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Jealous of threesome

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  • Jealous of threesome

    So, I have had this fantasy of seeing my partner with another guy and joining in. I have had this fantasy for about 10 years but never dated a girl that was into it. My partner I have now has actually done this sort of thing a few years ago with an ex she had. She did it three times with this guy. We have been together for almost a year now and I want to experience this with her. She, on the other hand, enjoyed it when she did it before but doesnt really want to get into that again.
    I am jealous that she has done this and shared my fantasy with someone else but not with me. She does not blame her break up with her ex on this threesome. She has told me all about it (at my behest), and I really want to share this with her. She acts like it was something she wanted to do but already did it before so she can kind of scratch that off the fantasy list. We talk about doing it again but she is really not into doing it. I know responders to this will say that I just have to respect her decision, which is obvious, Im not going to force her but what do I do about this jealousy. I dont care about who she did it with or whatever, I am just jealous that she got to do this and I did not.

    I dont know what I am really looking for in response to this but I just wanted to know if anyone out there had some advice or experience with this or something similar. Maybe someone could understand the type of envy I am feeling. Like I said, its not the fact that she was with another guy (I fantasize about her and her exes all the time), but just more jealous of her because she did that and I want to so badly.

    Excuse the grammar and composition of this question. It is a stream of consciousnesses.

  • #2
    Instead of dating and then asking if they would be into you watching while they screw another man, why don't you date someone who you know will screw another man while you watch (I'm assuming you don't want to engage in sex with this third... correct me if I'm wrong).

    You are with someone who doesn't want to do this again. Either you change the dialogue going on in your head about it 'not being fair' that she got to do it and you didn't or you leave her and go on an adult dating site with the specific request to be in a relationship with someone who will fulfill your kink. If you continue on with this chick, you're just going to end up cheating or if not that, being perpetually resentful/longing which will ruin your emotional bond, IF you can't change the dialogue and be happy in a monogamous only union.

    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      So she did something and you didn't. Am I the only one who just wants to say: 'boo-hoo'?
      Is that how you live your life, constantly comparing yourself with others and envying them for everything you didn't get?

      'The only time you should ever look in your neighbour's bowl, is to make sure they have enough' - Louis C.K.

      If you really feel such an overwhelming need to have this experience, then I agree with Phases. Start dating only women who will fulfil your fantasy, rather than dating anyone and then expecting them to meet your needs (you gotta admit this isn't an everyday kind of fetish).

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      • #4
        Despite what a lot of people think this kind of fantasy is a lot more common than you think, because your GF has done this before Iím sure itís hard to not think that she could possibly do this again. I donít think we should judge others for what they want or feel because itís not on their own moral radar, to each his own.
        But she has to want to do this, and if you push it you may drive her away, if she never wants to do it will you be prepared and satisfied to never do this? That is the real question for yourself.

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        • #5
          Fantasies are fantasies. It's not bad or gross to have a fantasy like this. There are however, many people who won't be on board with fulfilling your fantasy. If this is a deal breaker for you that she isn't down to do it, you should walk.

          It's okay for her to not want to do with you want she did do with someone else, but I would also take that as a sign that she probably isn't the right girl for you. Her perceived attraction level for this other person appears to be higher than the one she has for you, as she was attracted enough to the other person to be willing to do it, where as for you, its a no-go. Do you want to be with someone who is less attracted you and less willing to fulfill your fantasies than she was with a past relationship? End game scenario, finding long term partner, you should be number one in that regards.

          It sounds like you aren't compatible. I would next her and find someone more in line with my desires.

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