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  • Girlfriend wants to post nude photos to online private groups

    So Im looking for some peoples open minded thoughts. Im well aware of alot of people wouldnt be ok with this. I myself havent had an easy time dealing with this issue.

    So we have been together for 7 months. She made some friends and became part of this group online. Which I thought was fine. But once I found out that once a week they are throwing nudes up I told her Im not ok with it. She tell me she likes the compliments. That she is completely faithful to me, which I believe. Everything she tells me and has been completely honest with me. She has rrespected my feeling and not posted any.

    Well recently I came to find out that she has taken alot of nudes of herself. Topless mostly. And has sent them to me. Which I will add she looked beautiful and sexy. Really. We had our own little photo session together taking pics of us being sexually together. That was alot of fun for both of us.

    Im really having a hard time being ok with it but I have definately put my boundaries on this issue and she knows Im serious. So she has respected it. But I know she wants me to know she is with me.

    I know this isnt for everyone. I just dont what to think and would like to get any opinions on this matter.

  • #2
    My first though is that your poor girlfriend has been so damaged by life and self-absorbed that she thinks her value and beauty are tied up in her body that she needs to expose it to strangers to get the affirmation she craves.

    You're close to 40 years old. How old is she?

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Pollon View Post
      My first though is that your poor girlfriend has been so damaged by life and self-absorbed that she thinks her value and beauty are tied up in her body that she needs to expose it to strangers to get the affirmation she craves.

      You're close to 40 years old. How old is she?
      Yeah Im alomst 40 and she is 35

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      • #4
        Why does her exhibitionism bother you? I'm not saying is should or shouldn't, it's just good to really understand yourself here.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Pollon View Post
          Why does her exhibitionism bother you? I'm not saying is should or shouldn't, it's just good to really understand yourself here.
          Honestly conservative views. I dont feel its right. I feel its a sacred thing. Like I dont have any problem with how anyone else wants to live their lives as long as it harms no one else. But this is different. Not to mention I have taken a real esteem blow in most of my 30s so trust and such is hard for me now. Its something Im working on.

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          • #6
            "Conservative values" is a label that tells you nothing. What those values are rooted in is what you need to understand in order to explain it to your girlfriend in a way she can respect--rather than dismiss as "old-fashioned."

            Let me reword what I think you are trying to say.

            ".. An intimate exclusive relationship between two people is a sacred thing that needs protection and boundaries to be safe and secure and uplifting. Some of my past girlfriends have allowed others to come between us and violated those boundaries resulting in damage to my well-being and self-esteem.

            Exposing our bodies is a form of vulnerability and intimacy that I believe should be reserved exclusively for our partner. It is a relationship boundary that I believe needs to be respected as violating it is one big step toward the next violation..."


            You could continue with...

            "...I am not accusing your of infidelity. It just concerns me that the ease with which you stepped over that boundary might suggest we don't share the same level of respect intimacy and our relationship. I hope that is not the case..."

            How does that fit?

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Pollon View Post
              "Conservative values" is a label that tells you nothing. What those values are rooted in is what you need to understand in order to explain it to your girlfriend in a way she can respect--rather than dismiss as "old-fashioned."

              Let me reword what I think you are trying to say.

              ".. An intimate exclusive relationship between two people is a sacred thing that needs protection and boundaries to be safe and secure and uplifting. Some of my past girlfriends have allowed others to come between us and violated those boundaries resulting in damage to my well-being and self-esteem.

              Exposing our bodies is a form of vulnerability and intimacy that I believe should be reserved exclusively for our partner. It is a relationship boundary that I believe needs to be respected as violating it is one big step toward the next violation..."


              You could continue with...

              "...I am not accusing your of infidelity. It just concerns me that the ease with which you stepped over that boundary might suggest we don't share the same level of respect intimacy and our relationship. I hope that is not the case..."

              How does that fit?
              Ive said this were i feel its inappropriate. And that this is something sacred to me. She knows about the women and how they have cheated on me and disrespected my feelings. Trust me I get what your saying.

              I just feel it isnt right or maybe Im just afraid of it being more than just exhibitionism.

              But at the same time, when I look at photos i feel she has sent me, if someone saw them, I would be proud to call her my own. She really is really attractive. And it kind of slightly excites me. So It been conflicting recently and I dont know how to take any of it.

              I really appreciate she respects my feelings though

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              • #8
                Yes old fashioned would be the proper way to say it

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by lovelost View Post
                  I have definitely put my boundaries on this issue and she knows I'm serious. So she has respected it.

                  She has respected my feeling and not posted any.
                  Happy days.
                  Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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