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Sex Ultimatum? Perimenopause?

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  • Sex Ultimatum? Perimenopause?

    She is very anxious and nervous about skipped periods. She said she cannot focus on sex if she didn't get her period. She said "no period no sex." She is nervous, I get it, fine, let's wait for her period.

    Then I thought... she may be experiencing perimenopause. What if she doesn't get a period for 6 months? She said, then no sex for 6 months.

    If I knew she had such a ridiculously low sex drive, I would not have dated her. We are aged 40. Did she issue a sex ultimatum?

  • #2
    She needs to go to the doctor and discuss the issue.

    Are you married? Just dating? How long together?

    No she did not issue a sex ultimatum. She is just stating a fact. It would be an ultimatum if she said. "Either we don't have sex until I get my period or you are out of my life."
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      dating 3 months. I see her about 24 hours a week. sleep over 1-2 a week.

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      • #4
        I don't consider that a fact. Maybe her prerogative?

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        • #5
          Then leave her if you don't like her conditions for having sex. You barely know her but what you do know, you're not liking (no period/no sex) so bounce.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            I'm considering that strongly right now. I guess I just want to chat. It just seems crazy to me.
            Wondering if she has hidden reasons she isn't telling me. In February, she said she doesn't want to have sex until the 6 month mark. We started early, so I wonder if she is just trying to buy time

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            • #7
              Originally posted by sizzlincow View Post
              She is very anxious and nervous about skipped periods. She said she cannot focus on sex if she didn't get her period. She said "no period no sex." She is nervous, I get it, fine, let's wait for her period.

              Then I thought... she may be experiencing perimenopause. What if she doesn't get a period for 6 months? She said, then no sex for 6 months.

              If I knew she had such a ridiculously low sex drive, I would not have dated her. We are aged 40. Did she issue a sex ultimatum?
              You wouldn't have dated her had you known she had a low sex drive, that's fine.
              After a mere 84 days and only having met her less than 20 times you know for sure she has a low sex drive.
              So don't date her. Problem solved.

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              • #8
                Adding to that, I agree with Phases. It was not an ultimatum. There was no "or else" . You don't have to like it. And you are perfectly free to leave. An ultimatum would be if you said if we don't have sex I will leave.

                Some go through menopause early but 40 is too early for the majority.
                She may just fear falling pregnant.
                Is she using oral contraception? If not, then it would help regulate her periods.
                Are you using condoms?

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                • #9
                  Does she have a low sex drive overall or is the problem happening only when she misses periods? If it's overall sex drive then you are probably not combatible if it's a dealbreaker for you. If it's happening only when she misses a period I'd say she needs help and you might want to think about if you want to support her through that.

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