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  • #46
    Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
    He didnít cheat on me though! I think he has a lot of regret with how he lived his past. His mother died when he was 13 and his father left them, im not making excuses but I do think heís changed now. I just donít agree with the whole prostitution thing but thatís just my opinion
    If you think about it though, what is the difference between him screwing unpaid whores and paid whores because unless he was lying to the women that he was cheating on his wife with, those women have even less personal boundaries, morals and sensibilities then someone who is getting paid to perform a service.

    Most escorts and prostitutes never have unsafe sex, they get tested every six months, and importantly, they do not become emotionally invested. That's of course he wasn't doing a crack whore in a back alley.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #47
      Youíre right, with this retroactive jealousy (have u read about it?) Iím just struggling a bit x
      h

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      • #48
        Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
        Youíre right, with this retroactive jealousy (have u read about it?) Iím just struggling a bit x
        h
        Kes you are exhausting me.
        I have asked twice as to why you keep constantly going on about it with your husband.
        I can only imagine how exhausted he must be by your repetive punishment.

        I get that it's RJ, but just you seem to use it as a reason for your behaviour.

        One can be jealous but they use tools to control it. You don't.
        Having RJ is not the same as having RJ AND reacting to it.
        A counsellor can't remove the RJ but merely give you the tools to not react.

        Your poor husband. He regrets his actions about things he did prior to meeting you and you keep making sure he regrets it daily. How is that fair? So next time your RJ rears its ugly head , why don't you try being a little less self centred and realise what it is doing to your husband. Before he decides to bail on your marriage.
        Everytime you have the same conversation , there is never a different outcome.

        So it appears you have researched RJ to the max.
        Now it's time to research into keeping it under control and stop excusing your behaviour.

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        • #49
          Jesus, I am exhausted just reading this thread.

          IF I were him, and you were berating me like that i would dump your RETROACTIVE JEALOUS bitch ass in a heartbeat. retroactive jealousy (sorry Maggie) I find that to be a bunch of horseshit. Not saying it isn't a "thing" although I have never heard of it. What I am saying is if it's a thing to the OP go get fucking help and quit beating your husband over the head till the day you come home and have found he's deserted you.

          I would have by now. Jesus.
          There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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          • #50
            Originally posted by foh4k View Post
            Jesus, I am exhausted just reading this thread.

            IF I were him, and you were berating me like that i would dump your RETROACTIVE JEALOUS bitch ass in a heartbeat. retroactive jealousy (sorry Maggie) I find that to be a bunch of horseshit. Not saying it isn't a "thing" although I have never heard of it. What I am saying is if it's a thing to the OP go get fucking help and quit beating your husband over the head till the day you come home and have found he's deserted you.

            I would have by now. Jesus.
            I'm a bit whatever about RJ too!
            I can understand perhaps in the early stages of a relationship to be a small bit curious and / or jealous of ex partners but once settled in a relationship a partners ex partners or sexual past shouldn't even enter ones head, 7 plus years later is absurd!

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            • #51
              Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
              I don't understand your thought process. You can forgive a cheating douche bag and you believe he's changed but you can't get over the fact he had sex with a woman that gets paid to do it when he WAS SINGLE?
              Makes no sense to me either!

              Kes, hopefully you can make some progress with your counsellor over this. Otherwise you will 100% drive your husband away if you keep on about this.
              Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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              • #52
                Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
                Youíre right, with this retroactive jealousy (have u read about it?) Iím just struggling a bit x
                h
                I've only read about it because you're not the only one who has come to this forum board reacting in it over their S.O. past sexual history so I googled it.

                Like I've said three times now, there are online courses to help you to shut up your OCD thinking on this. Have YOU looked into any of those courses? When is your first therapy session?
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                Comment


                • #53
                  Phasesofthemoon, had first session this afternoon. A lot of issues to deal with, he canít deal with my past either, too much to write. Thanks for taking time to read about RJ, I know it seems insane to u guys but itís very real for sufferers. People can think itís Ďhorseshití or whatever but itís no fun believe me. Am in uk and therapist dealing with this particular issue are few and far between. Iím sticking with the couples counselling at the moment. Iíve made a conscious decision not to ask any more questions, as hard as it will be!!

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                  • #54
                    Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
                    Phasesofthemoon, had first session this afternoon. A lot of issues to deal with, he canít deal with my past either, too much to write. Thanks for taking time to read about RJ, I know it seems insane to u guys but itís very real for sufferers. People can think itís Ďhorseshití or whatever but itís no fun believe me. Am in uk and therapist dealing with this particular issue are few and far between. Iím sticking with the couples counselling at the moment. Iíve made a conscious decision not to ask any more questions, as hard as it will be!!
                    Glad to hear your first session has happened. I know its early and there will be no gains this early but how do you feel after your first session? With this forum and your first session are you getting any stronger in being able to stop your run-away-thoughts?
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Definitely feel slightly more positive but a lot of work needed. Weíre seeing her again on Friday. X

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                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
                        Definitely feel slightly more positive but a lot of work needed. Weíre seeing her again on Friday. X
                        Awesome. I suggest you take a break from your thread and updated us after you have a few sessions under your belt. We aren't professionals here (or most of us aren't anyway) and I wouldn't want you to get mixed or contradiction in what your therapist is suggesting. Up to you, of course. Just sayin.

                        Good luck.
                        Last edited by phasesofthemoon; March 5th, 2018, 03:44 PM.
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          I shall do that , thank you

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                          • #58
                            Your first mistake was to ask about his past - no good comes out of that. Trust me I know. But if you have to ask your second mistake was to ask AFTER you were married instead of BEFORE. Most women lie about their past but guys seem to boost about it. Therefore he is probably telling you the truth. My only concern is if he was able to stoop that low to pay for sex what are the odds he would do it again to fill some "void" of his? Probably pretty good. Make sure you get a full understanding on why he did it and why he wouldn't do it again.

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                            • #59
                              Originally posted by Pink Flamingo View Post
                              Your first mistake was to ask about his past - no good comes out of that. Trust me I know. But if you have to ask your second mistake was to ask AFTER you were married instead of BEFORE. Most women lie about their past but guys seem to boost about it. Therefore he is probably telling you the truth. My only concern is if he was able to stoop that low to pay for sex what are the odds he would do it again to fill some "void" of his? Probably pretty good. Make sure you get a full understanding on why he did it and why he wouldn't do it again.
                              Flamingo, maybe you should start looking at the dates of the threads you're replying on.
                              You've been re-opening threats that have dried up for months
                              You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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                              • #60
                                Originally posted by Ayla View Post

                                Flamingo, maybe you should start looking at the dates of the threads you're replying on.
                                You've been re-opening threats that have dried up for months
                                I do look at dates. You mean people don't look at older threads and read the comments of others? My comments are not always pertaining to just the poster

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