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why do i feel horrible during and after sex with my husband?

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  • why do i feel horrible during and after sex with my husband?

    Ever since i had my baby i feel sick halfway thru sex and after. I ignored it at first. i love him to death and wouldnt ever want anyone else but i hate having sex. I want to because i do get worked up but only alone. before our daughter was born we had sex all the time. now we never do because i feel sick. Its gotten so bad that now im crying after. i dont want him to think its his fault because its not. hes doing nothing wrong. at least i dont think he is. does it have anything to do with the fact that i have never had a orgasm while having sex. i have faked them my whole life. but i dont think that would make me feel sick and want to cry after sex right? this is ruining my marriage and i dont know how to fix it. Help plz

  • #2
    Re: why do i feel horrible during and after sex with my husband?

    WOW! I've never heard of anything like this before. Are you attracted to him at all!? Sick as in you feel like vomiting? And OMG! You never had an orgasm!? You should really find yourself... and by that I mean explore your body. Know what you like and don't like. Tell him let him know what you like I'm sure he'll do exactlly what you say. It's always healthy when two people communicate during sex. It's also a turn on when you tell your better half what you like. Try that and tell me how it goes. Good luck.


    • #3
      Re: why do i feel horrible during and after sex with my husband?

      Firstly, you're not alone in never having had an orgasm. Many women never have. In fact, about sixty percent of women have some kind of trouble orgasming. Some of it is inexperience with their own bodies, but much of it isn't. Personally, I didn't have an orgasm for the first five years or so of being sexually active and it definitely had nothing to do with lack of sexual exploration. Actually, I still can't get myself to the point of orgasm, but with a partner present I can nearly just think myself there by now.

      If you don't know exactly what turns you on and how to reach at least some of the stages of female sexual arousal, it's time to explore. If you feel that you know your own body and sexual responses inside out, though, and still can't reach an orgasm... you're not alone. Identifying what is keeping you from getting there can be useful (e.g. for me, I think: trust and control issues), but it probably won't magically solve it (it still took me years to get to the point where I had what I needed).

      I'd also like to suggest that faking it is very helpful. Fake it 'til you make it works elsewhere, but not so much with sex. You're not giving yourself the opportunity to experience pleasure, by quitting without it, and you're teaching your partner(s) that what they're doing is working. There will be no incentive to try to get you off for real, because they think they are.

      Now, I know I'm not addressing the feeling of sickness here and that's because I think that you should probably talk to a professional about this. Perhaps start at the maternity ward and find out if they have heard of similar problems. Did you have a traumatic and painful birthing process, for example, that could be triggered for you when you have sex (being that this is ultimately what caused all that pain for you)? They'll have experience with all sorts of things post-pregnancy.

      Lastly, I'd suggest being open with your partner about these things. You're not feeling well, it's affecting your marriage, and you've been lying to him about your sexual gratification for a long time. I'd probably not lay it all on him at once, but it's not a path towards a healthy relationship and it'll be easier if you don't have to go through it alone.