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Why canít he finish?

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  • Why canít he finish?

    Hi all! New to the forum, hope you guys can help in any way...

    I recently started going out with a guy, on here Iíll call him Ian.
    A bit of background on me and this situation - I'm gay, never had a relationship I would consider Ďseriousí, but with Ian everything feels so nice and right. Which is also great, and I love every minute with him.

    The one thing that bothers us both is that Ian doesnít seem to be able to finish. We have good sex and both enjoy what we do together, however it gets to the point Iím about done but he canít seem to finish with me. Heís said itís an issue heís always had with guys in the past, and he tells me with me itís very different; heís said heís been very close, and how much he wants to finish with me. I believe that he wants this to happen - he gets very frustrated and upset with himself because he canít seem to do it, and I get upset seeing him be almost angry at himself. I try to tell him itís ok, and it really is, I would love for him to finish with me, but whatís more important to me is the time we spend together.

    None of this is because he cant finish, he says he can do it himself when heís masturbating, the only way heís described it so far is that thereís some Ďmental blockí, despite wanting to and even feeling like heís come close to it.

    Is this something that may come in time? Heís said he takes a bit longer than others to form what he feels to be a proper emotional attchhment. Weíve been seeing each other for a couple of months, and been Ďboyfriend officialí for just under one month, so part of me is thinking that heíll eventually feel Ďcomfortableí enough with me to finish. Or is it soemthing that I may have to try and get him to speak to a professional about? I also donít know if Iím worrying too much about it, I guess Iím quite sexual myself so I do try to get him to finish. Itís just, as he says, he canít despite wanting to and feeling close to it.

    Any suggestions? Is there anything I could say to him to help him understand a bit more that it isnít something that bothers me, that of course I want to help him work with or talk about?
    Dunno if Iím repeating myself too much or being clear but...I think Iíve described all I need to! Any advice or help greatly appreciated

  • #2
    Sex rarely matches the speed and intensity that can be achieved through masturbation. If he regularly jacks it at an intense pace he may simply have desensitised/trained himself so that he can only come through intense stimulation.

    Have you tried jerking him off after sex to see if you can make him come that way? Or has he jerked off and come in front of you? Once he's jizzed in front of you a few times it will help clear the mental block.

    Another option is to see if he will reduce/stop masturbating so that when you have sex he's more inclined to jizz.
    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.