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Need help - inexperienced!

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  • Need help - inexperienced!

    My wife and I are recently divorced, and so I am starting to think about dating for the first time in over 10 years. As if that weren't nerve-wracking enough, my wife is the only sexual partner I have ever had. I have always had a lot of anxiety about my own performance, and am worried that I will be compared to previous partners by anyone I may be intimate with. Is it normal for people to compare sexual partners, and is that a major factor in sexual relationships?

  • #2
    I think you should stop thinking about sexual performance and focus on finding someone who is agreeable to be with, someone with whom you have a lot in common, someone who makes you happy. If there is genuine attraction and feelings with two people, the sex will be great. Stop thinking it's some kind of competition.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Sarah is spot on!

      You did the right thing by waiting to date until you were divorced, good on you!

      So, now you want to enter the dating scene.
      How is your social life? How do you intend on getting out there? Online, through clubs, social events?

      You are being too forward thinking wrt to sex or intimacy.

      Why do you care what a random woman you have not yet met thinks of your sexual performance? She doesn't even know you exist yet??

      As for do people compare ? Yes they do but only when with people they don't really care about , so what they think is irrelevant.
      When two people truly connect outside of the bedroom , they generally do inside it. And there is that open honesty about it.

      Im guessing you didn't discuss these things with your ex , which wouldn't surprise me since you split eventually.

      How was your sex life with your ex? What raised your concerns about your own performance? Something she said? Comparing yourself to porn? What?

      Did your ex have previous partners?

      Do you think she is now comparing others to you? Does that worry you?