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i am ashamed i need help to gain back self esteem and respect

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  • i am ashamed i need help to gain back self esteem and respect

    Hello everybody,

    I want solutions from men or women who past through the same hardship.
    I need your help please.
    How to recover from falling hard in self esteem and gain respect for myself and from others ?

    I am 26 years old girl and I had a perfect reputation (i wasn’t aware of that before it was gone) : never had boyfriends, never dated never went to a party, never did anything bad actually not even smoking or even saying curse words. I work with disabled children and i am shy.

    I felt extremely lonely and sad to not have anybody with me while all the girls around already had babies etc… I thought it was because i wasn’t attractive (which is not the case but i didn't realize it), people thought i was strange because i was never with a boyfriend so i started to become self concious about that, they treated me like a freak.

    So i made the biggest mistake of my life : my sister forced me to date one of her friend who just broke up with his girlfriend of 8 years which was not very nice from her she lied to me telling me he loved me etc… and me out of desperation i believed her. i never went to a date and was lost.

    And i basically sold myself to him before even he showed a sign of wanting to be with me i was so desperate i tried all the bad ways to impress HIM (i feel so bad) i didn’t know how to be with him as i didn't have any experience with men and it never happened to me. I tried to read on internet what to do and that was a BIG mistake !! i dressed slutty, i even sent nudes pics i talked about sex i even invented past relationships i never had because i was afraid he will mock my inexperience. And believe me or not i even forced him to take my virginity in his car (i want to kill myself) because i thought he will see i am a good girl since he then knew i was virgin(!) but interested in sex so promising him a good time if he marries me (i’m crying while writing), i was afraid he would think i am frigid. He took it and dumped me the next day.

    I feel so bad i didn't want him to think i was inexperience i was afraid he would laugh at me, so i wanted to act as if i was experimented to not feel ashamed of my virginity.

    Now he said about it to everybody in the city even my family, everybody laugh at me i walk with shame and want to kill myself everyday

    I wasn’t aware of my very good reputation before i thought everybody mocked my inexperience, but then they said why did you do that ? you could have married anybody ! now they just think i am a whore it makes me suicidal.
    I even quit my job because of shame.

    How to recover from that and make them see that i am not like that and will i find a husband even if he knows that ? NOBODY respect me even my own family and talk very bad in a harsh tone to me.
    I am bullied badly I don't know how to face my bullies and how to face him.

    I don't understand why a lot of girls did far worse with far more people but people think it's worse for me than for them

    i was 18 years old when it happened and still can't forgive myself and cry everyday since 8 years now.

    i deeply regret and feel i don't deserve to have any man in the future, i feel worthless. I am scared if i find a husband he will think i am trash and not marry me.

    Help me please.

  • #2
    What country are you in?

    Do you work?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

    Comment


    • #3
      i am from france, i used to work with disabled children but i quit because i was ashamed of people at work know that and bully me

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      • #4
        Almost everyone has a perfect reputation up until the age 18. Because they were a child until then.

        Your sister introduced you to a guy and did not force you to be with him. He had an 8 year relationship prior so he was dating when you were ten years old. I assume he's a lot older than you.

        Your sister then "lied" to you telling you he loved you. You were 18, an adult that surely knows the difference between hearsay and actions?

        Did your sister "force" you to send nude pics too? Did she "force" you to have sex?

        The "internet" did not advise you to dress like a slut.
        In fact I'd love you to send me the links that apparently did.

        I find it it bizarre that at 18, all your friends had babies?!
        If that's the case then they had sex before being able to be legally married!

        At 26 why are you worrying about finding a husband?

        France is a very liberated country. Are you French born and what culture?

        8 years on , nobody cares what you did. Why do you believe they do?

        Perhaps when you start taking responsibility for your own actions and stop blaming others , you might get past this!

        How is your relationship with your "wicked" sister now?





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        • #5
          Thank you for your answer Maggiemay4791,

          yes he was older, i had low self esteem and did not know how to behave with men so he criticized my inexperience so i searched on internet how to be attractive to men and the site said they liked that behaviour i am describing in my post.

          my relationship with my sister is good now because she said she feels guilty because she didn't liked me at that time and she knew it would hurt me, so she said sorry after because she didn't know it would hurt me that much and that he would tell it to all the city making me a bad reputation.
          she did not force me to do that but told me it's the way i should behave and i trusted her because i thought she gives good advice because she is my older sister.

          my friends are older than me and yes at 20 years old most girls are married with children where i live.

          i don't want to blame others i want advice to know how to recover from a bad reputation and how can i feel not worthless after that.
          I don't know how to face bullies, i feel so much shame for myself it kills me.
          i used to work with disabled children, i go to church i do a lot of good to people but in my back people say i play the good girl but i am a whore that's why i can't move on after 8 years.
          i don't know how to face bullying.
          it seems all the good i make worth nothing since people seem to only remember that.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ashamedineedhelp View Post
            Thank you for your answer Maggiemay4791,

            yes he was older, i had low self esteem and did not know how to behave with men so he criticized my inexperience so i searched on internet how to be attractive to men and the site said they liked that behaviour i am describing in my post.

            my relationship with my sister is good now because she said she feels guilty because she didn't liked me at that time and she knew it would hurt me, so she said sorry after because she didn't know it would hurt me that much and that he would tell it to all the city making me a bad reputation.
            she did not force me to do that but told me it's the way i should behave and i trusted her because i thought she gives good advice because she is my older sister.

            my friends are older than me and yes at 20 years old most girls are married with children where i live.

            i don't want to blame others i want advice to know how to recover from a bad reputation and how can i feel not worthless after that.
            I don't know how to face bullies, i feel so much shame for myself it kills me.
            i used to work with disabled children, i go to church i do a lot of good to people but in my back people say i play the good girl but i am a whore that's why i can't move on after 8 years.
            i don't know how to face bullying.
            it seems all the good i make worth nothing since people seem to only remember that.
            This is your own guilty conscience. You need to remind yourself that you are a good person and that even good people can behave out of character.
            Who is bullying you? Have words been spoken directly to you or are you simply imagining their thoughts?

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