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Am I being hypocritical? I need relationship/sex help asap

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  • Am I being hypocritical? I need relationship/sex help asap

    Ok, so to make a long story increasingly short.. my boyfriend and I started our relationship long distance, I was young at the time (just turned 18, and I'm 21 now) and it was my first relationship, he was a regular porn watcher and he masturbatetd religiously and I was intimidated by that at the time, so I asked him if he would stop and he obliged. Fast forward a few months and he really struggled to keep it up during sex and came clean about still watching porn.. BUT, since then, he says he's been off it. I have had suspicions about him still doing it but never confronted him (he brings his spare phone into the bathroom and spends an hour in there...), but the issue is that lately he NEVER wants to have sex, we're 6 months into this year and we've only had sex around 5 times, he knows I want it more but he says he's too tired etc and he just yells at me for pressuring him or making him feel guilted into it. I don't want sex off my boyfriend because he feels guilted into it, but my drive has been building and building. When we have sex he never waits for me to orgasm and it's usually very short. So, over the last few days, I've been watching porn myself (not masturbating) and impulsively bought a rampant rabbit vibrator... but now I feel guilty because my boyfriend doesn't know about it. If I use it on my own would it be hypocritical/unfair of me? It sounds childish but I'm just really horny lately and I need to release it but can't do it with just my hands. I need help, do I tell him? Keep it a secret? I'm afraid of how he'll react.

  • #2
    I think you need to re-evaluate if this is the kind of relationship you want to be in.

    If sex is an issue so early in your life and in your relationship, that's a bad sign. At some point in your life sex may not be such a big deal anymore, but your post suggests that it is right now. That's perfectly normal. I wouldn't have wanted to give up on having a decent sex life at 21 either.
    And it's not just the sex, is it? It's the secrecy, the lack of open communication and transparancy, it's the fact that you've both turned towards external things (porn, vibrators) to get the kind of pleasure you no longer have together.
    At this point, what separates you from roommates? How are you different from 2 very good friends sharing a house together?

    I've been where you are and I can tell you, this won't last. At some point you have to decide whether you're okay with not having a fulfilling sexlife, or decide that you need more and move on from this relationship.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      Don't settle. You've discovered that you're not compatible so don't settle just because you're addicted to having him in your life. You will be tempted to stray (even if you say "I'd never do that") when the first guy you find yourself attracted to you start to spend time with in the guise of "friendship." You're too young to be forming a callous on your yoohoo due to using a rabbit vibrator because you and your partner lack sexual compatibility.

      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4
        Maybe you should try and introduce the toy into sex with your boyfriend, he might find that a turn on watching you play...I know I do. Sometimes itís finding things you enjoy together...maybe if youíre enjoying watching porn you could watch it together. Iíve done that with some past lovers and the sex can be amazing!


        • #5
          I think you need to have an open conversation with him. You need to make it clear that you need more sex than you are receiving. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with watching porn and masturbating, you should tell him that your needs are making you do the exact thing that you were uncomfortable with him doing. If he is unwilling to put some effort into improving your sex life, then it is time for you to decide how important your sexual needs are to you. If he is unwilling to be more sexual with you now, then it won't change for the better in a few months or years. Are you okay with being in a sexless, or sexually unsatisfying relationship for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, then you need to leave the relationship and find someone who is more sexual compatible with you.