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  • GF's lack libido/ sexual desire/ depression!

    Me & my partner have been together 5 months & up until the last 2 months, my partner has lost her appetite for sex!
    She suffers from depression & it on an SSRI med that says can lower libido.
    The doc says that it can happen, but my partner says its more to do with thinking too much about it & not being able to relax!
    Like when we cuddle in bed & i get frisky, i can feel her tense as if she knows what i'm thinking, so then she kind of pulls away & then i go into a mood & we don't talk & she gets upset.
    I know she has had many issues in her life with depression, job issue, family etc but this seemed to start way after those issues & continually crops up.
    I have a high sex drive which is difficult i know in this situation, so i'm wondering what to do! I do love her, but this keeps cropping up & i feel the relationship isn't how it was because of this! More like friends than lovers although we do kiss & cuddle!
    The doc says its sexual anxiety & should have a month of no mention of sex at all, just being intimate with cuddles but then i get in the mood, so i end up rather not cuddling as it ends in a argument or discussion!

    When we met, she was a week out of a 3 & half year loveless relationship & yet she still talks of him. We bumped into him in town the other night & she says how she feels sorry for him as he still loves her, even though he has been with someone since! He has money & although she's adamant she will never go back to him, all i can think of is the no sex & him being talked of & i put 2 & 2 together. She says i'm making 5! She says she fancies me, loves me, i'm her everything, just can't have sex!
    I'm unsure what to do!

    wf

  • #2
    Re: GF's lack libido/ sexual desire/ depression!

    The relationship sounds a bit new. I learned the hard way that having sex constantly in the beginning brings some added pressure to the relationship.

    I hate to ask, but have you ever thought you might be the rebound guy? I have been that guy a few times. Not to mention, I have used women in that way to... It's not good for anyone.

    My only suggestion is to keep it in your pants and be intimate with her. Pressuring a woman only pushes her away. Trust me, I know from experience.

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    • #3
      Re: GF's lack libido/ sexual desire/ depression!

      I always wondered if i was the rebound guy & part of me still thinks that even though i'm reassured not! I met her when her relationship was fragile & she admits that i gave her motivation to do something about it. She says that ideally she would have wanted to meet someone after a break but how she fell for me & the affect i had on her showed that that was impossible!
      She says she's madly in love with me, that i'm her soul mate & that i'm the only one for her but no matter how much i hear this, i still have reservations as i'm always there for her at this hard time (health, job issues etc) & find myself doing a lot for her that she couldn't do without me!
      Also, the fact that sex at the mo isn't happening, it cab happen if its not talked about & she feels pressure or it can happen when there's intimacy, cuddling in a spontaneous way! I'm told she does fancy me, but at the moment she has a mental block when thinking about it too much!!
      I'm wondering if she can fancy me but not want sex?, she says she is very attracted to me, calls me gorgeous, sexy, hot etc, but just doesn't feel she can do the act!
      Although we did have some 'hand' fun out of the blue the other day, so i guess its about me keeping my mouth shut & being intimate!, very difficult when i get steamy, think somethings about to happen & it don't!!

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      • #4
        Re: GF's lack libido/ sexual desire/ depression!

        Originally posted by waterface View Post
        She says she's madly in love with me, that i'm her soul mate & that i'm the only one for her-
        More feminine-centric babble to try and keep you from focusing on what's important to you as a couple.

        Women love to toss around this "soulmate" garbage when they begin to slack on their relationship responsibility.

        I'm wondering if she can fancy me but not want sex?, she says she is very attracted to me, calls me gorgeous, sexy, hot etc, but just doesn't feel she can do the act!
        Proof positive you should never listen to what comes out of her mouth. Learn to read and interpret her body language. It'll tell you everything you need to know about her true intentions.

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        • #5
          Re: GF's lack libido/ sexual desire/ depression!

          I guess i know what you mean & take notice of her body language as opposed to what she says but except for her spontaneously giving me head or wanting me to do the same to her or penetration, the holding, kissing caressing skin, touching boobs etc & being naked is there & we both love each other a lot, but i can't help thinking that because there's not much sex, then there's an issue with me, even though there's still all the flirty innuendo stuff that we've always had!!
          I'm thinking its me because i go on about it, make an issue of it!, which obviously turns her off, instead of intimacy, cuddling & letting nature take its course!, when sex then has sometimes happened!
          She is seeing her doctor about it! She is having issues with depression & on medication, so her libido is low!
          She told me her doc said i should be more understanding & have a time out on sex for a month!, but i can't help thinking there's more to it than that but i can't obviously talk about it & say its not her depression issue!

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          • #6
            Re: GF's lack libido/ sexual desire/ depression!

            I'd get out of there if i was you, been there done that.
            is her 'depression' starting to stop you going out to as many social events by chance?

            I would agree with studying body language, watching big brother can be useful, i'd recommend "The Definitive Book of Body Language: The Secret Meaning Behind People's Gestures". Allan Pease & Barbara Pease (Author)
            don't take it all for gospel though, you still need your intuition (based on experience not paranoia)

            words and gestures are easily faked by those that know their power

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