heaven! Imagine you find a girl for life. Why waste your time on cheap dirt when you will be able to wait and experience Love with all its roses? Don't play with your Heart. Forgive yourself.

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        • #5
          ChronoKeyLink I think you are feeling bad because sexual acts are a form of intimacy and you feel unhappy to have done this with somebody who you don't feel attraction to. It is ok that you feel upset about this. In my opinion sex and intimacy are so much better when your heart is in it and you care for the person who you are with so I can relate to you. Some people have casual sex and they aren't bothered by this lack of connection, they just want to get off. For those who want it, it's fine too (as long as there is consent), but it is also ok to want a real connection along with physical acts. Trust your feelings to tell you what is right for you.

          If this girl really likes you, it may be more hurtful for her to hear that you don't like her in the same way especially after being physical with you. Please be kind to her when you tell her that you don't feel the same way. I suggest to tell her in person, tell her some nice things about herself to soften the blow, and let her know that you are sad that you have hurt her. Stay with her for a while if she is really upset and needs to cry.

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          • #6
            ChronoKeyLink As with all things in life, you can't undo the past nor take back what you've done and / or said. This applies to EVERYONE on this Earth. All you can do is change from this day forward. This is when you learn to forgive yourself and the other person forgives you. Forgive does not mean condone. Forgive means to start anew, start with a clean slate, don't hold grudges anymore, sincerely change for the better permanently, move on and consider it a healing process for your soul whether you're the perpetrator or if it applies to the other person, too.

            I think it's great that you have feelings of remorse, guilt and regret. The problem lies when people DON'T have a conscience, never think about empathy, how they made the other person feel after the fact whether it was with their words and / or actions. I commend you for your conscience. This world would be a better place if more people had a conscience and knew how to make it right from this point forward.

            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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