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  • Sexless

    My husband never wants to get it on and comes up with every excuse in the friggin' book not to get it on. I am young and good looking and I have big boobs. What more could a man want. I have tried changing my look, making him jealous, being fun and happy, attacking him, etc. I can get it from him once a week, if I'm lucky. I'm getting really fed up. I get hit on daily and could get my freak on every day of the week with a different attractive man, but I don't. I want my husband. Our sex life has just gotten shittier and shittier over the past year and I am on the verge of giving up and getting a boyfriend. I can not stand cheaters, but damn, masturbation is boring. For me, it is torture to be forced to masturbate. I got into a monogamous relationship because I wanted to have sex with him and only him(as well as share other aspects of my life with him of course). It's gotten to the point that we are just flippin' roomies. He swears that nothings wrong and it is so aggravating.

    Thanks for letting me rant and someone please remind me of why I keep my faithfulness in the first place because it's getting pretty hard.

  • #2
    Re: Sexless

    Its fucked up that getting a boyfriend even crossed your mind even if you are ranting but ok. There could be a million reasons why thats happening like: maybe hes working a lot and too tired, or maybe his mind is worried about other things, maybe his sex drive has changed....etc. You should keep your faithfullness because it is wrong to be unfaithful and you are married and he is still your husband. If you believe in God have some fear and shame because infidelity is a sin and it should never cross your mind whether your husband is having sex with you once a week or once a day.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Sexless

      Originally posted by Ms. Islip View Post
      I am young and good looking and I have big boobs.
      D..D..Dizzy.......can.....can't...b..b..breathe!


      Originally posted by Ms. Islip View Post
      I am on the verge of giving up and getting a boyfriend.
      **Recovers**
      **Does very happy dance**
      **Buying bus ticket for Mississippi**


      Originally posted by Ms. Islip View Post
      For me, it is torture to be forced to masturbate.
      Do you wear leather?


      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



      Seriously, is this the SAME husband (Chinese) that a couple of months ago, you were ready to dismember with a dull chainsaw? If he received HALF the venom you put into your posts he should still be on life support.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Sexless

        Originally posted by Ms. Islip View Post
        Thanks for letting me rant and someone please remind me of why I keep my faithfulness in the first place because it's getting pretty hard.
        Considering what you've been through with your husband's own philandering, to become a cheat yourself would be to become what you despise. In a sense, by letting yourself develop in that way, you'd have allowed your husband's cheating to exact another, even worse toll. The final fallout, as it were, would become your own sense of identity, integrity, and character.

        Rather than dragging yourselves through the mud any further, would it not be wiser to simply move on?

        In any case, in the (likely) event that you would prefer not to move on any time soon, I would suggest the following: is it possible that Chinese may still be flinching away (emotionally) from your anger, as well as from his own sense of shame? Outwardly, that may be coming across as a hesitation to become intimate. Intimacy, after all, requires trust; if there's a shortfall of one, there's usually an equivalent lack in the other. Under your shared circumstances, it would be no wonder that trust is undergoing a drought right now.

        Perhaps, if this relationship is worth the effort (to your mind), there needs to be some work done on regaining that trust. That might involve such facets as: him trusting that you still care (and remain thus a safe person to be intimate with), you trusting that he will remain faithful and invested (and thus become/remain someone for whom you can continue to care for), etc, etc, etc.

        Also consider the possibility that you are now using your own libido and sexual demands as a means to exact a kind of subtle revenge upon him; as he belittled you by cheating, so you shall belittle him as a man now. It's a line of thought I'll leave be, but it might be worth contemplating...

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Sexless

          Maybe you should stop peeing on him in the shower.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Sexless

            Oh yes, that's an attractive thought.
            Bad people looking out for good people by killing worse people.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Sexless

              It sounds to me like there could be a lot of unresolved issues and pent up resentment here, I know it sounds cliched and is not necessarily the answer for everyone but it might be worth trying to get some marriage or relationship counselling. If it gets the 2 of you talking about the issues it might help you both find a way to normalise the relationship again.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Sexless

                Originally posted by Nurseman View Post
                D..D..Dizzy.......can.....can't...b..b..breathe!



                **Recovers**
                **Does very happy dance**
                **Buying bus ticket for Mississippi**



                Do you wear leather?


                ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



                Seriously, is this the SAME husband (Chinese) that a couple of months ago, you were ready to dismember with a dull chainsaw? If he received HALF the venom you put into your posts he should still be on life support.
                This is not time to make light of a woman in such dispair. The gull of you.....

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Sexless

                  Originally posted by Ms. Islip View Post
                  My husband never wants to get it on and comes up with every excuse in the friggin' book not to get it on. I am young and good looking and I have big boobs. What more could a man want. I have tried changing my look, making him jealous, being fun and happy, attacking him, etc. I can get it from him once a week, if I'm lucky. I'm getting really fed up. I get hit on daily and could get my freak on every day of the week with a different attractive man, but I don't. I want my husband. Our sex life has just gotten shittier and shittier over the past year and I am on the verge of giving up and getting a boyfriend. I can not stand cheaters, but damn, masturbation is boring. For me, it is torture to be forced to masturbate. I got into a monogamous relationship because I wanted to have sex with him and only him(as well as share other aspects of my life with him of course). It's gotten to the point that we are just flippin' roomies. He swears that nothings wrong and it is so aggravating.

                  Thanks for letting me rant and someone please remind me of why I keep my faithfulness in the first place because it's getting pretty hard.
                  I've read a lot of your past posts. You sound like a totally cool chick although not my type at all.

                  You have crazy type sex drive. You have always made that clear. You have had many issues with "Chinese" and his porn. It sounds like Chinese has had his fill of you or is having other problems.

                  Before you cheat I implore you to communicate your issues with Chinese. Cheating will make you feel worse. first session tell him what you are lacking and what you can do to make it work. Two weeks later if no results tell him you will consider leaving him if no improvement.

                  I learned this song in grade one, try it.

                  "chinese Japanese
                  dirty knees
                  look at these (flash your boobs)".

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Sexless

                    Originally posted by lily_gal View Post
                    Its fucked up that getting a boyfriend even crossed your mind even if you are ranting but ok. There could be a million reasons why thats happening like: maybe hes working a lot and too tired, or maybe his mind is worried about other things, maybe his sex drive has changed....etc. You should keep your faithfullness because it is wrong to be unfaithful and you are married and he is still your husband. If you believe in God have some fear and shame because infidelity is a sin and it should never cross your mind whether your husband is having sex with you once a week or once a day.
                    There are a lot of grey areas in relationships no matter what religion you may or may not be. My husband and I have a long history of him cheating, etc. and I have forgiven him. If you look at things so black and white and with such indignation then what will you do if your husband ever cheats on you? Religion-wise, it would be a greater sin to divorce him over it, right? But would it not kill inside that he cheated on you? That he threw away sacred vows spoken before God and your family? And what if he cut you off from sex and preferred being with other women? What if he didn't want you anymore?

                    Yes, it is not correct to cheat. It is also not fair to deny your partner affection or expressions of love either. My issue goes beyond sex. I don't get kissed. I don't get my hand held. I don't get looks of love in his eyes. As far as he's concerned. I may as well be another guy in the room. One of his hang-out buddies. That hurts more than you can currently imagine. We don't talk. If I don't say a word to him for two or three days, he doesn't even notice. I have actually tested it.

                    I'm sorry. I'm human, and I need affection and he refuses to provide it. I agree with what you say, but I just wanted to discuss this a bit further with you and give you more insight into the situation. I realize now that I left it too open.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Sexless

                      Originally posted by Nurseman View Post
                      D..D..Dizzy.......can.....can't...b..b..breathe!



                      **Recovers**
                      **Does very happy dance**
                      **Buying bus ticket for Mississippi**



                      Do you wear leather?


                      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



                      Seriously, is this the SAME husband (Chinese) that a couple of months ago, you were ready to dismember with a dull chainsaw? If he received HALF the venom you put into your posts he should still be on life support.
                      Yes, he did receive quite an amount of "venom". He deserved it. I could never make him feel as horrible as he has made me feel. I realized that I was letting him turn me into the type of person that I can not stand so I stopped "punishing" him. It has been a long and hard road for me to find day to day happiness again. I finally have self worth. But for every stone I put on my wall of self worth, he TNTs a square foot of it by the way he acts. I had been getting fed up for quite a while and instead of blowing up on him, I blew up on here.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Sexless

                        Originally posted by Ani View Post
                        Maybe you should stop peeing on him in the shower.
                        Honestly, he's a freak and enjoys such deviance.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Sexless

                          Originally posted by Harper View Post
                          Considering what you've been through with your husband's own philandering, to become a cheat yourself would be to become what you despise. In a sense, by letting yourself develop in that way, you'd have allowed your husband's cheating to exact another, even worse toll. The final fallout, as it were, would become your own sense of identity, integrity, and character.

                          Rather than dragging yourselves through the mud any further, would it not be wiser to simply move on?

                          In any case, in the (likely) event that you would prefer not to move on any time soon, I would suggest the following: is it possible that Chinese may still be flinching away (emotionally) from your anger, as well as from his own sense of shame? Outwardly, that may be coming across as a hesitation to become intimate. Intimacy, after all, requires trust; if there's a shortfall of one, there's usually an equivalent lack in the other. Under your shared circumstances, it would be no wonder that trust is undergoing a drought right now.

                          Perhaps, if this relationship is worth the effort (to your mind), there needs to be some work done on regaining that trust. That might involve such facets as: him trusting that you still care (and remain thus a safe person to be intimate with), you trusting that he will remain faithful and invested (and thus become/remain someone for whom you can continue to care for), etc, etc, etc.

                          Also consider the possibility that you are now using your own libido and sexual demands as a means to exact a kind of subtle revenge upon him; as he belittled you by cheating, so you shall belittle him as a man now. It's a line of thought I'll leave be, but it might be worth contemplating...
                          He has been faithful in every area as far as I know. There have been a few questionable times, but overall, he's been good. I do trust him for the most part, but his cutting me off makes me wonder where he's getting his release. He's just as, if not more so, sexual of a person as I am. I have offered an amicable divorce numerous times and he always refuses. He has even said that he knows that he is not trying to make things better and that I have been for a long time. I have told him exactly what I want and how often. As I was telling another poster, it is lack of affection that is killing me more than anything. I would be happy with sex twice a week with a lot of affection in between. It's to the point that if he does show any sort of affection, it throws me off. I think, "where the hell did that come from?"

                          I have tried setting up counseling sessions and it doesn't work out. He is extremely stubborn. If he thinks that he is right or does not want to do something, there is no way in hell that you can change his mind about it. It is just not possible. I'm at a loss.

                          I can't believe that I have been on here this long and have still found no resolution for any of our issues. It may just be a lost cause. Every time that I am ready to give up completely, I see a glimmer of hope. I think that is my downfall. I am an eternally optimistic person. I was watching the "Gangs of New York" and a guy wanted his buddy(Leo) to go ahead and off him. I said, "no way, there's always that one in a million chance that I'd survive and I'd want every last minute of life that I could have".

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Sexless

                            I'm sorry I didnt you know about your whole story I just thought if someone is thinking of cheating might as well leave the person before that happens. Damm he cheated??? Damm and why is he being so cold towards you and he doesnt want a divorce? Thats confusing :/ You know you might think this is silly of me to think this way but I really think he in his own way ,from what I read, is being real cruel and abusing your relationship. Yes divorce is considered a sin I know, but I dont know where it says you cant divorce him after he cheats? I think Ill stay away from religious view for this because then it can get long and confusing. I say if he cheated and you didnt divorce already and still with him hes damm lucky and that the ball should be in your court now. I am a deep believer in spiritual intuition and I'm sure if you reflect for a bit youll know what the right thing to do for you is. After all you live with him, no one will ever know how it is in your shoes but you no matter how much you write on here. I know its a little analytical but I would prob. make a list of the pos. and negs of the relationship and if the negs totally outweigh the pos's I think I would leave no matter how hard it would be, well assuming he doesnt change.

                            hope things soon change to the better for you
                            Last edited by lily_gal; May 4th, 2009, 05:47 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Sexless

                              Sorry to hear about your situation. From what I've read before I know this is very unusual behaviour from Chinese. I know that you say he's an extremely sexual person, but I did want to say that regardless, it is normal of many, if not most, people to have ups and downs in their sex drives, to the point where they may not want to have sex for weeks at a time. I know I've been there and it doesn't mean I don't love my boyfriend. People can go from wanting it multiple times a day sometimes, to not wanting it for weeks at other times. You can't just disregard the possibility that Chinese is going through a normal phase typical of most people, and doesn't want sex as much at the moment. He might be feeling exhausted, insecure, or uninterested due to the negative emotional baggage you have between you. (I do think it is his fault that you have this baggage, though.) One problem with this possible interpretation is his lack of affection in other ways, though. Plus, because he's destroyed your trust once, it's hard to just happily believe that it's a natural phase. Still, you can't rule out this possibility.

                              Also, though it may be taboo to say it, from what I've read generally it does seem common for many men to lose sexual interest in their partners to some extent, when they have been with them for a long time, see them every day, and basically take them for granted. Especially if you've had so much sex in the past, it could be the case that he's gotten a bit "overly satiated" or bored with it. Like any appetite, I personally think that too much sex can begin to detract from the experience eventually. A bit of a drought may renew his interest.

                              I know you've said you've tried everything. But my recommendation would be to persist with a bit of "game playing". Exercise, dress well, and continue to look attractive. Be kind, talkative and interesting. Casually mention the guys who have been hitting on you, as much as you can get away with it. (Even if it's more subtle and he can just read between the lines, like, "Oh, a guy who started talking to me in the supermarket yesterday said the funniest thing...") Don't bring up the sex problem - you've already discussed it - and don't initiate sex at all, but continue to be physically and verbally affectionate. My rationale behind this approach is that hopefully, your desirability will increase in his eyes, he'll see that many other men are interested and that he can't just take you for granted, he won't see you as sexually needy or begin to "dread" your next effort to initiate sex or think that every physical touch will be an effort to lead to it, and you won't constantly be focusing on a problem between you... he knows what you want, the issue will fade into the background, and he might feel more free to be spontaneous again instead of feeling conscious of everything physical that happens between you. I would advise you to persist with this approach for weeks if necessary - it might take that long to "get out of the rut" that you're both currently in. But obviously, if nothing continues to happen, your problem may run deeper - this approach is more focused on fixing a possible normal problem between you, rather than addressing your own needs. It's something that would work for me if I were in his situation with my partner.

                              If Chinese is just stubbornly intent on doing nothing to help your marriage... then you have a big problem. I have to admit that with his past, I personally would have a lot of trouble not believing that he is back to doing things behind your back... unfortunately.

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