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Need Help Overcoming New Selfishness in Bed

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  • Need Help Overcoming New Selfishness in Bed

    My wife & I have been together for 4 years. There's an age gap of about 12 years with me being the older at 34. We have a toddler & I'm the stay at home parent. As such I'm often quite exhausted when she wants to have sex. Lately she's become very... selfish in bed. She demands that I touch her & yet doesn't really reciprocate. I can't help but feel that I'm not meeting her needs sexually because I'm so tired lately & this is the root cause but I don't really know what to do about either situation.

  • #2
    How is she not meeting your needs in bed? What do you want?

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    • #3
      Sounds like she is leading in the bedroom. If you take the lead and ask her to do things she probably will. It doesn't sound like she is saying no. You just aren't requesting things like she is.

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      • #4
        Mostly it's that it seems like I'm there to please her. She wants me to be all over her while she just lays there. Once actual intercourse begins it's not a real issue. As a man in his 30's who spends all day dealing with the terrible twos & potty training & such I am worn out by the time she gets home at 11 at night so it often takes some foreplay to get me in the mood & when I'm doing all the "work", as it were, it's difficult to get very aroused.

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        • #5
          Have you asked her to do anything? Has she turned any requests down?

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          • #6
            She said I should be aroused getting her off. She doesn't seem to understand the concept of oral (on me anyway) as anything but a replacement for vaginal intercourse even when I explain I'm not asking her to suck me off. Or she just doesn't want to but won't say so. I get that it's not "fun" for the one administering it but then it's not exactly fun to perform it on her either.

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            • #7
              Do you ever get a break from the kid to get some time on your own?

              Generally the point of a relationship is that you go there to give. You should enjoy giving and she should also.

              So that is a yes you ask her directly and she turns you down? Or no you don't really ask her directly so she turns down what you are thinking?

              Maybe trying to ask in a different way? Make it more fun. It's all about having fun and enjoying each other.

              What would she do if you resisted and had her pleasure you first or do something different before that?

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              • #8
                Why don't you guys have a date night all to yourselves...

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                • #9
                  I'm a stay at home mom to two kids and it's very busy so I get why your tired. But I think for women oral sex is very important coz
                  most (like 80%) can't get off any other way with a partner whilst men find it easier to orgasm through intercourse alone. I think sex is about making sure you both enjoy it one way or the other and for many women touching or oral gets a lot more results than intercourse. I don't think she's bring selfish by asking you to do what works for her as long as she's also willing to do what works for you.. I think having young kids takes a toll on any relationship though and you just have to work together as a team to push through the difficult times and then good times will come too. I'm a stay at home mum and sometimes the days are so long and even depressing. K think it's important to get out and do things.. even just browsing the shops or visiting relatives or going activities like swimming helps keep us sane

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