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Little Sex and Girlfriend masturbates while she thinks I'm sleeping

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  • Little Sex and Girlfriend masturbates while she thinks I'm sleeping

    So I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now, we are planning on getting married and have already started planning the wedding. Anyways as the title says our sex life is lacking, with an average of about twice a month, maybe 3 but that's the max. Now she does have a condition that makes her time of the month last a bit longer than normal so it's easy to understand, but the problem for me is that for the first few months of our relationship that never stopped us from finding other ways to have fun. She was always very excited to have fun other ways and acted very in to it.

    After about 4-5 months this started to die down, and she wasn't as interested in having a bit of sexual fun through other methods. A little less than a year in I started to have a suspicion that she was masturbating at night while she thought I was asleep. This has been a suspicion for a while but last week I became 100% sure of it and I don't know what to do.

    It's gotten me in a spiral, I keep wondering if she still feels sexually attracted to me, and wonder why she still wants to marry me. When we began she had a strong sexual presence, and now it seems like the things she liked before she might be disgusted with now. The night I became sure she was masturbating next to me I just sat there, I've never felt so unwanted. I know I need to talk to her about it but I don't know how to bring it up, which is why I'm here. If anyone has any advice they can give me it would be much appreciated, thanks again.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Jackson James View Post
    I know I need to talk to her about it but I don't know how to bring it up, which is why I'm here.
    You're absolutely right that you need to talk to her about it.

    Pick a time in the evening when you can both sit down and talk about it properly. Perhaps the best angle to come at this from would be to talk about your feelings of being unwanted, rather than going straight down the ''why won't you have sex with me?'' route.

    I'd try and leave out the masturbation thing if possible. You may embarrass her and end up shutting down the conversation. Of course, depending on what your GF is like and whether you think it will be awkward for her to talk about that or not.
    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Jackson James View Post
      So I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now, we are planning on getting married and have already started planning the wedding. Anyways as the title says our sex life is lacking, with an average of about twice a month, maybe 3 but that's the max. Now she does have a condition that makes her time of the month last a bit longer than normal so it's easy to understand, but the problem for me is that for the first few months of our relationship that never stopped us from finding other ways to have fun. She was always very excited to have fun other ways and acted very in to it.

      After about 4-5 months this started to die down, and she wasn't as interested in having a bit of sexual fun through other methods. A little less than a year in I started to have a suspicion that she was masturbating at night while she thought I was asleep. This has been a suspicion for a while but last week I became 100% sure of it and I don't know what to do.

      It's gotten me in a spiral, I keep wondering if she still feels sexually attracted to me, and wonder why she still wants to marry me. When we began she had a strong sexual presence, and now it seems like the things she liked before she might be disgusted with now. The night I became sure she was masturbating next to me I just sat there, I've never felt so unwanted. I know I need to talk to her about it but I don't know how to bring it up, which is why I'm here. If anyone has any advice they can give me it would be much appreciated, thanks again.
      How open are you both with talking about sex and what turns each other on?
      Do you exchange fantasies, role play etc?

      It might be that she can't orgasm through sex alone and when people get used to orgasm by self pleasure that becomes the only way they can. It's not a reflection on their partner but rather an issue with them not being able to communicate that to their partner. And in early days if not communicated it becomes increasingly difficult to. Because it's basically admitting to their parthnef that they have been faking it the whole time.

      Its important to discuss and even more important to discuss when bedroom activities are not possible , such as over dinner at a nice restaurant.

      With a new partner and especially for women sex is about intimacy and not necessarily about sexual pleasure.
      But there comes a time when they want both.

      If you cant discuss this with a partner you can't expect improvement.

      So, yes, you need to ask her and time it well.

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      • #4
        In the first of our relationship we were very open about everything, she loved talking about what turns each other on and our fantasies, she was a very sexual person. Now we don't ever really talk about it. I also try to be very passionate but recently it seems she just wants it to be over with. I think this because when we do have sex it's one position with no foreplay and she's the one who leads into or pushes it that way.

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        • #5
          You need to drop her and move on...the next thing she will say is.."I need more alone time with my friends..."

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          • #6
            It would be absurd to just drop her, I think it’s normal for the sex drive to slow down after awhile, there is obviously something that turns her on or she wouldn’t be masturbating, you need to talk to her and find out what’s going on. My wife for example likes other women a great deal and that doesn’t bother me, but whatever it is it may not be for you or something you can live with.
            she obviously has a sense of comfort with you and wants to be with you and marry you, dig in and find out the truth before you tie the knot, you didn’t state your ages but I am curious about that. Take care and hang in there!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Jackson James View Post
              So I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now, we are planning on getting married and have already started planning the wedding. Anyways as the title says our sex life is lacking, with an average of about twice a month, maybe 3 but that's the max. Now she does have a condition that makes her time of the month last a bit longer than normal so it's easy to understand, but the problem for me is that for the first few months of our relationship that never stopped us from finding other ways to have fun. She was always very excited to have fun other ways and acted very in to it.

              After about 4-5 months this started to die down, and she wasn't as interested in having a bit of sexual fun through other methods. A little less than a year in I started to have a suspicion that she was masturbating at night while she thought I was asleep. This has been a suspicion for a while but last week I became 100% sure of it and I don't know what to do.

              It's gotten me in a spiral, I keep wondering if she still feels sexually attracted to me, and wonder why she still wants to marry me. When we began she had a strong sexual presence, and now it seems like the things she liked before she might be disgusted with now. The night I became sure she was masturbating next to me I just sat there, I've never felt so unwanted. I know I need to talk to her about it but I don't know how to bring it up, which is why I'm here. If anyone has any advice they can give me it would be much appreciated, thanks again.
              Why wouldn't you join in? Ask if you can help her out in anyway?

              If you're sleeping together and you're having all kinds of sex with one another then surely you should feel really comfortable just rolling over and asking if you can help her out? I'm not sure why you're taking this so hard and making it an "all-about-me" (you) kind of moment when it more then likely has nothing to do with anything that goes on between the two of you as a couple inside or outside the bedroom or anything to do with you as a man and her romantic partner.

              I'll tell you the same thing I tell most women that come on here and complain that their male partner is masturbating to porn and they take it personally as well. It's not about you. It's about wanting a quick release and then off to sleep without all the fuss.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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