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Husband used prostitues

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  • #16
    Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
    How did u get help? I feel so helpless, I love him more than anyone Iíve been with before and I know he feels the same. Iím in tears writing this, itís hell. I started seeing a counsellor yesterday x
    I'd love to tell you that there's some formula, some pill, some advice from a counselor that can make this go away. But there isn't. And if you go to retro jealousy sites, you hear all the same platitudes about 'he chose YOU' or "the past is the past' or 'use positive thinking.' And if you've never suffered from it, it's impossible to know that this advice is useless, because it's an emotional dysfunction and not a rational one. Of COURSE I know that my husband chose me and he loves and adores me and wouldn't look at another woman. I know that intellectually. But emotionally I kept comparing myself to a particular woman and thinking of all they did together. It's a monstrous affliction. Mine was a bit different, though. I was not jealous of the women my husband had sex with in the past. I never really asked him about them because I didn't care. Hell, I'm facebook friends with his ex wife and we get along swimmingly. There was only one woman who made me crazy, for reasons that are too complicated to repeat here.

    I feel for ya, but you just have to give it time.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #17
      Ayla, thank you. How can I keep this in my head. I so want this. Iím so emotional today and just reading what u wrote has made me upset becoz I know itís true xx

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      • #18
        It was 2/3 years before I met him he did this. Heíd Just found out his ex wife was cheating on him. He cheated on her all through their marriage too but he probably didnít expect her to do it. I know he was probably at a low point and can see that, he took drugs again in that time also. Just so sad itís come to this

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        • #19
          I know heís a changed person now x

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          • #20
            Sage, itís so refreshing to hear from someone who has experience of RJ. Like you, I have no issue with his ex wife, weíre also FB friends and get along great. Itís Just the thought of him being with anyone else really. I think itís the intensity of feelings on both our parts which makes this happen. He hates my past also xx

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            • #21
              It doesn't sound like you both gave each other enough time to get to know one another. How long did you date before getting married? I think it's sad actually when a man (or woman) has to pay for sex. It makes me wonder what else they're capable of but that's besides the point and between the both of you. That would bother me far more than the fact that he had previous partners.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post

                Again, you're coming at it from a woman's perspective. Men are aroused by the visual...it's built into their dna. The sex he had with the prostitutes was meaningless, other than for scratching an itch.
                I hate to admit this, but itís true. Weíre programmed differently, however itís important to note that ur husband got it out of his system. It couldíve became much worse and turned into an addiction.

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                • #23
                  You can catch a nasty disease. I'd seek professional counseling or dissolve your marriage. Your husband is one sick puppy.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                    It doesn't sound like you both gave each other enough time to get to know one another. How long did you date before getting married? I think it's sad actually when a man (or woman) has to pay for sex. It makes me wonder what else they're capable of but that's besides the point and between the both of you. That would bother me far more than the fact that he had previous partners.
                    It might be sad if a person HAS to pay for sex.
                    But in this case the husband didn't have to , he chose to.
                    For some it's an incredible fantasy to pay for sex. For others it's abhorrent.
                    Each to their own.

                    Op, you never answered my question?
                    Why after 7 yrs of marriage are you discussing past sexual history???
                    And why do you care? If you really cared wouldn't you have asked before marrying him?

                    He went 4 times. Big deal. He must have enjoyed it to go back. But for him it's like going to see a movie for the 4th time.
                    For you it's the end of the world it seems.
                    You have magnified it so much in your mind but no one else sees it that way. Because it's not as big a deal as you think it is.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by chanelle View Post
                      You can catch a nasty disease. I'd seek professional counseling or dissolve your marriage. Your husband is one sick puppy.
                      Dissolve her marriage ? Because he had sex before her?
                      Shes in no risk of catching a disease! This was likely 10 or more years ago!

                      He is a sick puppy because he saw a prostitute?
                      You might not be keen on the idea but others are.
                      He is not cheating on her.

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                      • #26
                        We live in such a small place, Iím constantly reminded of his past as see people regularly he was with. I do know the problem lies with me and if u read about retroactive jealousy itís me! I did ask him at start of relationship but he chose not to tell me and lied when I asked about prostitutes.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Kes99 View Post
                          We live in such a small place, Iím constantly reminded of his past as see people regularly he was with. I do know the problem lies with me and if u read about retroactive jealousy itís me! I did ask him at start of relationship but he chose not to tell me and lied when I asked about prostitutes.
                          He lied. He's not honest and truthful. He is deceitful. I never trust liars. You can continue being married to him but there will always be that seed of distrust implanted within the deep recesses of your brain forever. The question is: Can you live with distrust? Distrust will always bother you and it will be very difficult for you to look the other way. Once a person lies to you, you can never look at him or her the same way anymore.
                          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by chanelle View Post

                            He lied. He's not honest and truthful. He is deceitful. I never trust liars. You can continue being married to him but there will always be that seed of distrust implanted within the deep recesses of your brain forever. The question is: Can you live with distrust? Distrust will always bother you and it will be very difficult for you to look the other way. Once a person lies to you, you can never look at him or her the same way anymore.
                            Sorry Chanelle, I have to disagree with you.

                            He didn't tell her about the prostitutes because she clearly couldn't handle the truth. And the fact that he did that before even knowing her, makes it none of her business to begin with.
                            Last edited by Ayla; March 2nd, 2018, 05:56 AM. Reason: Spell check :)

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                            • #29
                              If you love him, then I don't think you should judge his sexual experiences. If he felt it was good for him, then you cant judge it. Especially from your perspective. Very high-end psychologists can recommend women to have sex with their client for money if they find it to be therapeutic, such as if they have sexual dysfunction or problems with intimacy. If he had a proper girlfriend, he would run the risk of getting hurt which he was probably not able to cope with at the time, or if she were great, then he wouldn't have met you because he would already be with someone.
                              If you love him, then its better not to judge him. Just trust that he made the best decision he could at the time. Then block it out of your mind completely.

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by chanelle View Post

                                He lied. He's not honest and truthful. He is deceitful. I never trust liars. You can continue being married to him but there will always be that seed of distrust implanted within the deep recesses of your brain forever. The question is: Can you live with distrust? Distrust will always bother you and it will be very difficult for you to look the other way. Once a person lies to you, you can never look at him or her the same way anymore.
                                Before he even met her!????
                                You chanelle are extremely unforgiving.
                                What makes you think the op doesn't trust her husband?
                                She is not struggling within the marriage but what happened prior. Only.

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