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I can't tell my fiancee why my step-parents are not invited to our wedding

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  • I can't tell my fiancee why my step-parents are not invited to our wedding

    I don't know how to explain that I don't want my adoptive parents at our wedding later this year. She knows I haven't kept in touch with them for years, but has got it into her head that this would be an ideal time to mend fences, and gets annoyed when I won't tell her what the problem is.

    The problem is, though, (and this is going to get pretty explicit, for which I apologise, but you need to understand the situation) that not long after I went to live with them (I was 14 at the time), they had this meaningful talk with me about whether or not I was going to stay and where I would go if I didn't. This then got round to the punchline - if I wanted to stay, I had to be (in their words) "one of the team". They led me upstairs and into their bedroom, where they undressed, and then they undressed me. I was in a state of shock, which made it easier to my step-father to mount me. I can vividly recall that first time, with my step-mother gently telling me in the most ludicrous matter-of-fact voice given what was happening that "first-time intercourse hurts less if you relax". The two other memories that are crystal clear are them showing me pornography to give me an erection so that I could have intercourse with my step-mother, and me, cross-dressed in my step-mother's control underwear, gagging on my step-father's semen for the first time as he screamed "swallow it! swallow it!". Apart from those, the rest is just a blur of sexual depravity that wen't on on a weekly basis until I left home at 18 to go to university.

    What do I tell my fiancee? I can't put any of those pictures in her head, but this is building up to be an issue and previous attempts to put it off with bland statements about "not getting on" just won't wash with her any more.

  • #2
    Assuming you're not a troll... I have to ask, are you in therapy for what you discribe?

    You tell your fiance the truth. Particularly if you haven't had the therapy you should have gotten. Again, particularly if you never reported them to the police. If they're in jail then they won't be able to attend now will they!
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


    • #3
      Assuming troll.

      A step parent is different to an adoptive parent.
      And this wouldn’t be posted in this sub forum , more appropriate would be in the long haul.


      • #4
        I assume you mean adoptive parents or foster parents. I think you should report them to the authorities. They should be held accountable for sexually abusing you, and if they are not held accountable, they could go on to repeat that behavior with someone else, given the opportunity. Reporting them could also be an empowering experience for you. A way to take back your power in a way. As far as telling your fiancé, this is the woman you plan to live with and share life with for the rest of your life. You shouldn't be keeping such a huge secret from her. She is your support system, and can help you. You should also be seeing a therapist to help you process the grief, shame, anger, and other feelings you undoubtedly have over this. Don't keep your fiancé in the dark about this.