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No long sexually attracted to partner

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  • No long sexually attracted to partner

    To start, I am a female who is in a relationship with another female. We have been together for 5 years. When we first starting dating, I was extremely sexually attracted to her, and our sex life was great. As time has gone on, Iíve found myself becoming less and less interested in sex with her. I find myself wishing she had long hair and wore push up bras and makeup, but none of those things are fulfilled for me. In fact she is often mistaken for a man out in public. I wonder if I were with a more feminine woman, maybe I would be more interested in sex? Itís weird though because in the beginning I was super into it, and nothing about her physically has changed since then - no weight gain or other changes in appearance...Iíve also noticed myself wishing she would put in a little more effort before dates. I always do my hair, put on makeup, and try to select an outfit that is sexy for her. I put in that effort to make her sexually attracted to me. But her extent of getting ready includes brushing her teeth and coming her hair. Thatís about it. I wish for once she would put on a little makeup to look more feminine, or wear a sexy bra or underwear under her clothes. Knowing that Iím just going to see a sports bra when those clothes come off is pretty boring and unappealing. But I know that itís not who she is to wear makeup or lingerie, so I donít know if itís fair of me to ask those things and Iím sure Iím being shallow. Iím just not really sure what to do at this point because it is severely affecting our sex life now.
    Last edited by Rcphill; March 4th, 2018, 08:42 AM.

  • #2
    you fell in love with a butch lesbian that plays the macho role in your relationship. seems now you want to hook up with a femme lesbian.

    dump your butch and persue a femme, i don't understand what the problem is. sound like obvious solution. people change over time but a butch will never become a femme.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by rabbithabit View Post
      people change over time but a butch will never become a femme.
      Just like its freaking rare as hell that a Dom become a sub, unless he's a switch and this doesn't sound as though your butch is a switch and I have never met one that is or can.

      I concur with The Rabbit on this one look elsewhere


      There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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      • #4
        I was in a relationship with a butch woman who was actually transgendered. I knew it the moment I met him. He didn't. I exposed him to a lot of material I had at the time and he was floored and very grateful. He immediately knew that he was transgendered the more he knew more about it and felt more comfortable with that realization. I loved and supported him exactly the way he was and helped him through his transition. He's a very happy individual from the last I heard and has since completely transitioned over a period of many years including changing his official ID and papers. He credits me with his newfound life and identity and I know the appreciation runs deep but I always knew it was in him and right there. He just needed someone to show him that it was perfectly ok to be exactly what he is or wanted to be. He was afraid at the time of judgment and backlash from his family and friends, that people wouldn't pay attention to him and he would be a laughing stock. I stood by it and did exactly what I felt was appropriate and normal and treated him exactly how he wanted to be treated.

        What you're asking for is for someone to change their identity and that's unfair. If you haven't found your place yet or learned more about your identity you're going to run into problems in any of your relationships. Don't take it out on her if you don't feel sexually attracted to her. Move on.
        Last edited by Rose Mosse; March 5th, 2018, 03:54 PM.

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        • #5
          That's a hard one. You have been together for so long but from my own experience, if you are not attracted to her then it's never going to work out. End things respectfully so you both can grieve and move on. Life is too short to waste on people you have no future with. I wasted 6 years on a female (I am female) that I was not sexually attracted to because she was always grumpy at me for not wanting sex. If I didn't feel loved I wouldn't want to make love, she never understood that. I wished I ended it years sooner but I never had the courage to do so. She ended up leaving me for someone else and has been quite nasty towards me. So yes don't have any regrets and end things so you can find someone more to your taste. People grow apart sometimes.

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