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Ended FWB but now kind of regretting it

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  • Ended FWB but now kind of regretting it

    Met this girl online, so we never were actually friends. We had been having sex for about six months, a long time if you ask me. We both said we did not want a relationship when we started hanging out. But she would sleep over, no problem with me. We would spend multiple days hanging out .Once we spent four days with each other . We even traveled to another state together (separate planes) We spent a lot of time together, atypical for someone who is not your girlfriend . Another reason why I ended it was because we never had the "what are we talk".We never talked about whether we were allowed to see other people . I thought it was implied
    ​​​​​ that we could see other people, she didn't like the implied part and wished we would of talked about it .But I'm sure she was seeing other people

    The flip side of this is that this is exactly what I wanted . A cool girl to have sex with and go places with without being in a relationship .So it kind of doesn't make any sense why i ended it .I think having "the talk" earlier on would of helped to avoid this situation .

    I obviously like the girl a lot and like spending time with her and I know she feels the same way about me .At least before I ended things . Was thinking about texting her in two weeks and seeing if we could try again but with certain rules and talking openly about seeing other people. Any thoughts?

  • #2
    The first thing you need to do is figure out whether you actually want a FWB thing, as you say.
    Because your behavior in the past suggests you're crossing FWB borders and going into 'dating' mode. Obviously this is going to cause confusion and blurred lines.
    You can't be spending weekends away, having sleepovers and acting like boyfriend-girlfriend. It doesn't work that way.

    It sounds to me like you just want to have your cake and eat it too.
    You want a girlfriend, but you also want to keep sleeping around and seeing others.

    Assuming that this girl is still interested, you really need to define where you're going with this and what the expectations are on both sides.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

    Comment


    • #3
      That’s not a fwb situation , it is more like an open relationship.

      You “thought” it was implied that you could both see other people , yet her response was she didn’t like the implied part. So what else did she say. You have made a lot of assumptions including that she was seeing others. But it sounds like she you don’t actually know that for sure.

      Who initiated the latest discussion , why and how?

      Just because you both said 6 months ago you didn’t want a relationship, doesn’t mean that stays that way indefinitely.
      And one might assume a relationship after behaving like bf and gf as opposed to fwb for 6 months.

      How did she take you ending things?

      I suspect she thought you two had progressed from fwb to a relationship.

      Why did you end it? You haven’t given a clear reason.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by touchofdove View Post
        Met this girl online, so we never were actually friends. We had been having sex for about six months, a long time if you ask me. We both said we did not want a relationship when we started hanging out. But she would sleep over, no problem with me. We would spend multiple days hanging out .Once we spent four days with each other . We even traveled to another state together (separate planes) We spent a lot of time together, atypical for someone who is not your girlfriend . Another reason why I ended it was because we never had the "what are we talk".We never talked about whether we were allowed to see other people . I thought it was implied
        ​​​​​ that we could see other people, she didn't like the implied part and wished we would of talked about it .But I'm sure she was seeing other people

        The flip side of this is that this is exactly what I wanted . A cool girl to have sex with and go places with without being in a relationship .So it kind of doesn't make any sense why i ended it .I think having "the talk" earlier on would of helped to avoid this situation .

        I obviously like the girl a lot and like spending time with her and I know she feels the same way about me .At least before I ended things . Was thinking about texting her in two weeks and seeing if we could try again but with certain rules and talking openly about seeing other people. Any thoughts?
        Oh FFS. Do not go back in the same dynamic. Go screw whomever will have you and let her alone so she can find a guy that doesn't need to fuck others while fucking her. Next eff buddy you hook up with make sure you know the rules before you get as involved as you were with this one.

        What's up with you anyway. Are you not a monogamous person? If you're not, make sure you're upfront about it before you get bizzy.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #5
          She said she would of rather had a conversation about seeing other people instead of assuming it was implied .
          ​​​​​​

          How did she take it? She mentioned that she was also confused as to what we were, she shed some tears. If she was confused why wouldn't she bring it up in a discussion?

          My reasons for ending at the time? I felt like it was going nowhere, which is exactly what I wanted. We just were spending too much time together for not being bf/gf . I don't want a relationship with her.

          Comment


          • #6
            Another reason was the uncertainty of her using protection with anyone else she is seeing .

            Am I am monogamous person? Yes with the right girl, no issues. Unfortunately I would not date this girl and that's the reason why I kept it casual

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by touchofdove View Post
              Another reason was the uncertainty of her using protection with anyone else she is seeing .

              Am I am monogamous person? Yes with the right girl, no issues. Unfortunately I would not date this girl and that's the reason why I kept it casual
              Then why don't you just leave her alone and find another warm wet place to masturbate into? You ended it now leave her alone and get on with your experimenting with someone else.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

              Comment


              • #8
                The reasons why I'd like to see her again. I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. With rules set, to avoid any confusion, this is exactly what I want . A cool girl to have sex with and go do things (movies, restaurants) without a commitment

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by touchofdove View Post
                  The reasons why I'd like to see her again. I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. With rules set, to avoid any confusion, this is exactly what I want . A cool girl to have sex with and go do things (movies, restaurants) without a commitment
                  Well, I hope she's not stupid enough to see you again should you cave and go back on your resolve and tell her what a weiner you were to give up on easy sex with "a cool girl."
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Nothing is wrong with that . Maybe it's best to leave things as is . I just think we both wanted the same things at least initially . But things might have gotten too deep and she possibly wanted something more, I don't know

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by touchofdove View Post
                      Nothing is wrong with that . Maybe it's best to leave things as is . I just think we both wanted the same things at least initially . But things might have gotten too deep and she possibly wanted something more, I don't know
                      Its sounding an awfully lot like you want more, actually. If there were no feelings then shouldn't be too hard to keep away from her instead of using her until you find someone you want something real with.
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I definitely have feelings for her, I like her .Just not enough to put the label of girlfriend on her

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by touchofdove View Post
                          She said she would of rather had a conversation about seeing other people instead of assuming it was implied .
                          ​​​​​​

                          How did she take it? She mentioned that she was also confused as to what we were, she shed some tears. If she was confused why wouldn't she bring it up in a discussion?

                          My reasons for ending at the time? I felt like it was going nowhere, which is exactly what I wanted. We just were spending too much time together for not being bf/gf . I don't want a relationship with her.
                          You felt like it was going nowhere which was “exactly” what you wanted.
                          Well you got there! Nowhere!
                          Congratulations!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by touchofdove View Post
                            I definitely have feelings for her, I like her .Just not enough to put the label of girlfriend on her
                            Well I would think that one would have to have some fondness for whomever they are schtuuping but you crossed no strings attached boundaries with her and you dated her along with your schtuuping so it's no wonder she was confused. Next time you go into something like this and the chick says she doesn't want a relationship then tell her upfront "then before we do this, lets set some boundaries in place that will keep things real."

                            If you want a fuck buddy then google "fuck buddy rules" and figure out which boundaries the two of you can agree to.
                            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              She cried?
                              This isn't a reliable fwb. Sorry. She's behaving like something else (far too emotional) and based on your first post, it's not what you want or need in your life. Cut her loose permanently and find another friend. The other details are white noise.

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