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Boyfriend lasts only minuets, has PE havent had big o in the year we been together!!!

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  • Boyfriend lasts only minuets, has PE havent had big o in the year we been together!!!

    Been with this guy a little over year and haven't had an orgasm yet. Took me finally asking him if it was me and then he suddenly decided to tell me he has a problem PE. This was 3 months into the relationship. He always finishes under two minuets. Im highly frustrated he has gone to doctor got pills and lotion to try but nothing is working. I have a very high sex drive and think I have been more than patient. I am to the point where I don't want to even fool around anymore because I just end up frustrated and horny as hell. Is it wrong of me to feel less attracted to someone when you don't have that intimate interaction? I don't see the relationship lasting in fact it is pretty much over for other reasons, like his nasty chewing tobacco habit. I just was wondering if Im selfish for the way I feel, Worst part is he just finishes and doesn't even try to make me happy or get me off. Sometimes I think he just hasn't had a lot of partners and doesn't have a lot of experience. Although he has gone down on me before but twice is not really an effort in my eyes? What do you all think? I personally feel if nothing has worked so far I don't think its going to get any better. Poor guy I feel for him.

  • #2
    Gosh, there is more than one way to skin a cat. My wife and I have not had intercourse in 20 years to do various medical issues and she has 1-2 very intense orgasms every time we have sex. There is oral and there is her vibrator, the one thing that is better than most men in the world in producing orgasms. I am a firm believer in taking responsibility for your own orgasm. If the guy does not do it for you, do what you need to do. Even in porn you can see some women using their fingers to stimulate their clitoris or a vibrator laying next to them on the bed. With the cowgirl position which is woman sitting on top facing the guy, the women and man have access to the clitoris or a vibrator may be used.

    Oral has various variations too and is more intimate than intercourse because it involves more of the senses and different tactile feelings with tongue and fingers. There is no reason for a woman not to have an orgasm when if she needs to should provide what it needed to get the job done. As for PE, that is common for men who have not had a lot of sex. I had that when I was a very young man but after sex for about 10 times it was not a problem anymore. There is an excellent exercise for him. He should edge himself to the brink of an orgasm and then stop before his orgasm. Settle down and do it again and keep doing this for about 10 minutes a day. This allows him to get used to the warning signs of his impending ejaculation. Phase two is that you help him along. When having intercourse he is to either tell you or tap you somewhere to let you know to not move at all so he can settle down. Sooner or later he will train his body to last longer. There are also numbing creams and doubling up on condoms to decrease sensitivity. It is something the both of you can work on together. You play with him and then stop right before he ejaculates. This is called edging. Do this over and over again each night for a few weeks and that usually does the trick. That is what worked for me 52 years ago.

    Even now I will let my wife know if I am close to an orgasm so that if she wants it to last longer she can stop stimulating me. Great communication makes for great sex and yet so many are afraid to talk about it to their partner. My wife knows every fetish and kink I like and learned how to do them. She knows my body better than I do and can tell when I am about to orgasm even before I know that. That is due to 46 years communicating and paying attention to each others buttons and signs of impeding orgasm. I am not bragging when I say that no women has ever left my bed without an orgasm from one way or another. I always kept a vibrator in my night table, actually two so each woman could use her own. I have had women tell me that I was the first man to give them an orgasm. That is because I consider sex an important part of a relationship. It produces the hormone Oxytocin which emotionally bonds the couple together. Without it intimacy disappears as does desire for sex. I also consider sex an art form. I usually know more about the woman's body than she does when it comes to sex.

    My wife went from very strict virgin at 19 to having multiple intense orgasms in under three minutes most times, even now at the age of 66. She can only have 2-3 these days because they start getting painful from the intensity and cramping of her entire body's muscles. When we were younger her record was 17 orgasms in three hours. She actually is a PE dream girl since it does not take much to give her an orgasm. Sometimes she will get one before I even get really started. If you have to use a vibrator, and my wife has a high end one, then do so. It does not bother me since the goal is best orgasms. It also does not take away from our intimacy since we have a long foreplay session with teasing before she grabs BOB, her Battery Operated Buddy. Then I kiss and fondle her through her orgasms. Try the training for your husband. It is not something I made up. I have had a very varied and copious amount of sex in my life and read books, even took a few college courses on sex and relationships, plus liked to try things out with women. Most times they worked and sometimes they did not.

    What I try to do with every new sex partner is to watch her masturbate. From that I learn if she prefers penetration or clitoral stimulation, maybe both. I can see the intensity, tempo and how she touches herself. I also can see the signs and hear the sounds she makes during each stage of her arousal. That is how I learn to please a new women and even the masturbation in front of me while I use my hands to arouse her can be fun. Good luck and buy a small vibrator and you will have lots of orgasms during sex. As we have learned, a penis in a vagina is often not the best way to give an orgasm for most girls and the other ways work too. As my wife says, a great orgasm is a great orgasm no matter how she has it. I think we are raised to believer that PIV is the ultimate way to have sex and a measure of intimacy and the fact of the matter is that it is not true for most.

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    • #3
      kateyes76 , you really don't need to pity your boyfriend. From my perspective, he's a selfish asshat.
      His PE is not the reason why you're not orgasming. That has nothing to do with it.
      The reason why you're not orgasming, is because he doesn't give a f**k. THere is no reason whatsoever why he can't give you oral every single time you have sex, before he gets down to his one minute business. If he knows he's only going to last a minute, he should be going down on you. Not twice in a year. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

      The reality is, he just doesn't care.
      Quite possibly, that might also cause his one minute wonders. He doesn't care enough about your pleasure to try and last longer. Your pleasure doesn't mean jack to him.
      So ask yourself if this is the kind of man you really want to be spending the rest of your life with. I'd know what my answer would be.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        I don't see the relationship lasting in fact it is pretty much over for other reasons,
        Can you just leave him ffs and quit complaining about him but doing NOTHING to better yourself.

        Surely you have a very poor sense of self worth if you continue in this codependent mess you call a relationship. Get off your ass and leave him NOW!
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          Ok I get it. Seems Iíve come off like I have little self worth. To be honest Iíve only written about the negative in this relationship. In all fairness the reasons Iíve stayed and put up with it all is because I like to feel Iíve exhausted all my options and have made sure Iíve done all I can to try and save the relationship. He is a most genuine guy outside of my 2 personal complaints. What Iím having trouble with is deciding if indeed I have given this relationship a fair amount of time to see if things could change. I have decided I have. The other unfortunate problem I have letting go and moving on is he treats me very well on a respectful level. Before I met him I was in a very emotional and verbally abused relationship. So when my current boyfriend came along I really enjoyed his personality and he is a lot of fun to be around. If I could change my two complaints about him it would be a match made in heaven. Maybe thatís my problem I donít know when to call it quits. I feel the one complaint heís trying to fix. The other no I wonít put up with his disgusting habit. I donít feel his PE is his fault and do agree he could do more to please me. Honestly I get the feeling itís a lack of inexperience because of the common sense things Iíve advised him to do already regarding the personal issues. Itís complicated in the sex dept also due to the fact we both live with our parents so Iím sure that plays a part in our problem too. Iím only explaining more because I want to give you more of an idea of the true situation. I might add we have a long distance relationship to begin with. Donít see one another but maybe on the weekends sometimes every other week. We live about an hr and a half apart. There you have it. There is more to my situation than I let be known. I didnít want to bore anyone with the trivial facts although now I think they need to be known to get an honest opinion.

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          • #6
            so in other words, you've exhausted all attempts to sweep your general unhappiness under the rug and are now here seeking more reasons to continue on in your unhappiness but when told that you shouldn't keep on, you try to add more details that may encourage us to change our minds about your unhappiness.

            You haven't once said you love him. Not that loving someone is enough to stay together when you're basically unsatisfied but really, do you love this guy or are you just afraid to be alone? You've already been in one shitty relationship so why are you trying to stay in yet another one? Its basic human decency to treat others respectfully so that's a pretty low bar you've set for a reason to stay.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment


            • #7
              Not encouraging you to change your mind just giving you the whole picture. So tel me this as Iíve stated we donít live close. I last saw him this past Sunday and weíve barely spoke. I want to talk to him in person about the above issues. Do you not agree this should be done in person because that is why I have not ended it yet. One more thing. Is it not controlling to demand someone to stop doing something they have always done that they enjoy just because YOU donít like it?

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              • #8
                Furthermore I will be ending the relationship as of this week. I just wanted some feedback. I do deserve to be happy god knows Iíve been unhappy for to long. Peace

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by kateyes76 View Post
                  Not encouraging you to change your mind just giving you the whole picture. So tel me this as Iíve stated we donít live close. I last saw him this past Sunday and weíve barely spoke. I want to talk to him in person about the above issues. Do you not agree this should be done in person because that is why I have not ended it yet. One more thing. Is it not controlling to demand someone to stop doing something they have always done that they enjoy just because YOU donít like it?
                  You don't "demand" anyone do anything. You can ask him to stop and if he doesn't then you leave. You are the only person you can control so either you learn to accept his gag worthy past time or you leave him to it and you find someone that you can see more often, who satisfies you sexually and with whom you are actually compatible with. Someone that means more to you then the fact he shows you decency.

                  You have had these "issues" with him since the beginning of this very sort union and i'm sure you've discussed them with him at least once (or more) already Yes? Why do you think discussing them more then once will compel him to change or have you come here first prior to discussing them with him?

                  I'm interested in hearing how your conversation with him goes. In the meantime if you're going to keep on going with him then suggest he do kegal exercises. Hopefully after a while, they will help with his PE.

                  http://www.ejaculationfreedom.com/kegels/
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Stand by for the conclusion I will keep you posted. Thank you for your utmost honest option slash advice. Itís all been taken into consideration.

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                    • #11
                      Dump him, if only for chewing tobacco! Eeew!!

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                      • #12
                        I agree. He says heís going to quite and is trying but I know better sad part is I know it will only last so long and then Iím faced with finding out heís being sneaky so I donít find out. It really is disgusting I didnít realize how much it would bother me until he started to do it in front of me. In the same sentence of telling me he wants to do everything to make us work he states how bad he needs a ďchewĒ. ALL I CAN THINK IS. REALLY MAN.

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                        • #13
                          Well, for what its worth. I used to smoke cigarettes and it was one of the hardest things I went through when trying to quit. It's been almost 7 years smoke free now though. Tobacco and the ritual of smoking (or I suppose, chewing) it is a bugger to rehab from. Takes willpower and psychological warfare with oneself to endure.
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Some unfinished responses. No I don't think I am in love with this guy. I do know we have had a lot of fun the year we've been together. When it all comes down to it I think over the last few weeks the Chewing and lack of sexual fulfillment has really started to bother me and become an issue. I feel I have started to realize this isn't something I am willing to keep dealing with or should I say CAPABLE of dealing with any longer. I am human and as a human I guess it is normal to at some point in time ask myself if these are selfish reasons to end a relationship that is amazing in every other aspect. After reading some responses on here it has gotten me to look at things from many different perspectives. Having to realize not being happy with the current relationship and settling is no way to live. It has also helped me to understand I do have a choice to be happy and the only way to be happy is to end this current relationship and find one that will fulfill all of my needs. Whether he is a nice guy or not. I have only one more obstacle to decide on how to deal with. We have already planned a trip at the end of august(paid for) with some of his friends my daughter and her best friend at the end of August. Planned months ago. I know it will be disappointing to all if we do not go. I guess when I tell him this week how I feel I will have my answer . Just seems like really crappy timeing . My feelings really took a dive about a week ago. I feel like im going to hit him with a bomb... What would you do....what is the right thing to do. He doesn't see this coming at all ( even though yes ive talked to him about me not being happy about the 2 issues I have)so I just am so tossed over how to go about the whole Ending it,,,,its not working its not going to work. I wish there was an easier way, but I am only fooling myself trying to think he or things will change. Not so sure he understood it bothered me enough to end things. Thank you all for your input and advise. It has really helped me to put my feelings and thoughts into perspective. Wish me luck. I cant wait for this all to be over. Before I go away NEXT WEEK....LOL

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