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Love My Girlfriend, Terrible Smell

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  • Love My Girlfriend, Terrible Smell

    Hello. I'm in a sticky situation with the person I love. I've told a couple of my closest people about it, and they are stumped. They have absolutely NO advice for me. One of them is my dad. We're really close, and he's very wise, but has nothin' for me on this. So I'm desperate for help, which is why I'm here.

    I am 28, and my girlfriend is 45. It's a bit of a strange relationship just because of the age gap, but we dearly love and appreciate each other. We got together because of this gravity between us that we couldn't ignore. We've been together since November of 2017 (Now it's July of 2018), so almost a year. She has two daughters, 13 and 16, and I get along with them great, and I genuinely care about them, and they care about me even though they don't usually show it (teenagers :P). Never been with a woman with kids, and I don't have kids of my own. She's never been with a man who really cares about her and appreciates her. So this has been an adventure for us both!

    There's just one huge problem, and it's getting harder to handle as time goes on:
    This woman, lovely as she is, has terribly smelly nether regions. That makes me sound like an awful person, and I hate that this is a concern for me at all, but it's true, and it's impossible to ignore. The thing is, she has a clean bill of health. She has no STDs, she has no yeast infections, she has nothing wrong with her body medically. She is also very hygenic and showers every day. Even sex right after a shower is no different.

    It's simply...the way she smells. And it really turns me off. It's very limiting, because I can't bring myself to go down on her, which is one of my favorite things to do in bed. It also limits positioning and switching, and many things, because I just don't want to smell it.

    So I guess one question is, "Maybe you just don't like the way vaginas smell?", but that's not the case. I've been with 13 other women, and some of them carried a more...pungent aroma...and it's NEVER been a problem. You just about can't chase me off it. So my girlfriend's, from what I can tell, is not entirely normal.

    I thought I'd get used to it, or maybe it was just something her body was going through because of a hormonal cycle, so I stuck with it, because she's just so wonderful, and so different and interesting as a person. And her energy is quite sexy. But after almost 8 months, I realize the smell is here to stay. She also squirts, which I love, but it makes the problem worse. Absolutely can't get away from it.

    On her end, she loves the sex. Sex is one of her favorite things about life. We've been very open with each other about everything including our sexual past. She's had MANY partners, and tells me I'm the best. And I believe her. She's a no-nonsense kind of woman, and wouldn't lie to save a man's feelings. So that means she wants to have sex with me as much as she can. She's insatiable, really, which is something I love about her, but it is starting to feel like a chore. What hurts about that, though, is we sometimes have these beautiful emotional experiences where we just melt into one another, and she has these releases where she will cry and be filled with love and gratitude. It's so beautiful when it happens. It just doesn't happen very often because this smell takes me out of the moment. I don't even want to try to describe it. Sometimes I smell it just sitting next to her on the couch or in the car.

    I'm not insecure about the fact that she's had a lot of different sex partners, but I also wonder if that's why? I've heard that semen can change the pH of a vagina, and therefore the smell. And she had a post-divorce patch of super frequent and risky sex with various partners before she met me (but again, she's clean of STDs). Could it be that it altered her body chemistry in some way? And if so, does that mean it can go back?

    I really don't know what the hell to do about this. This woman and I understand and appreciate each other in a way that is deep and beautiful and intriguing. We are supportive of one another, and give each other space in the ways that matter. Our relationship has been...magical, really. I just dread having sex with her most of the time.

    This is something I could never tell her. Even if I left her, I couldn't tell her why. She already suffers feelings of inadequacy because of old wounds from past men, and sometimes struggles with feelings of being unlovable (also from past men). If I put myself in her shoes, I don't know if I could be okay if the first real love I've ever had, left me because, "Well, your vagina just smells really bad and I can't take it anymore.".

    I can't do that to her. But I don't know how much longer I can soldier on with it. I also have to think about her daughters' feelings!

    And before you tell me, "You should have told her in the beginning! Why did you let it go this long?!", it's more complicated than that for reasons I already described. For one, I thought it might change or I'd get used to it. I didn't want to be dishonest, but I also don't want to be hasty, because of how incredible the rest of our relationship is.

    What the hell do I do?!

  • #2
    Well this is a tricky situation!
    I'm trying to ask myself how I'd feel if my boyfriend didn't like my smell and how I'd like him to handle the situation.
    I think you'll have to come to terms with the fact that however you adress this, it will hurt her feelings and she will feel embarrassed about it. There's no going around that.
    If it's affecting your desire to have sex with her, it's time to face it though. Unless you'd rather leave the relationship with no explanation.

    If I were you, I'd approach it in a gentle but direct way. You find a moment alone, sit her down and say:
    " Honey, you know I love you, and I love your body. I love our sex life, but I feel like I need to be honest about something. Sometimes your natural smell is a bit overwhelming. It's not something I'm used to and it makes me wonder whether you're using the right kind of soap or body lotion. Now, I don't want your to feel embarrassed about this. Smells are natural and they happen to all of us, including me. And if I ever go through this, I'd want you to tell me too, because I'd want to know the truth so I can fix it."

    It won't be an easy conversation, but it's better than breaking up over something she's not even aware of.


    • #3
      I read your post three times last night and just couldn't decide how to approach a response! You seem really sweet because you care about your girlfriend, but I think like Ayla said there is no way this isn't going to be embarrassing and awkward. I think if you broach the topic with her and you guys work together to maybe finding a solution you may eventually look back on this and find it humorous. As for solutions, there is pH balancing soap made just for women, which I think is totally worth giving a shot.


      • #4
        Sometimes I smell it just sitting next to her on the couch or in the car.
        When is the last time your old lady saw a doctor? That is NOT normal and it actually would indicate that she has vaginosis.

        Okay, taking a chance that this isn't a troll post from some d-bag on university leave then I'll say this: If she's been to the doctor recently then I suggest that you google "diet to make your vagina smell sweet" and read. I know that a diet that includes pineapple and cinnamon can make a man's seamen taste better so maybe something like that will make the junk less skunk.

        If the smell doesn't simmer down after a visit to the doctor and a diet change then YOU have to decide if her smell is a deal breaker or not.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


        • #5
          It's highly likely that your gf has bacterial vaginosis. This is not an sti but am imbalance of bacteria in the vagina.
          An old fashioned laboratory test for it was to change the ph of vaginal secretions resulting in an amine being produced resulting in a charachteristic fishy odour. You are correct in that semen has the same effect.

          She will be aware of her own scent, I'm guessing she has just hoped you haven't noticed.

          She could try using natural yoghurt placed inside her to try and introduce lactobacilli back into her and regaining the natural balance of bacteria. Or it is treatable with an antibiotic called metronidazole or flagyl. It's pretty harsh though and could result in thrush and then a cycle between one or the other.

          She needs to see a GP to discuss. Has she had a recent Pap smear? Bacterial vaginosis is often diagnosed that way.