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My boyfriend would rather jack off than have sex with me

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  • My boyfriend would rather jack off than have sex with me

    I'm so sick of this. I've known my boyfriend for 12 years all through high school and we remained great friends after high school. We were so sexual before. He used to send me dirty texts and emails. I mean invasively. And we actually used to talk through Skype webcam and have video chat sex. Then we got together and he barely wants to have sex with me anymore. I've found porm etc on his phone which never bothered me before he stopped wanting to have sex with me. Now he goes to work and Jacks off while he's there. Or races me home so he can watch porn and Jack off at home. Holy crap!? Am I insane for feeling completely disregarded and not cared about. I feel like he portrayed himself in one way to me (this sexual loving guy) and now that we're together he still has the same sex drive except only with himself. He has no interest in me sexually. Should I get out of this now? Is this just something I am going to have to deal with with all guys in general? I've had other relationships where I lived with my boyfriend and the issue of maturbation was never an issue because we always had enough sex that it didn't matter to me if he jacked off because I was taken care of. And I knew I took care of him as well. And trust me I am no square or a stranger to pleasing my own self. I have plenty of toys that I use very well and that he knows about and uses with me but I don't want to have a relationship where maturbation is kept in secret and we both have to go behind each other's back in our own corners to get off. What the hell is the point of that?
    Last edited by Stellabby; October 20th, 2016, 02:17 AM.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Stellabby View Post
    Am I insane for feeling completely disregarded and not cared about.
    Of course not.



    Originally posted by Stellabby View Post
    Is this just something I am going to have to deal with with all guys in general?
    No, because as you say, most 'normal' relationships tend to go something like your previous ones:

    Originally posted by Stellabby View Post
    I've had other relationships where I lived with my boyfriend and the issue of maturbation was never an issue because we always had enough sex that it didn't matter to me if he jacked off because I was taken care of.

    It sounds as though your BF has slipped into porn or masturbation addiction. It could be that porn is now the only thing that gets him off. Or it could be that something has turned him off sex so he prefers to have a wank.

    Were there any incidents you can think of that might of knocked his confidence? For example, he wasn't able to get it up for you at one point?
    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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    • #3
      Here is a man's perspective. There are two scenarios here.

      1. If he is looking at porn, but still fully open to wanting and having sex with you when you clearly want it......then i am quite certain the problem is simply that he has a sex drive that just isn't getting fullfilled often enough. When he wants it, and you are not there, he is going to resort to porn. Most men actually do not want to cheat. So, when their desire for sex is not met, they resort to porn and do it themselves. Some men have really active sex drives and need to either have sex or jerk off daily (some multiple times). Trust me, men can get very very frustrated with themselves. We start thinking about sex, and the urge will interrupt our entire work day because we can't get it off our mind until we either have sex or pop one off so that we can go back to focusing on our work or tasks. Most men in this case really do not mean to offend their wives or girlfriends.

      2. Now, If he is looking at porn and also rejects your attempts to have sex with him......then i am quite certain that the problem is that he is either addicted to porn or he has lost his sexual interests in you somehow. This is the scenario where you are going to have to engage him. There is no way around it unless you talk to him and find out if it is YOU or if it is an addiction. In my honest opinion, yes, men can get addicted to porn. However, if we really love our girlfriend/wife and we see that they are serious about this being the last straw.........if he cares about you he can have the Will-power to do something about the addiction. Or if there is something bothering him about YOU. He will come out and have the conversation. You kind of have to give him a wake up call in order to rectify this scenario.

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      • #4
        so sick of this. I've known my boyfriend for 12 years all through high school and we remained great friends after high school. We were so sexual before. He used to send me dirty texts and emails. I mean invasively. And we actually used to talk through Skype webcam and have video chat sex.
        This is no different then him watching porn and jacking off. Your relationship started out as a means for him to masturbate so now he's not interested or probably even capable of having a decent orgasm when he's having intercourse with you.

        You two have a lot of work to do if you want this relationship to be a happy one when it comes to mutual sexual want.

        Maybe you can convince him to take a gander at the site below. He's truly addicted to his way to cum.

        http://yourbrainonporn.com/reboot_your_brain
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          Thank you all for your help and input. I didn't think when I went on a relationship forum I would actually get so much insight. And I'm very appreciative of this. I have obviously put most of the blame on myself because why wouldn't I? I am all about his pleasure. I mean hand jobs blow jobs foreplay all day. And my sex drive is roaring right now. I'm 26 he's 28, we're in a perfect time in our lives that I feel should be full of sex and fun. I've had many fights with him about our sex life or lack thereof. He knows how I feel, I've said all of this to him that I've wrote in this post. Still, he will start to have sex with me and stop sometimes. He will get me all worked up like we're going to have sex and then stop and say okay time for bed. Or, okay time to get up. Then go jack off in the shower or at work. So yeah it's me. He's just not as interested in me as he is himself. I think phasesofthemoon you really hit the spot with "he's truly addicted to his way to cum" which I 100% agree. I can't believe I never associated what we used to do via webcam to what he's doing now. That's really interesting.. So my question now is, how much longer do I give this? If I don't start getting the attention I feel I deserve, I'm going to lose interest in trying. I've already stopped with the extra stuff I used to do in hopes that maybe he will miss me enough to realize he did enjoy the ways I pleasure him.

          Another is that he shows no interest in trying to please me. I know women it's harder to orgasm and I don't ask for that every time. Not even 10% do I ask he help get me to orgasm. But it's like he will end up cumming first during these times he knows he is trying to help me cum too. and I'm then very frustrated and obviously have the need and want for him to still help me get there but he will get bored and start yawning like he doesn't care. Sometimes it's so off-putting I have to stop maturbating because it's so awkward and turns me off. But do I ever do that to him? Hell no, if it takes 30 minutes of sucking and gagging and an uncomfortable aching jaw,I'm not going to stop until he's finished.


          There's a clear imbalance here and I just don't know where to go from here.

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          • #6
            How about you show him this thread?

            Apart from your sex life, how is the relationship? And do you think it's worth pursuing?

            I am all for trying to solve an issue rather than quit on the relationship but the relationship needs to be worth the effort , time and frustration?!

            You could find a new partner who satisfies all your needs without it seemingly being such an effort.

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            • #7
              He's addicted to what he uses to get off by all accounts so unless he's willing to see a sex therapist with you to help the two of you get in sync and him off his drug (porn) then you would be foolish to waste anymore time on him then it takes him to finish the sentence "I'm not going to a sex therapist with you."

              I'm sorry but you are with a man that does not match your libido or your proclivities and talking about it with him without the help of a mediator seems futile.

              I suppose if the relationship is no less then STELLAR otherwise then it would be worth the effort to show him the rehab from porn site in the link I provided and see if he's at least willing to admit to his problem and work on it on his own. *shrugs*

              So: Is your relationship stellar besides in the bedroom?
              Last edited by phasesofthemoon; October 22nd, 2016, 04:19 PM.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                You should talk about first, but it isn't normal, andthe feeling of rejection is awful. If you aren't in love yet, you should leave.
                [COLOR=#FF0000]Please don't advertise in your signature - Staff[/URL]

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                • #9
                  Yes. Ditch the wanker. He's not interested in you, honey.

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                  • #10
                    I joined this forum looking for a topic exactly life this. I have the same problem as the OP. My fiance never wants to have sex with me and if I make any mention of it he rolls his eyes and looks away. I have caught him jerking off to porn more times than I can count. I am so sorry you are in this situation because I know exactly how shitty it feels. In the past he has blamed his age, his meds, his illnesses, my illnesses, etc. as reasons to not have sex. Every time I catch him it results in a huge argument and he gets mad and pouts and won't talk to me until I break the ice. We live in the same house but don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. I feel like we are just roommates at this point. I moved away from my home in another state to be with him and am left wondering if I made a huge mistake.

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                    • #11
                      It might be better if you start your own thread.
                      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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