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  • A Serious Obstacle to Relationship

    Hi, all! I am new here. First of all, I have been in a relationship for nearly a year. Although we are very compatible in many ways, (similar intelligence level, humor, likes dislikes) the sex (or lack of it) is beginning to trouble me. I would like to make love at least 3 times a week. He can usually muster energy for it once a week. I swore that I wouldn't make the same mistake lots of females are notorious for; treating a man like a fixer upper, but I can't help but feel that if he'd lose that pot belly, he'd feel a lot better. I read somewhere that excessive abdominal fat kills libido in males, and reduces testosterone levels. I've been very patient with him, but now fear for the relationship. I really love this guy, and want to show it. Is that wrong? I hate it when he turns me down. I feel unloved. I have mentioned my findings about the abdominal fat, and he expresses regret about having this problem, but won't do anything about it. I suggested using more fiber in his diet, and even shared some of the supplements that I use. If he would exercise and not sit in front of the computer so much, he would probably feel better anyway. But I am getting frustrated, and am now wondering if this relationship can survive without some more effort on his part.

  • #2
    Re: A Serious Obstacle to Relationship

    *Did he have a gut when you met him or has this developed over the past year that you've known him? *Did he sit in front of the computer all day when you met him or, did he just start doing this after you say you fell in love with him?
    *Could he only muster it up once a week when you first started to have sex with him or, did this just develope recently?

    In otherwords did you know all this about him but you went ahead with the relationship anyway? If you did, why did you do that when you have absolutely nothing in common, you have a crappy sex life and you don't even find him attractive?

    What do you think the answer to this is:
    But I am getting frustrated, and am now wondering if this relationship can survive without some more effort on his part.
    It's up to you to answer that question.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      Re: A Serious Obstacle to Relationship

      Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
      If you did, why did you do that when you have absolutely nothing in common, you have a crappy sex life and you don't even find him attractive?
      Well, I didn't say that we have absolutely nothing in common! We have lots in common. That is what drew us together in the first place.

      Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
      What do you think the answer to this is: It's up to you to answer that question.
      I know that it is ultimately up to me to answer that question. What I am looking for is input from others who may have encountered similar problems or situations.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: A Serious Obstacle to Relationship

        Originally posted by Janus2010 View Post
        Well, I didn't say that we have absolutely nothing in common! We have lots in common. That is what drew us together in the first place.
        Will the other "things" that you have in common be enough to sustain a happy, healthy relationship for you? If they won't... then I guess you have your answer.


        I know that it is ultimately up to me to answer that question. What I am looking for is input from others who may have encountered similar problems or situations.
        if the man doesn't want to change, won't join you in your supplements, is sorry that his gut bothers you but does little to change it. Then as insightful as others experiences will be. If he won't help you to help him, then in the end they will do nothing to remedy your situation.

        He has to want to change for the change to take place. You got what you thought you wanted so, I guess you need to accept him the way he is, (since he won't do anything to remedy) or, sever the relationship if you are frustrated. If it's like this now, he won't get any better without his co-operation.

        You've done some things and you've done some talking. Does he actually know that you're frustrated to the point that you're looking for online advice and wondering if it's worth staying with him or not?
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: A Serious Obstacle to Relationship

          Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
          Does he actually know that you're frustrated to the point that you're looking for online advice and wondering if it's worth staying with him or not?
          No, he doesn't know. For starters, I am planning to have a talk with him. Since it is coming up on a year, since we became a couple, I think it is time. Usually if I tell him something is bothering me, he makes an honest effort to change. This issue is the one that is foremost in my mind now.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: A Serious Obstacle to Relationship

            Weight is such a touchy issue... Even if someone suggests ways to lose it, the heavier person might take it as a personal insult, or might see it as an impossble obstacle. As in, even if I do what you say, I might still be heavy, so is it worth it?

            I don't know if that makes sense but I know for a fact that talking about weight, or ways to lose weight is uncomfortable for larger people.

            Maybe losing the "pot belly" isn't so much the problem as in you making him feel comfortable in any way shape or form that he comes to you. Maybe if he feels comfortable and confident first, in his current size he'll gain the momentum to change his eating and health diet.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: A Serious Obstacle to Relationship

              Originally posted by Janus2010 View Post
              Hi, all! I am new here. First of all, I have been in a relationship for nearly a year. Although we are very compatible in many ways, (similar intelligence level, humor, likes dislikes) the sex (or lack of it) is beginning to trouble me. I would like to make love at least 3 times a week. He can usually muster energy for it once a week. I swore that I wouldn't make the same mistake lots of females are notorious for; treating a man like a fixer upper, but I can't help but feel that if he'd lose that pot belly, he'd feel a lot better. I read somewhere that excessive abdominal fat kills libido in males, and reduces testosterone levels. I've been very patient with him, but now fear for the relationship. I really love this guy, and want to show it. Is that wrong? I hate it when he turns me down. I feel unloved. I have mentioned my findings about the abdominal fat, and he expresses regret about having this problem, but won't do anything about it. I suggested using more fiber in his diet, and even shared some of the supplements that I use. If he would exercise and not sit in front of the computer so much, he would probably feel better anyway. But I am getting frustrated, and am now wondering if this relationship can survive without some more effort on his part.
              That is a shame. This is totally opposite; it's usually the man who wants lovin all the time. A man should definitely want sex more than that. One day while he is at the computer (or some other place) you should try oral sex on him. This should spark up a great deal of sexual happiness in him for the future. After doing that, try the sex thing again in a couple of days. Lets just call it jump starting a soon to be sexual relationship.

              I would like to recommend an ebook for you called "Dating & Relationship (8 Important Questions for Young Women Dating)", it can be sent by email so it's simple to get and read. Take a look at it on Youtube under user name ebooksforthefuture. Then go to the channel website. Hope this helps.

              Comment

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