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  • She never wants it

    Ive been with this girl two half years and I get laid maybe twice a month Im at my ropes end with this. Sex is a very big part of it for me and Im just not getting the amount I need.

    When she does have sex with me its uaslly only to just make me happy and that doesnt make me happy.

    Now Im not tooting my own horn but Im no slouch in bed Im good at sex I have no issues there.

    I just cant figure it out. I think its a mental issue with her becuase if I start going on with trying to turn her on her body is certainly into it but her head is not.

    Anyone anything?
    Hatred for the common.

  • #2
    Re: She never wants it

    I'm in the same spot you are, dude. In fact, my girl's having trouble even showing affection. Not just to me, but she won't hug anyone, not even her mom and dad. She says it makes her feels nauseus and she ends up getting like a panic attack, sorta. Sex is a no go, because even the thought of it brings on a small panic attack. Her sex drive used to be amazing. I'm talking many times a day...3-4. Now, I'm lucky to get it that many times in a month. It's not like she doesn't want it, she's told me she does, but she just can't bring her mind to focus. I've looked up some stuff on the net and one thing I came up with that so closely resembles her ordeal is something called "sexual aversion disorder". The brain basically shuts down any thought of sex and causes the body to react negatively to any thought of it...i.e. nauseusness and panic and anxiety attacks. Have your girlfriend make an appointment with her doctor asap and mention that she might have this. Until then, just be patient. It's hard, but I'm sure it'll pay off in the end.

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    • #3
      Re: She never wants it

      Makes sense.

      she doesnt get panic attacks but maybe shes in the begining stages who knows Ive been trying to get her to see a doctor but thats like pulling teeth.

      One doctor told her she just needs a boyfriend that wines and dines her.

      Im not a rich man so fancy things dont come often Luckly she thought that doctor was an idiot.
      Hatred for the common.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: She never wants it

        Wining and dining them doesn't help. I've been trying. I even bought her some flowers and did the dishes. It's gotta be a mental thing. Mine wants it, she just can't bring herself to do it. Luckily we go see the doctor next monday. I'll let you know how shit goes and what the diagnosis is if it'll help at all.

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        • #5
          Re: She never wants it

          Id really appreciate that!
          Hatred for the common.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: She never wants it

            meh, i get it like once a month in a 3 year relationship

            I'd say "the honeymoon is over baby, it's never gonna be that way again"

            masturbate more? theres nothing wrong with it - i do it like twice a day at least, most days.

            most guys have a higher sex drive than girls

            and PS learn to accept that while sex is great, it's not the be all and end all. what if you had your genitals horribly mutated by some freak act of chicken or something and could no longer have sex, what would you do then?

            Just remember - no matter how little you're having sex, theres someone out there having less sex than you.

            You don't need to "wine and dine" her to get laid either. if you wanted to spend money to get a lay go get a hooker.
            PLEASE use PARAGRAPHS when you post, we’re more likely to read your post.
            For more information on paragraphs please press your enter key whilst typing a post.

            They're = They are (eg, They're not wearing any clothes!)
            Their = Possessive (eg, Check out their boobies!)
            There = locality (eg There is a naked chick in the water)
            Your = Possessive (eg I can see your boobies through that wet t-shirt)
            You're = You are (eg You're getting dressed? Damn...)

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            • #7
              Re: She never wants it

              I'm going through this as well. My girlfriend and I have been broken up for about a month and we have recently started hanging out again. She wants to take it slow and fix things. She basically 'lost' her sex drive as well. She kept crying to me why she never wants to initiate sex. I agree that it very well could be this 'sexual aversion disorder'. PLEASE post here after you and your girl go to the doctor. Any advice on this could potentially help me and a ton of other people.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: She never wants it

                Originally posted by OvershareDude View Post
                meh, i get it like once a month in a 3 year relationship

                I'd say "the honeymoon is over baby, it's never gonna be that way again"

                masturbate more? theres nothing wrong with it - i do it like twice a day at least, most days.

                most guys have a higher sex drive than girls

                and PS learn to accept that while sex is great, it's not the be all and end all. what if you had your genitals horribly mutated by some freak act of chicken or something and could no longer have sex, what would you do then?

                Just remember - no matter how little you're having sex, theres someone out there having less sex than you.

                You don't need to "wine and dine" her to get laid either. if you wanted to spend money to get a lay go get a hooker.
                HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! That's so hilarious but true(the part about masturbation). I've been down this road many times and I think this is a problem every guy faces. In the beginning the sex is awesome:2-3 times a day, it is adventurous, new, exciting, all of that. But I think once the relationship settles in, girls change to a different mode and are always worrying about stuff guys would never give a second thought. And also, guys do have a much higher sex drive than girls. Hell, my father could die sometime in the morning and I would still want to have sex that afternoon. You think a girl would do that? Uh-uh. Face it:this is the way things are going to be. If you want to spice up your sex life a vacation is always a good way to do it. Take the stress off of your girl for a bit and you'll see a difference.
                Whoever said "Life is fair"?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: She never wants it

                  I disagree. Wining and dining does work and it doesn't necessarily mean spending large amounts of money.

                  I would interpret the wining and dining as making the sex more romantic. Making it more interesting for her eyes would probably help.

                  If the wine and dine doesn't work, I would assume, the root of the problem is probably a deeper issue in the relationship. Something might be bothering her (she might be upset with you or something might be on her mind that might be stressing her out).

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                  • #10
                    Re: She never wants it

                    All very good responces but in the same two and half years its been this way. The INTIRE two and half years not even in the beginning was it good.

                    And yes masterbation is a big help but you can only do that so many times aday before it starts to hurt

                    Ive done the wining and dining and nothing Ive done the vactions and nothing the random trips out of town to hotels the camping in the woods with romantic dinners nothing.

                    You know its not the lack of sex that sucks. Its the lack of connection with the woman Im in love with that sucks. Its very difficult. And to be honest Im really considering leaving her.

                    How can someone be in love with you and not see you as an object of passion? I cant look at her with out being turned on just seeing her makes me gasp for air and her seeing me is just like seeing anyone else.

                    Its very disheartning.
                    Hatred for the common.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: She never wants it

                      glad to know im not the only person with this situation. only mine is switched!!! thank god for vibrators!
                      With love ~M~

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                      • #12
                        Re: She never wants it

                        HBDB the last post you just put is what i have wanted to say for the last six months of my relationship its completely miserable being in love with someone that doesnt want to connect in the way that you want to.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: She never wants it

                          Hmm. . . certainly a problem.

                          Please, please, please, do not start with the whole "I think its something every man has to deal with." Every man I've been with hasn't been able to keep up with me. We all have drives, and generally when you are with someone the 2 drives are not going to be perfectly in synch.

                          Also, not to doubt your prowess, but when you do have sex, does she come? It doesn't sound like it. If you really focus on her, she may start to have a different view about things.

                          And I don't mean just focus on her during intercourse. Think about what she likes. Does she like massages? Make sure to incorporate TONS of that into the foreplay. Oral? Make sure to make her scream . Does she like to feel an emotional connection? Try spooning or other similarly intimate positions. Let her take the reigns. Tell her its all about making her happy.

                          I do understand that you are probably trying really hard, that you probably aren't bad in bed, and that she may be ruining her own pleasure if she's faking it, but you have to consider the fact that she may be faking it. You should not interpret this as failure, but instead as a challenge. Every woman is different, and while some tricks work for most of us, finding our orgasm can be a difficult puzzle. She may be faking it AND not even ever have had an orgasm!

                          If none of this works, you have to consider whether she really wants to be in this relationship, and whether you do. I mean, your SEXUAL partner will only SUBMIT (not even enjoy) sex twice a month? Doesn't sound like she's into you.

                          But I hate to hit some of you men over the head about these things, but:

                          - Just because she doesn't want to have sex with you does NOT mean that there is something medically wrong with her. If she can't show affection to anyone, including her family, then MAYBE. But don't assume that if she doesn't want to fuck you that there is something wrong with her! First, think about the fact that she may not have orgasmed, or that recently she may not have. Now think about what it would be like if your gf got you really turned on but you never came. How would you enjoy it? Frustrating much. Believe me, I've been there, but it was a lose-lose situation- if I brought it up, I was insulting his sexual prowess, etc. But if I didn't bring it up, I never had any release.
                          - The VAST majority of women do not have sexual aversion disorder. . . and if your gf had it, you would most likely have known from the beginning. People with sexual aversion disorder don't have sex just to make their bf's happy. They avoid it at all costs. She is not in 'the early stages' of it either. That kind of shit happens from weird religious parents and/or abuse, etc.
                          -And for the man who just got back together with his girl, DUH! Its not like she all of a sudden is 'catching' sexual aversion disorder. She doesn't want to sleep with you because she doesn't want her or your feelings about the relationship to be intertwined with feelings about sex (sometimes if the sex is good it can make you stay with a shitty partner). She wants to do what she said- take it slow and make sure both of you are making the right decisions. For God sakes, she is smart! Not medically damaged.

                          Arg. . . sometimes I feel like men just don't understand. . . seriously, you'd want to fuck a couple of hours after your father died? I think you guys are the ones with the medical conditions. Who does that?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: She never wants it

                            Originally posted by snuggler View Post
                            Hmm. . . certainly a problem.

                            Please, please, please, do not start with the whole "I think its something every man has to deal with." Every man I've been with hasn't been able to keep up with me. We all have drives, and generally when you are with someone the 2 drives are not going to be perfectly in synch.

                            Also, not to doubt your prowess, but when you do have sex, does she come? It doesn't sound like it. If you really focus on her, she may start to have a different view about things.

                            And I don't mean just focus on her during intercourse. Think about what she likes. Does she like massages? Make sure to incorporate TONS of that into the foreplay. Oral? Make sure to make her scream . Does she like to feel an emotional connection? Try spooning or other similarly intimate positions. Let her take the reigns. Tell her its all about making her happy.

                            I do understand that you are probably trying really hard, that you probably aren't bad in bed, and that she may be ruining her own pleasure if she's faking it, but you have to consider the fact that she may be faking it. You should not interpret this as failure, but instead as a challenge. Every woman is different, and while some tricks work for most of us, finding our orgasm can be a difficult puzzle. She may be faking it AND not even ever have had an orgasm!

                            If none of this works, you have to consider whether she really wants to be in this relationship, and whether you do. I mean, your SEXUAL partner will only SUBMIT (not even enjoy) sex twice a month? Doesn't sound like she's into you.

                            But I hate to hit some of you men over the head about these things, but:

                            - Just because she doesn't want to have sex with you does NOT mean that there is something medically wrong with her. If she can't show affection to anyone, including her family, then MAYBE. But don't assume that if she doesn't want to fuck you that there is something wrong with her! First, think about the fact that she may not have orgasmed, or that recently she may not have. Now think about what it would be like if your gf got you really turned on but you never came. How would you enjoy it? Frustrating much. Believe me, I've been there, but it was a lose-lose situation- if I brought it up, I was insulting his sexual prowess, etc. But if I didn't bring it up, I never had any release.
                            - The VAST majority of women do not have sexual aversion disorder. . . and if your gf had it, you would most likely have known from the beginning. People with sexual aversion disorder don't have sex just to make their bf's happy. They avoid it at all costs. She is not in 'the early stages' of it either. That kind of shit happens from weird religious parents and/or abuse, etc.
                            -And for the man who just got back together with his girl, DUH! Its not like she all of a sudden is 'catching' sexual aversion disorder. She doesn't want to sleep with you because she doesn't want her or your feelings about the relationship to be intertwined with feelings about sex (sometimes if the sex is good it can make you stay with a shitty partner). She wants to do what she said- take it slow and make sure both of you are making the right decisions. For God sakes, she is smart! Not medically damaged.

                            Arg. . . sometimes I feel like men just don't understand. . . seriously, you'd want to fuck a couple of hours after your father died? I think you guys are the ones with the medical conditions. Who does that?
                            Sense our relationship has begone its been about her I changed what she wanted I did what she wanted I am not lacking any where. She does not fake it. I can feel the difference between the two. Sorry Im not that guy.

                            I dont have sex to just have sex and move on to the next project thats not who I am sex is not about sex for me its about a connection.

                            Ive been with women who fake it and Ive been with women who couldnt fake it if they wanted to and shes the one that couldnt.

                            I understand what your saying. But thats nto the case. This woman is a very good looking woman and could have any one she wanted if she didnt want to be with me should wouldnt.

                            Either way. Its not always the mans fault either
                            Hatred for the common.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: She never wants it

                              HDBD, my post wasn't all about you. . . it was about a lot of generalizations that were happening in this post.

                              Such as
                              1) I think this is a problem every guy faces.
                              2) My girlfriend and I have been broken up for about a month and we have recently started hanging out again. She wants to take it slow and fix things. She basically 'lost' her sex drive as well. She kept crying to me why she never wants to initiate sex. I agree that it very well could be this 'sexual aversion disorder'.

                              Then, three of the men on here have concluded that their gf's either already have sexual aversion disorder or are 'catching' it.

                              Come on! That disorder is rare, and these statements are a contradiction in themselves- if *every* man has to deal with it, then how can it be a disorder in females? LOL.

                              My post was meant to say that the most common reasons that a girl does not want to have sex with her boyfriend is either

                              1) Because she doesn't want to have sex with you, or
                              2) Because she doesn't want to have sex with anybody.

                              Both 1 and 2 can relate to her just having a low sex drive. However, I take offense with the fact that this is something every man has to deal with, and I think that men who think that generally are not pleasing their partners. I think this because I think orgasms are mind-blowing, and like many men, I can't fathom why some women *and men* don't want them all the time.

                              I also know, from personal experience,that some men, even the ones who *swear* they can tell the difference between a fake and a real orgasm, don't necessarily have the capability to tell the difference. I dated a man who used to say such statements, and I myself am a girl who can't lie about anything, and I wasn't even trying to fake anything, and this man thought that I had come!!! So it happens man, and I don't believe that the best lover in the world can always tell the difference. But, I didn't mean to say that it is your fault or all men's faults! I just meant it happens, and that all women are different about what really turns them on. It doesn't mean you suck or that you aren't doing what makes every other woman happy- it just means you may have to try something different to make this woman happy.

                              Generally, if your problem is #1, that she does want sex, but just not with you, that there is a relationship problem. Perhaps there are communication problems, infidelity problems, maybe she's just not that into you anymore. I can almost say with certainty that this is what Lafours problem is. I can't understand how he actually thinks she has a medical condition! She obviously wants what some of you have said yourself is important- the connection- along with the physical. But, accordingly, if she isn't feeling the connection at the moment, she won't want the sex!

                              But, reading about your problem, and recognizing that your gf has *always* been this way, it seems to me more that she is just an asexual person. She doesn't seem to enjoy sex much. If she just does it to make you happy, and even 'making you happy' is that infrequent, she probably doesn't like it. I think people who don't like chocolate are crazy too, but it doesn't always mean that there is something medically wrong with her. It generally just means that people have different drives, and hers sounds way below yours. Maybe orgasms don't float her boat?

                              But, the more important question is, what are you going to do about it? Have you talked to her about it? What has she said? If she has always been this way, it probably will *NEVER* change. So, do you love the rest of her enough to deal with this forever, or would you rather look for someone with a drive more similar to your own? That is the real question you, HDBD, should be thinking about.

                              Also, if your gf has talked to her doctor about her sex drive, and her doctor can't figure it out, it probably means that there is no medical condition! Its not like you can find something off the internet and medically diagnose your gf's problems better than a doctor can.

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