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My partner complains I don't instigate sex but makes me feel ridiculous when I try

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  • My partner complains I don't instigate sex but makes me feel ridiculous when I try

    My partner and I have been together for 6 months and I have a low libido. I used to have a high one when I was single as I was not on hormonal contraception but as we are a couple I have been on the pill and now depo injection. It has affected my attitude and lowered my libido and we have spoken about it today and I am trying to make him feel more desired. I also have a dodgy past that has made my confidence as a lover drop. I'm only 23. I took what he said on board and dressed sexy ready for him when he got out of shower. He koticed but said that he doesnt know what im doing as he'd have to do all the work anyway. I had drunk 2 litres of water to get ready to give him a blowing (which he complains he has to ask for) and now I just feel ridiculous. I normally leave a guy for being a dick but he is so lovely and kind towards me. But I am trying for him and he makes me feel insexy and inadequate like I can't please him because only he can. I don't know what else to say I feel like shit

    also we have had this discussion before and I've tried before. Same result each time. Should I give up and end it?
    Last edited by Anonredlady; June 24th, 2018, 04:52 PM.

  • #2
    Yes, end it but before you do, go to your doctor and get yourself on some other form of birth control. E.G. A IUD without hormones. Maybe you'll get your libido back if you don't have arificial hormones screwing with your desire.

    Why do you have to drink "2 liters of water" in order to give him "a blowing?"

    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


    • #3
      I had the same problem while I was on the pill, along with some other complications (mood swings, overall down feeling, increased appetite and weightgain).
      I've been off the pill and on an IUD without hormones for 2 years now. After about a month, I was back to being me again. I'd never go back on the pill. Try it! It will change your life.

      But even if your libido returnes, don't waste any more time on this guy. He sounds like a selfish ass.
      What you need is a man who sees sex as an intimate moment between 2 people who are engulfed in each other and devoted to giving each other pleasure.

      Also, just as Phases, I'm really curious to why you need to drink water for giving him a "blowing" (I assume that's another word for blow job?)
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


      • #4
        I've had a similar problem with my girlfriend kind of like you're describing, so I understand the frustration your boyfriend may feel. As guys, we get annoyed feeling like our s/o has no interest in sex with us even if it's nothing personal. That being said, I've had a conversation with my girlfriend about that too, and I might lose my shit if she actually tried to dress sexy for me when I got out of the shower, so kudos to you for putting in that effort. As far as "doing all the work" I can understand that too, I frequently put in a lot of physical effort when me and my girlfriend do it and while I don't necessarily mind, it can be another thing that a guy will exaggerate if he's been frustrated about other things.

        He shouldn't belittle you for trying to fix what was bothering him. It may take you saying to him that you're trying to change your behavior for him but he doesn't exactly make you feel like it's worth that when he makes you feel like an idiot for putting in effort. I'm a believer that those kind of issues can be fixed, but when a guy has been sexually frustrated for a long time in some fashion, it can build up some resentment in that area, so sure he's probably a great guy to you, but when it comes to sexual things he may get aggravated very easily. Don't give up on trying to be spontaneous because most guys love that, but if he's going to patronize you for it, you have to tell him to cut the shit.


        • #5
          6 months is very new, but as a woman you want a guy who is going to be loving caring respectful and understanding to whatever may be going on with you sexually. Not everyone is spontaneous or knows how to be creative when it comes to sex, I suggest that he should show you through his actions but also be open and honest with you about what he wants what you want and the needs between you both. If it doesn't get better and no change then you will both will have to make some decisions about the relationship moving forward. Hope it works out best! Dont feel bad!