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Am I over reacting...

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  • Am I over reacting...

    So here goes and bear with me itís long-winded.

    Around 5/6 years ago my husband and I of (17years) decided to attempt to spice up outmr marriage, as we both believed everything including the sex had become routine and a bit of a chore. We were always open with each other when we got into a bit of a rut. So my husband wanted to take some pictures of us, sexy one and for fun anonymously post them online for others to view. Obviously no head shots. I agreed and we did so generating lots of attention on this joint account site, it ran its course and we both eventually got bored.

    A little about me...

    i am am in my mid thirties, a life long yo-yo dieter who loses loads of weight for the summer then gains it in the winter. Sure in a past life I was a bear! I work incredibly hard to be a good wife and Mum. I also work full-time. I am open minded.

    so off late our relationship has become dull, sex again is a chore. However, over the last 4/5 months Iíve noticed that when we have become intimate getting my husband hard (excuse the crudeness) has become increasingly difficult but manageable and even then itís not to what it use to be. Also sex has been lasting around a few minutes before he ejaculates and Iím left unsatisfied. He generally apologizes and just goes to sleep. This is now a weekly occurrence. I spent evenings researching this as my husband is only 42. I also think itís the fact heís less attracted to me due to weigh gain.

    This brings me to last night. My husband said to me that he reactivated the Ďold accountí and some of the pictures had a real fan, did I want to see them. So I say yes. When I looked at the picture I noticed that the username we use to use was not the one that he was logged in under. I laughed and sat back down. I then googled the username on the website and I found that in 2014 my husband had created a secret account with over 1300 followers, posting old pictures of me on there. Had been commenting on other females pictures with comments such as - perfect figure,body to die for. Other like - now thatís made me horny! He was posting regularly and the general status update of being horny. I could also she be created a kik account on which he had given out the details and I know heís been using reguarly and mastrubating too. I felt sick to my stomach and my heart was reaching, I felt heartbroken and actually still do.

    I confronted Him calmly and told him Iím hurt by the fact heís kept this a secret knowing how open I am. Iím hurt that he could compliment strangers but now his wife. I now know after this that I clearly donít give him what he needs, I feel really hurt. Heís attempting several times to talk and touch me but I canít look him in the eye. Every time I think about it all my weight insecurities come flooding back I get angry with myself. Iíve refused to eat today. He says he hasnít physically cheated and doesnít feel heís done anything wrong? Everything I think about it I fill up with tears. Heís removed the account not at my request as he feels itíll make me happy. I donít know a way forward.

    i know someone is bound to say, well it was asking for trouble doing it the first time.

  • #2
    Originally posted by UnhappyBunny View Post
    i know someone is bound to say, well it was asking for trouble doing it the first time.
    Don't let anyone tell you this. Your and your husband agreed to do this together, there's no excuse for him doing it afterwards without consulting this with you.

    Now to the topic at hand, I don't think you're over reacting at all, Im not saying that what he did is right but definitely not unforgivable, but what you are feeling is understandable and expected. The question here is what YOU want to do. Do you feel you need to end the relationship or do you want to overcome this?

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    • #3
      How do you know he's been masturbating too and really, why would him masturbating upset you so? Do you not masturbate?

      I could also see he created a kik account on which he had given out the details and I know heís been using reguarly and mastrubating too.
      What does all that you discovered make you feel? Are you jealous? Are you afraid for some reason? Do you feel any better knowing that once he knew it upset you he deleted it all? What would you expect him to do to make this better?
      Last edited by phasesofthemoon; November 5th, 2017, 09:15 PM.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Firstly he told me he had been sharing erotic stories on kik with others and pictures while mastrubating. The mastrubating doesn’t bother me in the slightest, what does is sending and recieving images without my knowing. He admitted if I had done what he had does he would be hurt and furious.

        As for how it made me feel, jealous of course that he would seek pleasure in the internet than his wife. Hurt because she’s been lying to me and all my personal insecurities rose to the surface. I don’t know a way forward for now it’s polite conversation between us both, he’s jokingly going to touch me to let me know he’s sorry but I can’t deny it hurts. It all comes down to not telling me.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by tarasoff View Post

          Don't let anyone tell you this. Your and your husband agreed to do this together, there's no excuse for him doing it afterwards without consulting this with you.

          Now to the topic at hand, I don't think you're over reacting at all, Im not saying that what he did is right but definitely not unforgivable, but what you are feeling is understandable and expected. The question here is what YOU want to do. Do you feel you need to end the relationship or do you want to overcome this?
          Thank you ! I do feel with me not knowing that this isn’t right. That gut feeling and my heart racing when I realized has made me feel sick for the last 36hours. We have two kids together, so yes I want to make it work. He’s is a very controlling person and jealous and this is down to his own mistakes in the past in our relationship. He cheated before we got married twice, one I found out about after we weeee married. I caught him on FB 8 years ago messaging his first every girlfriend of messages that he’ll always love her and believes one day they’ll be back together. It’s at a point now where I feel clearly I am not enough? Or perhaps it’s me that’s pushing him to do all this?

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