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  • We need help!

    Hi everyone!

    Im new to this, so hope I'm doing it right!

    So, basically, me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 4 years now. I am 23 he is 22. We have lived together for nearly 2 years. Don't get me wrong, my relationship is based on a foundation of love and trust, but this past year has been tough. When we moved in together, i was in a job that meant i worked in the evenings and he worked in the day, so we very rarely saw each other. I think this is when our intimate problems started to happen. We didn't really have time for sex, and when we did have time together, we wanted to do something outside of the flat. We would spend our day out doing something, and when we got home we would crash on the sofa and not do much. It wasn't a concern at first, but then a couple of weeks turned into a month, and then a month turned into a couple of months. I got incredibly anxious about it all and was constantly asking him why we weren't having sex ect. I know this didn't help, but i literally couldn't stop myself from talking about it. Don't get me wrong, sometimes we would still get intimate, and sometimes we would end up having some sex but it wasn't as good or as meaningful as it was when we were at uni together. Our relationship has struggled with a lot and got through a lot, so we pretty much get through most things life throws at us.

    Fast forward to now, my boyfriend has admitted to me that he has a fear that if we try and have sex and it doesn't happen, we will get in an argument and possibly break up (this has happened in the past). I can honestly say the problems lay with him as he just has no sexual drive at all. He has been to the doctors and they have said he could be slightly depressed. This is something i suspected myself, and its something i can relate to. I have suggested he gets a CBT appointment as i believe its his mindset that needs to be looked at, for example he needs to realise that the longer it is left like this its not going to get better it will get worse.

    I love this guy so much. He has helped me through some of the hardest challenges I've faced, and he really does love me back. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm 23 years old but I'm missing out on possibly a seriously good sex life. I know sex isn't everything, but the lack of intimacy is making me doubt everything. I don't want to just give up though!

    Any advice is welcome!

    Thanks !

  • #2
    Well, you think he should get CBT (which I think is a good idea as well). What does he say about that?

    I also wonder, did is doctor check his testosterone level and do other blood work? He may have a low T count and meds can help with that.

    Adding: Have you tried looking at couples porn together? (Not that regular screaming banshee kind that tends to scare most us gals veejay closed) Couples porn is more romantic and, IMO, more erotic and generally more arousing when watching as a duo.
    Last edited by phasesofthemoon; May 6th, 2018, 07:58 PM.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!