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Husband used prostitues

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

    Before he even met her!????
    You chanelle are extremely unforgiving.
    What makes you think the op doesn't trust her husband?
    She is not struggling within the marriage but what happened prior. Only.
    Yes, I am extremely unforgiving. Any guy who is a prostitute's customer is gross and a lech. Where are you finding all these losers?
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #32
      I have the same struggle. Whenever I met someone who has been with a prostitute they said "as a real man you have to do it once in a lifetime". I relly disagree by that and rather think that a real man would nor support this business nor would he have the need to pay for sex..
      I may be too harsh but I cant help.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
        After 7 years of marriage I have recently found out my husband has visited prostitutes in the past. It was all in a year following the break up of his first marriage. I understand this is the past and he didnít even know me then but itís making me ill that he could even do that! Please help
        Coming in late and haven't read any of the other posts at this point.

        I ask you, would it be "making you ill" if he didn't pay for the sex but was being promiscuous non the less or is it making you sick because they got paid to do him?

        FWIW: There are online courses you can take to over come any retroactive jealousy you may be experiencing. Maybe it would be a good idea if you googled "retroactive jealousy" and looked into it.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #34
          Believe me, Iv probably read everything about

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          • #35
            Retroactive jealousy!

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            • #36
              I'm not suggesting that you read into the disorder but rather that you take one of the courses to help you over come it.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #37
                After reading the rest of the thread and seeing this:
                It was 2/3 years before I met him he did this. Heíd Just found out his ex wife was cheating on him. He cheated on her all through their marriage too but he probably didnít expect her to do it. I know he was probably at a low point and can see that, he took drugs again in that time also. Just so sad itís come to this
                The bolded part would make me feel ill way more then the fact he had meaningless sex with a prostitute.

                You think he's changed though so its interesting that you've wrapped your head around THAT part of him but you can't reconcile his use of prostitutes. Why do you think that is?
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                • #38
                  Further to above: I'm wondering how you can be 'okay' with him being a cheating drug user in the past but you hold such negativity about his choice of sex partner? Why is it you're able to accept him having been such a drug using dawg but you're all a-tither over him being single with someone who got paid to do him?

                  That doesn't make any sense. The only way I could understand your line of thinking is if you were one of the women he cheated with... then that would explain why you are able to justify and reconcile yourself to his philandering.
                  Last edited by phasesofthemoon; March 3rd, 2018, 07:11 PM.
                  "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                  • #39
                    No I was not one of the women he cheated with. I totally believe heís changed and have never doubted his commitment to me.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
                      No I was not one of the women he cheated with. I totally believe heís changed and have never doubted his commitment to me.
                      You never answered my original question. Which was that he admitted 7+ years later that he saw a prostitue but only after as you said yourself that you were "constantly going on"
                      why were you???
                      You don't trust him? There's more to the picture than you are letting on, how can we give an honest perspective when we don't have the full picture?

                      As phases highlighted, he cheated throughout his previous marriage. Did he have any explanation as to why? I'm guessing he "blamed" his ex and took no responsibility for his own actions. Why did he not just leave and be with others without sneaking around?
                      And then the double standards, they split because she cheated on him??? How dare she cheat on a cheater?

                      People don't change. He will still cheat while in an unhappy relationship. That does not mean he will cheat on you. If the relationship is ultimately happy. However I sense it is not based on you "constantly going on" 7 years later!

                      So, please tell me, what's going on?

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                      • #41
                        Like I said earlier I suffer from retroactive jealousy and this rears itís head now and again. When I met him he admitted he cheated on
                        his ex wife and lived a double life, going out, doing drugs etc. Last week I questioned him again about the amount of women heís been with and think he just had enough of me Ďgoing oní and told me the truth and added that he might as well get everything off
                        his chest and that heíd been with prostitutes. I absolutely see why his ex wife left and he deserved it as treated her wrong. I know heís changed though, I really do. Iíve started seeing a counsellor recently and hoping she can help with the RJ. Hope this makes some sort of sense.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
                          Like I said earlier I suffer from retroactive jealousy and this rears itís head now and again. When I met him he admitted he cheated on
                          his ex wife and lived a double life, going out, doing drugs etc. Last week I questioned him again about the amount of women heís been with and think he just had enough of me Ďgoing oní and told me the truth and added that he might as well get everything off
                          his chest and that heíd been with prostitutes. I absolutely see why his ex wife left and he deserved it as treated her wrong. I know heís changed though, I really do. Iíve started seeing a counsellor recently and hoping she can help with the RJ. Hope this makes some sort of sense.
                          How on earth has he put up with you questioning him about his past for 7+ years?
                          You see why his ex wife left! Does he? Because it sounds like he didn't have an option?
                          Has he given any somewhat believable excuse as to why he cheated on her? Was she a jealous person?

                          He didnt have to tell you he saw a prostitute. He only told you because you have constantly berated him . And he ended up telling you whatever hoping that now you will finally stop. But from this post it sounds like it's only made things worse.
                          He will leave you unless you can wrap your head around it.
                          Will you deserve to be left? Absolutely!!!
                          You are repeatedly punishing him.

                          I hope your therapist can help you.
                          How is your marriage otherwise?

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                          • #43
                            I do know this is my issue, I really do but I just donít have the right frame of mind right now, I so hope the counsellor can help too! I do not want to
                            be like this

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
                              No I was not one of the women he cheated with. I totally believe heís changed and have never doubted his commitment to me.
                              I don't understand your thought process. You can forgive a cheating douche bag and you believe he's changed but you can't get over the fact he had sex with a woman that gets paid to do it when he WAS SINGLE?

                              Yes... I hope the counseling helps you to reconcile with the turbulent dialogue going on in your head.
                              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                              • #45
                                He didnít cheat on me though! I think he has a lot of regret with how he lived his past. His mother died when he was 13 and his father left them, im not making excuses but I do think heís changed now. I just donít agree with the whole prostitution thing but thatís just my opinion

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