Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

    Those that know me know the struggles i have had trying to encourage my other half to have sex with me...

    So the question i am pondering is..
    Is libido a fundamental part of our personality?

    I believe we can change things and improve ourselves, but at some point you have to say 'hold on a min, this is me!! i ain't changing!!' and i am beginning to feel either you have a sex drive or you don't.. Therefore decisions have to be made in an incompatible relationship..

    I am not talking about 'ruts' we get into i am talking complete lack of desire or anything sexual!!

    I would be interested in hearing your thoughts..
    I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it. Jonny Depp

  • #2
    Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

    The entire point of being is orgasm. That fleeting heartbeat where divinity, consiousness, and reality all merge and, at the same instant, blur.

    There is nothing to compare to orgasm. We chase it like the dragon. Some, who aren't petrified of their sexuality or too scared to push themselves to the next dangerous level, are the one's who reap the most memorable of those minute experiences.

    Our personality is completely based on how we perceive and accept ourselves as sexually ravenous animals. True, we may use cutlery, but our animalistic lust is mirrored within the wild beast.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

      Yes and no.

      The way I see it, being a sexual or asexual (or anything between) creature is a fundamental part of your personality. But it's also something that is very much driven by circumstances.

      That doesn't mean that an asexual person is going to change and become very sexual if "shown the light", but being that sex drive is part psychology and part hormones there are a variety of factors that can come into play. On the hormonal side, diet and exercise affects sex drive, it changes with the moon phase (i.e. hormonal cycles), and all sorts of things. On the psychological side you have the self-confidence, daily stress, social pressures or religion, self-perception, mood, expectations from sex, getting used to a certain amount of sex, etc. And these things can certainly be long-term factors that can change and aren't really "core personality" traits.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

        Originally posted by Deidre View Post
        On the psychological side you have the self-confidence, daily stress, social pressures or religion, self-perception, mood, expectations from sex, getting used to a certain amount of sex, etc. And these things can certainly be long-term factors that can change and aren't really "core personality" traits.
        I get this and understand; but i suppose i am at a clinching point at the moment where no matter what i change or what i do to alleviate some of the above it still doesn't get the desired effect.

        So the issue could just lie within himself and be something he has to figure out; i don't know if i have the patience to wait a further 5 years for this to happen...

        I sound so shallow, but i know how important this is to me; i tried to change and accept the situation but this has a serious knock on effect and has made me realize it IS part of me and i cant change it.. i am afraid i probably attach too much meaning and emotion to sex. I believe, whether its right or wrong as i have not looked into it yet, that this is where my inner source of power lies. I feel more powerful, assured, womanly, strong when i have a healthy sexual relationship.

        Its like being at a stale mate; i am asking for more but he is just unable to provide and doesn't see a problem with what we have.
        e.g he said this morning 'yeah i like sex, we could have more, but when we are getting on we do have more' I then pointed out that we get on most of the time, in the last three months we have had sex twice.. he went quiet.
        If fact that is all he seems to do on this topic, go quiet...

        Sorry... i just wish there was a magic button that dropped all walls and sparked the libido flying!
        I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it. Jonny Depp

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

          Originally posted by Beki View Post
          I get this and understand; but i suppose i am at a clinching point at the moment where no matter what i change or what i do to alleviate some of the above it still doesn't get the desired effect.

          So the issue could just lie within himself and be something he has to figure out; i don't know if i have the patience to wait a further 5 years for this to happen...
          Oh, no "but" about it. If he has hangups that are affecting his libido, those are things he must want to change for himself. You can try to accommodate (e.g. be less aggressive if sexual aggression bothers him), but the bottom line is that changes in him must be made by him. The part that is up to you is the part where you decide how long you are willing to wait for him to make those changes.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

            Hmm i dont see change happening to be honest; as much as he says he would 'eat his own sh*t for me' (nice analogy??)

            I dont see change because he is discussing it with people that are not in relationships or are not very successful in relationships. All these men have told him its completely normal to have sex once every 8-12 weeks???????????????????????????

            What the hell has happened to the male species???????????

            Seriously though, Its one of those situations that i KNOW something has to give but i really dont want to walk away because i am not getting laid enough.. it just seems so.. fixable.. it doesnt feel real at all.. i seriously dont get it...
            I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it. Jonny Depp

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

              God grant me the serenity
              to accept the things I cannot change;
              courage to change the things I can;
              and wisdom to know the difference.

              This has been an ongoing bone of contention with you and your guy for a hell of a long time. He can change him if he wants to change. You can't do it for him no matter what you say or do or try.

              He's fine with it. You're not. You've tried, he hasn't (or he's tried and just keeps reverting back)

              Read the prayer again, Beki.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

                Sex is a very important ingriendient in a loving relationship. However; I don't think one should base their self worth on how often they're gettin it. I love sex and the feeling of closeness it brings to us..

                Perhaps a compromise needs to be accomplished.

                Him: More interest in sex
                You: Less reliance on it to feel your empowerment
                ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

                  ****PHASES****..... YES I AM SHOUTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and laughing!!!!!!!!!!
                  your prayer is attached to the back of my toilet door!!!!!!!! I think that is what has bought this all up!!!

                  ha ha!!

                  BUT..... not being a giver uper... i HAVE had another idea....

                  I am suggesting we work on the quality not the quantity...
                  You never know if we become serious porn grade stars in the bedroom he may want more?! (there is a huge note of sarcasm in my voice!)

                  But seriously maybe this will work.. if the bit that we do have is fulfilling then maybe this will be enough for me. My only worry is that he will bother even trying. If he doesn't I WILL heed the prayer.

                  I may also make myself more unavailable... in the sense of i work an hour and a half away from home, i might start staying in Leicester during the week, try and build some kind of 'oo i miss you' in him..

                  Ideas ideas.
                  I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it. Jonny Depp

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

                    The emotion of missing someone is a very powerful aphrodisiac. Time apart occassionally is essential to a happy relationship.. Why do you think they give you vacation period from your job? A change is as good as a rest.

                    I think it's a great idea. I just wonder how you'll live with your own thoughts when you're not there to oversee his life? (not said in sarcasm). It will be a good test for both of you.. IMO.
                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

                      I am not doing too bad on the checking up etc actually; infact i think the circle of behaviour has been broken.

                      For instance; this situation now comes up every 6 months when i have had enough of it; but normally i just start checking to see if he has been wanking etc.. this time i didnt even get that far; i just addressed it with him straight away.

                      I find my eyes wander every now and then looking for something but your prayer comes in handy and so does a good book!

                      He has more time out with his friends now away from me due to me not drinking which is good for him and i dont find myself looking at the window to see if he is on his way back yet; Last night i enjoyed going to bed at 9pm and slept right through.. i even slept in the back bedroom knowing he would come in and wake me up which instantly puts me in a mood!

                      So i am working on it ;O)
                      I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it. Jonny Depp

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

                        I think you've got some excellent suggestions here, especially since you seem to want to keep trying, rather than give up.

                        I do NOT think that chat rooms are the answer, though. Remenber, it's often perceived as cheating.
                        29/female/Toronto
                        I'm so cool I've got my OWN SMILEY!!

                        English. It's your language. Learn to type it.


                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

                          my thoughts to your question: I think like animals we have pheremones and only certain members of the opposite sex (or same) will be intoxicated by it... I agree with all the above answers, but i think there is also simple animal attraction and maybe you havent found your life mating partner.... Im alot like you, sex is very important for my relationship to work, and ofcourse there are many other needs non sexual.. but if its important to you then it should be important to your partner. He may be better suited to a woman who likes sex once every now and then.. You sound like a woman who is wilting away..

                          Hope it works out with you two, you certainly have alot of love and patience..
                          Live life, love with an open mind, and never stop asking questions and learning from your mistakes... cause we all make plenty of them

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

                            I seriously don't get how like 99% of the girls out there complain their men don't give it to em enough. Why the hell am I stuck in the opposite :'( I want it all the time, and she's reluctant to want it once every 2 weeks.

                            Beki, I'm a guy but I'm in your shoes. I however am engaged, and I love this girl to death (sounds from the way you talk, you love your S/O just as much). I couldn't walk away, but she's driving me insane. I try to be gentle, massage, kiss neck, bring flowers, go out to dinner, bring her to new movies she wants to see, touch her exactly how she likes for hours, and she just doesn't get excited like she used to. Then when she sees the sad look on my face when she says no, she turns over in bed and cries silently, and I have to ask her to stop. Then she makes me feel like a monster for wanting it, I seriously hate my life right now.

                            I weight lift, have a great body. Wear her favorite colognes, and dress the way she likes... and I just get nothing in return. I'm reluctant to "EVER" have her start kissing on me. I'm so damned depressed right now, and we just got engaged less than 2 weeks ago. This is tearing me apart.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Is Libido a fundamental part of ur personality?

                              Lucky whatever you do... hold off getting married to this girl...

                              I think you have a few options:

                              Break up and find someone more in sycn with your needs

                              Stay with her and put up with her crying until you are so over it, you just dont try to seduce her anymore and break up and find someone more in sync with your needs

                              STay with her and tell her you want an open relationship and find someone more in sync with your needs

                              I spent the last two years searching high and low for a man of that quality, and I slept with a few men to actually find him.. I didnt think i would but damn, I have come as close as i can to mr sexually perfect..

                              I think if things dont improve, you should start searching yourself, lifes too bloody short to be unhappy
                              Live life, love with an open mind, and never stop asking questions and learning from your mistakes... cause we all make plenty of them

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X