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  • Performing in the bedroom

    I'm in a committed relationship for almost two years now. We've been through so many high and lows together. We already said "I love you" to one another and spoke about marriage. The only issue is the sex. He's lacking in the packing and sometimes he can't get me there. I feel bad for saying this but it's true and I need help. I don't want to hurt his feelings. Sometimes he would ask me if I orgasmed and when I would say no he would feel insecure so I don't want to add to it. Should I just put my sexual needs aside because I love him? Is there another option?

    Thanks,

    Aisa

  • #2
    First it might help if you elaborate what exactly isn't working out.
    - Do you have any specific desires that he doesn't fulfil?
    - Does he try to make you orgasm in different ways, and not just through intercourse?
    - Do you communicate openly about your sexual likes and dislikes, without embarrassment?
    - Does he listen if you tell him about your body and the things you enjoy?
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      Thanks, Ayla. These are important questions. First, I just wish he was bigger. During our session, I can get bored because I'm not able to feel much. He does try other things like oral sex for example but that doesn't seem to help much either. He has to do it for a really long time until the point he's tired so I can get any pleasure from it. It's somewhat difficult to explain exactly what I need from him. All I know is that other partners were able to get me there. He's a great listener when it comes to other things but he gets really insecure when I tell him I don't orgasm. We even got into a fight one time over this whole sex thing and he ended up calling me superficial. Am I at fault at all here?

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      • #4
        Wow, he asks if you orgasm, then calls you superficial because you didn't ? That's a relationship made in heaven, isn't it ? You are not at fault here, sweetie. Would he prefer you lied every time and said "Yes" !?

        I dated someone for nearly two years who was 'lacking in the packing' (love that !) and found that if I changed positions (from one side to the other, elevating my hip, etc) it made a big difference. Not the most 'natural' of all scenes, but we made do.
        Sometimes though, we would ultimately resort to doggy style, so he had as much room as he needed to try and get me to reach climax.

        Aside from the above, I'm afraid you're stuck with what the good Lord gave him.
        The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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        • #5
          He needs to grind against your pelvis when he's thrusting. I'm surprised that that isn't happening if he's on the smaller size. Do you help him to get you there by going on top and taking control or in some other way that you know will facilitate you cumming?
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            Thanks all! Sorry, I wasn't very clear. He's not calling me superficial because I didn't orgasm. He says I'm superficial because he thinks all I care about is a big penis.
            I do go on top sometimes and put in the work and I can orgasm. But I would also try the other positions you guys mentioned and see how that works.
            I also want to learn how to communicate what I need from him in a way he won't get offended or defensive.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Aisa Ivey View Post
              I'm in a committed relationship for almost two years now. We've been through so many high and lows together. We already said "I love you" to one another and spoke about marriage. The only issue is the sex. He's lacking in the packing and sometimes he can't get me there. I feel bad for saying this but it's true and I need help. I don't want to hurt his feelings. Sometimes he would ask me if I orgasmed and when I would say no he would feel insecure so I don't want to add to it. Should I just put my sexual needs aside because I love him? Is there another option?

              Thanks,

              Aisa
              When you say "lacking", what do you mean? Is he well below average? Have you measured it? What can you compare it to?

              Comment


              • #8
                I mean his penis is not very big compared to my most recent partners. He measured himself and says he's 3 inches when non erect and double that when erect even though it doesn't look it. It just looks small to me and I have trouble reaching climax so that's why I'm seeking advice to better the sexual aspect of our relationship.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Well, obviously that package isn't going to grow anymore.

                  Sex is important. However, you need to decide how important.
                  He can (should!) try different things to make sure you still orgasm. Of course it's confronting for a man to hear he's not getting you there, so try to be gentle about the way you talk about it. But in the end, if he just gets butthurt and doesn't put in extra effort, you need to decide if you're willing to give up on good sex just to be with him.
                  You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Aisa Ivey View Post
                    I mean his penis is not very big compared to my most recent partners. He measured himself and says he's 3 inches when non erect and double that when erect even though it doesn't look it. It just looks small to me and I have trouble reaching climax so that's why I'm seeking advice to better the sexual aspect of our relationship.
                    Look, sista... the size of a man's penis is NOT what causes you to orgasm. Teach him what he needs to do to get you to pop. If you can't be bothered to do that, or, you try and he's not a willing student, then dump his ass. Complaining about it aint going to accomplish a thing.
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I understand you can still climax with a smaller than average penis. I'm saying that I can't feel much of him when he's inside because he is so small. Not reaching climax is the other issue.

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                      • #12
                        Maybe he's not too small, it's just that you're too big? *Does five Kegals*
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                        • #13
                           
                          Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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                          • #14
                            whatshappeningreg lolzzz.
                            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              phasesofthemoon take the cyber bullying approach. That's nice and very mature of you.

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