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  • Husband wants sex on his terms

    My husband has somewhat of a vast sexual history. His ďnumberĒ is close to 100. I,on the other hand, wasnít so adventurous. When we got together six years ago it was great, but there was always the issue of ďtoo much sexĒ...FROM ME! It was always a source of arguments because I wanted sex 3-4tines a week, it wasnít always the issue but it was a source of many an argument. Fast forward to now we have a baby boy heís just over one and now Iím lucky if itís once a week. Iíve hanged a lot physically,although he says thatís not it st all,we are stressed and tired but when it does happen itís how it happens that bothers me. Itís ONLY when he wants it,how he wants it, and even how long! I feel very much like a ďfuck-bucketĒ sorry to be so vulgar but Iíve no other way of describing how he makes me feel. Iíve approached be subject many many times and he either dismisses what Iím talking about or apologises and says it wonít happen again. It always does. Most recent issue was two days ago we had sex he came after a few minutes,I didnít, he tried to get me there but the baby wakened, he says ďIíll get you later I promiseĒ I was excited and then that night I cuddled into him had him massage my shoulders we had a kiss and he dismisses me straight away, very cold very obvious Iím not getting anything! It makes me embarrassed and hurt. Iíve no real idea why Iím writing here maybe for some assurance or help what to do I feel so low on self confidence and esteem which makes the situation so much worse.

  • #2
    Have you tried date nights or evenings without the baby? What about a romantic weekend trip with champagne and jacuzzi? Sometimes you have to inject a little fun into it.

    Have you considered marriage counseling?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      You have to talk to him about this!!!! You have to tell him how you feel. Maybe don't use the word "fuck bucket" when talking to him, but definitely tell him how you're feeling.

      However, I have been in his situation where as I was undergoing a lot of stress recently and didn't want to have as much sex as before. I talked to my boyfriend about it, who obviously wanted to have more sex, and we came to the conclusion that I simply needed to find ways to destress and relax more in my everyday life. We decided to do other things rather than sex to be intimate - like taking baths together, massaging each other with nice oils, just cuddling, making out, and BOOM all of the sudden that spark was back and we're having more sex than ever! Maybe you can try suggesting to do the same? Just be more intimate to begin with? Best of luck x

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      • #4
        We have every Friday night without the baby, my mum baby sits, and this is when we sleep together or the day after. There is no spontaneity at all and I just feel he does it because he has to not because he wants to. Iíve suggested exactly that jacuzzi and spa break numberous times he just never takes the initiative to plan anything and when I do he says ďwe should book a holiday somewhere sunny insteadĒ which we do not have the funds for. Iíve talked with him until Iím blue in the face hence the resort to anforum to hunt for any similar stories from people and what they did to fix it but I suppose all relationships are different maybe some form of counselling would help.
        Thanks very much everyone for replying x.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by missus View Post
          My husband has somewhat of a vast sexual history. His ďnumberĒ is close to 100. I,on the other hand, wasnít so adventurous. When we got together six years ago it was great, but there was always the issue of ďtoo much sexĒ...FROM ME! It was always a source of arguments because I wanted sex 3-4tines a week, it wasnít always the issue but it was a source of many an argument. Fast forward to now we have a baby boy heís just over one and now Iím lucky if itís once a week. Iíve hanged a lot physically,although he says thatís not it st all,we are stressed and tired but when it does happen itís how it happens that bothers me. Itís ONLY when he wants it,how he wants it, and even how long! I feel very much like a ďfuck-bucketĒ sorry to be so vulgar but Iíve no other way of describing how he makes me feel. Iíve approached be subject many many times and he either dismisses what Iím talking about or apologises and says it wonít happen again. It always does. Most recent issue was two days ago we had sex he came after a few minutes,I didnít, he tried to get me there but the baby wakened, he says ďIíll get you later I promiseĒ I was excited and then that night I cuddled into him had him massage my shoulders we had a kiss and he dismisses me straight away, very cold very obvious Iím not getting anything! It makes me embarrassed and hurt. Iíve no real idea why Iím writing here maybe for some assurance or help what to do I feel so low on self confidence and esteem which makes the situation so much worse.
          Well, you could supplement your orgasms with masturbation and not feel shy about doing it in front of him after he's been so selfish in bed or...

          Next time HE'S in the mood, don't let him enter you until he's made you orgasm via fingers or tongue or both at LEAST once.

          He's tired and he's stressed out or he may even have PP depression or some mental block about sexual intimacy since there is a baby in the mix now. It happens (including male PPD.) Is he older then you?
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            Yes potm but only by three years. Weíre 29 and 32 next month. When it does happen we are extremely open and experimental and comfortable but it just seems thatís when he wants to be like that if you get what I mean. Would PPD have him behave this way? I just donít kno maybe I need to play more hard to get?

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            • #7
              No, don't play hard to get you're not getting it enough as it is. Just know what you want and need in the bedroom and then train him to give it to you. If he goes to enter you before you're ready then stop him and show him what you need him to do to get you there.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                Yeah thatís true! Lol. Iím def gonna try that cos thatís probably where Iím going wrong, maybe make the sex ďmy termsĒ if heís going to try and dictate the ďwhenĒ part. Thank you so much for the advice! Fingers crossed!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by missus View Post
                  Fingers crossed!
                  Yes, he should try doing in that way on you too. Ha!
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                  • #10
                    Hahaha!!!

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                    • #11
                      you are getting a lot of advice here that could lead to a divorce or him finding a more comfortable relationship with someone new . be careful how you act on them. a wife should respect her husband's desires. the masturbation suggest is good. sometimes when i am too drunk, high or tired for penetration i have my bed mate finger me off while i do him in my mouth.

                      some men actually prefer giving me an orgasm in my mouth over in my vagina all the time as do i on occasions.

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                      • #12
                        OhFFS.com
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                        • #13
                          notthisshitagain.com
                          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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