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Girlfriend can't cum...former big penis's to blame?

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  • Girlfriend can't cum...former big penis's to blame?

    im 33 and my gf is 25.. I've been around the block a few times (very sexually active) and have found myself always eventually striking gold in making my exs orgasm, now keep in mind I'm not selfish and I'm more concerned with pleasing them than myself and spend months trying to make things work and get the response I'm looking for ..

    that being said, for the first time I've run into a road block..my gf is very petit and yet has always felt kinda loose to be honest..I'm 6 inches on a good day and have pretty decent girth as well, in the past with exs ive always touched the back and was stopped in certain situations for going too deep..

    that has never occurred with this current gf, we've been together now for 10 months now and she can't get off... and recently I found out she was dating almost strictly African American guys before me...is it possible that large penises over the course of years changed her vaginal structure ? It's at the point where I can't enjoy myself knowing I'm getting nowhere if that makes sense, I love the girl but a mutually beneficial sex life is important to me..I don't think I can stay with someone who's needs I can't fulfill and not worry
    Last edited by Steamyrayvaughn; November 13th, 2017, 09:17 PM.

  • #2
    As a woman, and I know we're not all exactly alike, but penis alone usually just doesn't get the job done, so it's doubtful it's penis size the only factor. You can be doing everything right, but some women, maybe most women, need to be really emotionally locked onto someone to get super excited sexually. The other thing to remember is don't even say things during like "are you going to?" because it really pulls you right back out if you were even close. I think the most important thing is for you to be very immersed and gung-ho, so to speak, and get your strokes in, but don't be so focused on her that she feels awkward. It's certainly okay while doing foreplay to ask, Show me how you like it with my hand" or something like that, but a woman has to relax and "check out" to orgasm and can't do that when under extreme scrutiny!!

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    • #3
      I legit haven't even mentioned this to her..it's never even come up in conversation to be honest, it's a personal observation and I'm reaching out here for answers. I've tried everything also, hand stimulation, anal, bought a vibrator...I was very subtle about incorporating things to NOT make her uncomfortable...but I wonder if it's from me possibly being not big enough to do the task, of if that's even a possibility ..

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      • #4

        Don't really think so. I've only ever in my many years known one woman focused solely on size. I mean, foreplay is what gets most women off. Be sure you do it until she cries uncle or comes, whichever happens first, but do go ahead and while you're doing it, say "Show me how you like it with my hand," then remember that IF she does it and doesn't just get embarrassed. hah

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        • #5
          I am fresh out of a divorce. My ex husband was 10" long and decent girth. My current guy is 6" and decent girth. I can tell you-- I've personally gotten off more with the smaller one in the past month, than I had with my ex in the previous year and a half. A couple of things to think of:

          Do you spend enough time on foreplay for her?
          Does she cum at least twice before your stick it in?
          Do you finish too quickly for her to be able to get off on penetration?
          Do you try different positions?
          Does she do pelvic exercises? (this GREATLY increases a woman's ability to orgasm)

          You need to have an open line of communication to be able to get to the bottom of the issues. Without talking it out with her, there is no finding out what is lacking-- if anything at all.

          Also, food for thought-- sometimes the toys my ex would buy made me feel uncomfortable. I'd try it any way because it felt alright and HE really enjoyed it, but I don't think what he picked was for ME per se. Plus, depending on what it was that we were trying-- I was so focused on the weird new sensation that I wouldn't even get there. While he would be so focused on the sensation he'd get there quickly and then wanna use the toy every time. Left no real space for ME to enjoy it even though we would both have a blast. You get me?

          Just my 2 cents.
          It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along.

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          • #6
            I think that different people experience orgasms differently based upon how in tune with themselves they are, physically, mentally and emotionally.
            I experience different types of orgasms - some are little ones- like explosions that build up up up to a big one
            and I can have big ones that make my whole body feel like it's melting from the pelvis out.

            It's just a moment though, my orgasms rarely last longer than a few seconds, and then they are just gone.
            For this reason, and my own issues with reaching orgasm, I want to have sex that is NOT focused upon me reaching orgasm.
            I believe in enjoying the whole experience, being present, as opposed to focusing on the 'finish.'

            I am older and was married for decades before losing my beloved husband in 2014. The first 5 years of our marriage. Sex was not enjoyable because I felt pressured to perform
            and if I could not have an orgasm, he was disappointed. I felt like there was something WRONG with ME! I had a boyfriend before I was married
            and he also was too focused on the 'finish'. For me, an orgasm just doesn't compare with committing to enjoying the whole experience.
            I can have an orgasm anytime I want by myself. Easily. I do not need a man for that. I love foreplay and kissing and really
            orgasms are just not something I want to be EXPECTED to "have". Takes the pleasure out of sex for me if there is the expectation that I have an orgasm.

            Finally I was ablt to convince my husband that pressuring me to have an orgasm
            was NOT GOOD for our sex life. Please do not pressure this woman to perform sexually for you. She will resent you for that.

            Toots is right- you need to be able to talk about sex if you are having it.

            I like this:

            "An orgasm at the end of sex is like dessert after a fantastic meal: a great way to end it, but not necessary for the meal to be enjoyable-!!!"

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            • #7
              Was she always able to cum with the other guys during sex? or just not with you? As some above have mentioned this might just be the way she is. She may require tons of manual stimulation. I know my gf plays with herself like a DJ on speed while i'm slamming her, and she always cums hard. Can't say it would be the same if she didn't do that.

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              • #8
                All of the different stories in this thread confirms that our OP needs to talk to his GF about these issues.

                You can't get there via guesswork, you need to communicate with each other.
                Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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                • #9
                  Grand Poo is right- you have got to be able to talk about sex !
                  I think men who are obsessed with whether their partner comes are more interested in assuaging their own doubts about their masculinity rather than really caring that their partner came. In other words: "if she doesn't come I suck in bed/am not a man/have a small dick/am not sexy". Blame it on porn. Enjoy sex for all that it is and get past the idea of "making" your gf come.

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