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Partner not reciprocating oral sex (enough)

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  • Partner not reciprocating oral sex (enough)

    Hi there. Any advice on how to improve this?

    I have indicated to my guy that I want more oral sex. I give it willingly to him. I have good hygiene and always freshen up before we see each other too.

    I have had partners in the past who enjoyed giving oral sex and it was so enjoyable when we were both really into it. It doesn't feel sexy to me when it seems like a chore or undesirable act to my partner. I start to wonder if ultimately this will be a deal breaker to me... does anyone have experience like this where they were able to not just have more reciprocated oral sex but also to have a partner's attitude towards it change? Maybe somebody out there had experience where they began enjoying giving oral sex more for some reason?

  • #2
    do you syave bald. many guys have told me going down on hairy girls is duty not pleasure. do you use perfumed soap down there.? may be too strong or weak. after you masturbate smell your fingers to see if neutral or pleasant. some guys just find oral sex on females distasteful.

    easiest solution is don't go down on him until he gives you head first. simple training trick that works well for me. i use a mild perfume on my lips and always ask partners how did i smell & taste after they come up for air.

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    • #3
      Aside from his disinterest in oral sex, is he generally disinterested in YOU? Figure out if there are emotional barriers between the both of you.

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      • #4
        I've had this problem with an ex boyfriend. I'd say the ration was about 1 in 20. It drove me nuts.

        From my experience, there are several differenty reasons why he's not giving any oral sex.

        1. He just doesn't like doing it.
        You won't change this. He will always be reluctant and only do it if you pressure him (like denying him oral sex unless he returns the favor).
        But his heart will never be in it, and let's be honest. The best oral comes from guys who love to dive in there.

        2. He really doesn't care very much about your sexual pleasure.
        Some guys are selfish lovers. Deep down they don't think it's important for a girl to enoy herself, and that sex is more about the guy anyway.
        These guys are very hard to change, because they don't see any need to improve.

        3. He's insecure about his performance or unaware you like it.
        Maybe this guy has had bad experiences in the past with women who didn't like what he was doing or made comments about his bad performance.
        Maybe girls in the past have told him they didn't like receiving oral, so he's unaware that this is something you enjoy.
        These guys, you can work with! Just tell him straight up that you really like it and would like him to up his effort.

        4. The problem is you. The smell, taste or general hygiene is not okay.
        Too much hygiene (tasting like soap) is not cool either, so make sure you rinse.

        There may be other reasons, but I think these are the main ones.
        So, what category do you think your boyfriend is in?

        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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        • #5
          Thanks all for your ideas.

          rabbithabit I keep myself shaved or otherwise trimmed very very short, the hair shouldn't be an issue. I think your strategy could help with training haha, I just wish we both enjoyed it!


          Rose Mosse I'm pretty confident this is not the issue, we have been together a few months and even at the start when things were more intense and passionate he didn't seem to want to do it. I don't think he is disinterested in me.

          Ayla I sadly think it is option #1, which means either putting up with it or ending things if it's a deal breaker. I guess down the road there's a slim chance he will come to enjoy it but I think you're right. The best oral comes from those who find it a pleasure to do. Was this a deal breaker with your ex?

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          • #6
            Afterimage glad i could be of help in this situation. i believe after he does you often he will start to enjoy activity. don't go down on longer or better than he does for you especially at beginning. make sure he does you first. ask him about appearance changes he would like to make more enjoyable.

            i had one guy that loved it when i put lip gloss on lips another one wanted me sit on his face rather than crawling between my legs.another one want me wear sexy thong pushed to side for him. make it as interesting as possible for him like different positions.
            Last edited by rabbithabit; June 29th, 2018, 04:41 PM.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Afterimage View Post
              Was this a deal breaker with your ex?
              It was one of many issues in the relationship.
              Turns out that after years together, I learned to live with most of his flaws. I got used to a lot of the issues we had.
              The sex however, that only got worse. I never got used to being sexually unfulfilled. More so, it, turned out to be the thing that broke us up in the end.

              I really don't know if it would have been a deal-breaker if everything else in the relationship was perfect. Maybe I would have stuck around and accepted it for what it was. But combined with other issues, it made me check out in the end.

              No one can tell you what the right decision is for you. You're the only one who knows how important sex is for you and how much you'd be willing to compromise.
              You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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              • #8
                I'm with Rose on this one: You've only known him a few months. Maybe he likes to save that kind of thing for when he's sure that who he's doing it to is someone he actually loves. (??)

                What did your partner say when you indicated to him that you would like more oral sex? You don't say in your opening post what his response was.
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                • #9
                  if you sit back and wait it will only worsen recovery, if you are going to wait deny all sexual contact to him completely until he comits whole heartily to your sexual desires.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                    I'm with Rose on this one: You've only known him a few months. Maybe he likes to save that kind of thing for when he's sure that who he's doing it to is someone he actually loves. (??)

                    What did your partner say when you indicated to him that you would like more oral sex? You don't say in your opening post what his response was.
                    phasesofthemoon I hope you're right. When I asked him the first he said he didn't know that I wanted him to. I brought it up a second time and said it was something I wanted to do more (oral sex in general, as I'm more than happy to reciprocate) and he seemed receptive to it, saying yes it is something we can do. However, it's not a regular event in our sex life still.

                    It is really important to me, I think it's probably too early to say if it will get better or not or if this is a deal breaker. I think there are more important qualities in a partner and relationship but it sure does bum me out to not share great oral sex with a partner!

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                    • #11
                      Have you tried suggesting 69? He might be more into it if he's getting some at the same time?

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                      • #12
                        Its one of three things:
                        1. Hes insecure that hes not doing it right and its stressful knowing he probably wont get you off.
                        2. Hes a selfish lazy jerk who sees it as a chore and he only really cares about his own pleasure.
                        3. Hes gay

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Afterimage View Post

                          phasesofthemoon I hope you're right. When I asked him the first he said he didn't know that I wanted him to. I brought it up a second time and said it was something I wanted to do more (oral sex in general, as I'm more than happy to reciprocate) and he seemed receptive to it, saying yes it is something we can do. However, it's not a regular event in our sex life still.

                          It is really important to me, I think it's probably too early to say if it will get better or not or if this is a deal breaker. I think there are more important qualities in a partner and relationship but it sure does bum me out to not share great oral sex with a partner!
                          First off, using sex or denying sex as a bartering tool is very poor advice and will only lead to resentment. Not to mention that when you deny him, you aren't getting any either so if I were you, I'd ignore rabbithabit's advice in post #9.

                          If you want it to be a "regular event" in your sex life then make that known and ask him to go down on you every single time. Keep reminding him until he "gets it."
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                            I'm with Rose on this one: You've only known him a few months. Maybe he likes to save that kind of thing for when he's sure that who he's doing it to is someone he actually loves. (??)
                            Perhaps you're right, but I really don't imagine many guys having this viewpoint. Sex maybe... but I just can't picture a bloke saying he doesn't eat the box until he's in love!

                            I think it's far more likely that he's uninterested/selfish/insecure.
                            Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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                            • #15
                              I can't see any guy saying "I'll not eat the box until I'm in love" but subconsciously, I can see him being rather unwilling if he doesn't love/trust the woman attached to the poonanny he's about to munch on. There are certainly guys that don't give it a second thought and have a penchant for it, just like there are women that love to honk on bobo whether they just met the guy or he's the love of their life... not gonna dispute that.
                              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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