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  • Girlfriend caught me watching porn...

    Hi all,




    As the title says, the above happened last night. This morning I woke up and my girlfriend said to me last night “right I’m not wanting to be paranoid and I don’t want you to lie to me, but what were you watching last night in bed?”. I was watching porn, so I told her I was watching porn. She was really freaked out. I said to her “well I didn’t think you were in the mood so I helped myself” and she then came back with “well if you want a girl who wants sex every night then you need to find someone else”, which I replied with “I know you’re not all that into it, that’s why I didn’t ask you and took matters into my own hands”.




    Normally I’d go to the bathroom to do this, but she has a double bunk so I’d have to climb over her and wake her up, something which she wouldn’t have liked. I asked her if she had a problem with porn in general and she said well yeah it’s kinda weird but it was more that you’d do that right next to me. The night before I’d jacked myself off but without the use of porn, and midway through she’d woken up and ended up helping me out. So that kinda means that the part she’s weirded out about is the porn next to her, not masturbating by myself next to her....




    We’ve only been together since January, she’s 19, and she was a virgin before she met me. After about a month together we started having sex, and this was near enough every other night we spent together. Which was absolutely fine with me. This happened while we were away together on holiday as while I’m at hers it’s kinda hard to do that while we are in her bunk so I’ve never even tried to do it. We normally rotate between a weekend at my place and a weekend at her place, at my place is normally where we have sex, but she hasn’t been over to mine in a month due to some commitments at home which I totally understand, so while at hers I’ve had to find some way to get myself off and it seems she’s not happy about it...







    This morning everything is really awkward between us and I feel like maybe she thinks im a perv or something....what do I do? It’s a brand new relationship and the sex has already declined, I’m hoping this is just because of sleeping arrangements. I don’t want it every night, once a weekend (so once a week) is fine for me, but I always have to initiate sex with her and I feel that like sometimes if I do that she might not be in the mood and it might piss her off....

  • #2
    Bottom line, you were an ass for watching while beside her. You didn't want to crawl over her and wake her yet you were jiggling the bed while watching other naked women and it weirded her out. If you had to take a piss wouldn't you have taken the chance of waking her up then?

    It all sounds weird actually, you doing her in her bunk bed like she is 12 or something.

    Normally I have issue with women who insist that their partners don't look or wank to porn but in this case, your situation is an epic fail on your part.

    Apologize and be sure to tell her that porn means nothing to you then the visual it gives you to help you get off. Keep your porn watching to yourself and stop putting her down for her bedroom skills. Not only did you weird her out, but then to make yourself seem less of a fuck up, you turned it all around on her and insulted her.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      Yeah dude, you fucked up.

      Pretty much everyone wanks off on their own time, but watching porn right next to her in the bed... really?! Did you expect that to go down well?!

      I suggest you apologise and in future save your porn watching until you are not with your GF.
      Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Boj27 View Post
        Hi all,
        As the title says, the above happened last night. This morning I woke up and my girlfriend said to me last night “right I’m not wanting to be paranoid and I don’t want you to lie to me, but what were you watching last night in bed?”. I was watching porn, so I told her I was watching porn. She was really freaked out. I said to her “well I didn’t think you were in the mood so I helped myself” and she then came back with “well if you want a girl who wants sex every night then you need to find someone else”, which I replied with “I know you’re not all that into it, that’s why I didn’t ask you and took matters into my own hands”.

        Normally I’d go to the bathroom to do this, but she has a double bunk so I’d have to climb over her and wake her up, something which she wouldn’t have liked. I asked her if she had a problem with porn in general and she said well yeah it’s kinda weird but it was more that you’d do that right next to me. The night before I’d jacked myself off but without the use of porn, and midway through she’d woken up and ended up helping me out. So that kinda means that the part she’s weirded out about is the porn next to her, not masturbating by myself next to her....

        We’ve only been together since January, she’s 19, and she was a virgin before she met me. After about a month together we started having sex, and this was near enough every other night we spent together. Which was absolutely fine with me. This happened while we were away together on holiday as while I’m at hers it’s kinda hard to do that while we are in her bunk so I’ve never even tried to do it. We normally rotate between a weekend at my place and a weekend at her place, at my place is normally where we have sex, but she hasn’t been over to mine in a month due to some commitments at home which I totally understand, so while at hers I’ve had to find some way to get myself off and it seems she’s not happy about it...

        This morning everything is really awkward between us and I feel like maybe she thinks im a perv or something....what do I do? It’s a brand new relationship and the sex has already declined, I’m hoping this is just because of sleeping arrangements. I don’t want it every night, once a weekend (so once a week) is fine for me, but I always have to initiate sex with her and I feel that like sometimes if I do that she might not be in the mood and it might piss her off....
        She's 19 but may I ask how old are you? I think because it's a new relationship the both of you simply don't know each other well enough and that adds weirdness to almost any situation especially situations involving your bodies. How did you both meet? What else do you see in the relationship? Is she special to you in any way or is she just a warm fleshy body?

        Comment


        • #5
          Hey all,

          so so we spent today speaking about all this. She wasn’t weirded out that I was doing it next to her, she was just upset cos I watched porn. She felt insecure about it and inadequate. She didn’t feel upset because it involved other women, she was just upset because I felt the need to watch porn while I was with her. We talked about sex and everything else, and basically she is on citalopram and it’s ruined her sex drive (although she was a virgin and has apparently never masturbated even before starting her pills, so I don’t know how she knows what her sex drive should be like anyway). She’s basically said she has no sex drive and doesn’t think she ever will have one, and has started to question whether she should try find someone who doesn’t like sex. It’s a big shame but it’s sounding as if we aren’t going to be compatible. I did say that finding someone else who doesn’t want sex at all in their 20’s would be quite hard, but we’ve agreed to stick it out for another month or so and just see what happens. It’s a big shame because everything else is right - she makes me laugh, has a great personality, her family are great. Shame really.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post

            She's 19 but may I ask how old are you? I think because it's a new relationship the both of you simply don't know each other well enough and that adds weirdness to almost any situation especially situations involving your bodies. How did you both meet? What else do you see in the relationship? Is she special to you in any way or is she just a warm fleshy body?
            The only part of this relationship I don’t really like is the sex part (lack of). I’m 23, and if this wasn’t an issue right now everything would be golden. See above post.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Boj27 View Post
              she is on citalopram and it's ruined her sex drive........She's basically said she has no sex drive and doesn't think she ever will have one, and has started to question whether she should try find someone who doesn't like sex
              This sounds as though she has no real interest in trying to get her sex drive back.

              Is she open to trying different medication to try and recover her sex drive, or is she not interested?

              If it's the latter then I would agree that you aren't compatible and you shouldn't waste any time hanging around.
              Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

              Comment


              • #8
                So you have been together 3 months, didn't have sex until a month in and didn't have sex for the last month because she didn't stay at which is where you have sex. So the one month you were sexually actively was only two weekends as you rotate every weekend and apparently you can't have sex in a bunk bed.

                She was a Virgin when you met her!? I don't think her lack of sex drive has anything to do with citilopram. She just hasn't had a good first experience I'm guessing and already her "bf" is more concerned about getting himself off than her.

                Nothing further to add .

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Boj27 View Post

                  The only part of this relationship I don’t really like is the sex part (lack of). I’m 23, and if this wasn’t an issue right now everything would be golden. See above post.
                  You may be judging your relationship a bit too quickly and not allowing it to blossom. It also sounds like you have a few ideas about what hers and your sex drives should be in your twenties but let me tell you, there are all kinds out there. Open your mind a bit more and just relax about the sex for now. Focus on actually connecting as a couple and doing more fun things together. Trust is important. If she feels like you don't trust her as a person in her own time and you're giving off the vibe like you feel something is wrong between the both of you, that tension is never going to lift and she probably won't feel comfortable with you...ever. I hope you both put your differences aside and become more comfortable with each other.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    bro the fact that she just says like WELL IF U WANT SEX SO BADLY U GOTTA FIND A DIF GIRL!! Homie find a dif girl lol. Honestly bro. I know u gonnaa say a bunch of stuff to me but that single sentence is enough to warrant getting a new girlfriend.

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                    • #11
                      Maybe not the best idea - watching porn next to your girlfriend but I get it. My wife caught me masterbating in the basement after a huge fight over the lack of sex. She was upset but it got her to realize that if she didn't step up her game I was. Make a deal with her - say no more porn if she is willing to have sex more often, otherwise, people have needs.

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