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Please read n respond... Need to vent

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  • Please read n respond... Need to vent

    Y'all . . . I need attention. *PMS, emotional girl warning*

    I don't have Facebook. . . I dont have friends. I do have kids and a boyfriend. I take care of everyone. I run the house. I work 2 jobs. Im in grad school. . . I baby the hell out of my partner. Back rubs, drink fetched, lunches packed - its like having an,extra child. . . .

    I dont get anything in return for my hard work. I seriously request one thing from him: Sex.
    thats all.
    Just have sex w me once in awhile. . .
    Nope! He wont. & when we do- its ALL about him. I'll do sexual favors for him, hoping it,leads to,me,being satisfied as well. . . nope. He finishes. I clean up, he goes to bed. Its so crappy.

    I used to feel so pretty . . . Facebook comments/likes. . . friends,who encouraged me. Sex whenever i wanted it.,guys begging to,hang w me. . . now I have nothing. He never tells me im pretty, touches me, or does anything romantic.
    I even started,seeing a counselor bc I feel so sad n pathetic. He has,done nothing to,help.
    & when I talk to,him,about,it he either,says I need medicine,bc I'm,crazy or he cant have sex w me bc hes tired . . . . . . (exxxcuse,me? "YOU" work ONE job and watch tv all night while im killing myself trying to make everyone happy n improve our lives)

    I KNOW its not me . . . everyone that knows us assures me its not "me" but,it doesn't,make it,hurt any less

    Please pay no,mind to,my errors & commas. . . im angry typing lolol

    He stayed up,tonight to watch football. . . I,went,into,the,room to,rub his,back while he,fell asleep . . . I mentioned sex- he magically was too tired. Football was fine to stay up for.,but,me? Too tired. I started,crying (dont,judge) n he just fell asleep
    . . . what should I do? We,get along okay . . . we do fight a lot. We have had a rough relationship but,it,has gottwn better. . . .

  • #2
    The problem in your relationship is that you've made him too accustomed to not having to pull his weight in the relationship.
    You're a mother. You describe him as your child. So look at this from an educational perspective.
    Imagine you have a bunch of kids who have zero responsabilities in the house. They don't have to clean their toys after playing. They don't have to clean up if they've spilled food on the floor. They don't have to put their dirty laundry in the hamper. They just leave their stuff all over the house. And suddenly, you tell them to start doing the dishes every day. You know what you're going to get? Tantrums.
    People (children and adults alike) tend to get spoiled easily. They also tend to take their caregivers for granted. Especially hen that caregivers asks nothing from them and runs around treating them like they are the most important human being to walk the Earth.
    You've spoiled him and made him believe that he's so important to you that he has no responsabilities. He can get away with it too, because despite his lazy attitude you're still giving him back rubs and packing his lunches.

    STOP treating him this way. Stop spoiling him unconditionally. Stop being his mother. Maybe then he'll start acting like your partner again, rather than your baby.
    START making demands. He has to pull his weight. If he doesn't, you're not going to bend over backwards to cater to his needs anymore either.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      People assuring you that itís not you must not have read your post?

      A lot of this is because of you.
      As Ayla said you have turned him into a spoilt brat.
      Why on earth are you packing his lunches and fetching his drinks?
      Thats ridiculous behaviour on your part.

      Are the kids his? How long have you been together?

      You say you work two jobs and in school. How many hrs per week is that in comparison to his one job ?

      You also say you fight a lot. Over what?

      Trying to have a sex life with him is like trying to put the icing on the cake when the cake is in crumbs.
      Sort out the core of your relationship problems which is clearly not about lack of sex.


      • #4
        I think you genuinely love him and he loves you. PMS can be annoying as it clouds judgment and you may not feel like yourself. Practice some self-love, hun, and take it easy. I don't think you need to stop being the kind or loving person you are but you DO need to take the time to treat yourself.


        • #5
          I even started,seeing a counselor bc I feel so sad n pathetic.
          ... and what has your counselor suggested?
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!