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  • A Gross Overreaction?

    Last night my boyfriend got really mad at me because I came home from work and played a video game with a mutual friend of ours and his friend. We play an online game where you communicate through a headset. I signed on to play by myself, but my sister-in-laws little brother invited me to a game and I joined. Whenever we play we usually play with any combination of my bf and I, my brother, my sister, and my SIL and her brother. My bf has never liked my SIL's little brother because he swears he has a crush on me. I have zero feelings for this kid, and think of him like a brother. I didn't think it was wrong at all to play a video game with him and his friend, and I invited my sister and bf to play too but they were both busy.

    Later I went to my bf's and he completely ignored me while I cooked dinner and refused to help. I was also feeling really sick, but he ignored me when I told him this and worked out and showered while I cooked. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he's just going to start hanging out with girls after work since I'm hanging out with other guys. I left early because I was feeling really sick, and he refused to walk me to my car and told me i knew where it was. I cried, got pissed, then called him and told him I was done and wanted to break up (probabaly an overreaction, but I was extremely hurt because of how he was treating me when I already felt like garbage). I really feel like he was just punishing me instead of having an adult conversation about something that made him feel uncomfortable.

    We fought for a little while, but he insists if I play a video game with them then what's to stop me from going out and drinking with them? He's been trying to get me to talk to him today but I dont know what else to say at this point. Am I overreacting? Is he overreacting? How do I explain to this person that he's being unreasonable?

  • #2
    Witch I don't think your spat is worth breaking up and you two can salvage your relationship. I think both sides overreacted.

    When you come home from work, don't immediately start playing video games. Cut the electronics entirely, get away from the PC, desktop, put the cell phone in another room and stop all of those time traps.

    Ask your bf to start helping with cooking dinner and clean-up. You were slaving away in the kitchen despite feeling sick. He should help cook and clean regardless of whether or not you were sick. He shouldn't use it as retaliation for playing video games. You two need to discuss, both of you should apologize sincerely for partaking in the argument and start all over again by promising to be kind toward one another. Be basic and humble with this at length, non-rushed, non-distracted discussion or conversation. Hash it out.

    Focus on your boyfriend because he takes top priority over your video games. Set your priorities straight.

    If you play video games, keep it short, brief and ensure your bf that everything is decent. Remind him video games are harmless and this shouldn't be a source of jealousy and control. Tell him video games are completely innocent and that's all there is to it. Your bf is really insecure and jealous which is unnecessary because by now, you've built up trust so tell him he knows by now that you are trustworthy. Express that your love for him is only him an no one else and you will stay true to him. Tell him that his suspicious mind is not worth discarding your relationship with him. Tell him you two are not worth simply throwing it all away and calling it quits. Tell him how precious your relationship with him is. He needs to see the light.

    Try to talk to him today and do as I had suggested. Don't shut him out otherwise breakup will become an eventual reality which I'm sure you want to avoid. Talk it out with soft tones, don't yell, don't become an emotional hothead, remain calm, mature, be nice, be kind, ask him to be the same and work this out. There is no need to fight and breakup. Be a grown up and resolve this. You can do it and make sure both sides cooperate with utmost respect.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

    Comment


    • #3
      Are we back to these pathetic video games again? You posted a while ago complaining about how much your boyfriend hurt you by playing video games without you. You flipped out that he started a game before you came home with a few people including your relatives. Now its the other way around. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you both need to get a life AWAY from these video games because its consuming you both to the point that you both feel hurt when the other plays. How pathetic is that! It's dominating you're whole relationship and making you both seriously overreact. Video games are not harmless and are not innocent if the player becomes obsessed to the point that they cant stop playing or letting it interfere with their personal life.

      In the last post many advised you both to spend time together as a couple away from the video games and you assured that you would cool off on the games and spend some one on one time together going out to dinner, movie etc. But it looks like that never happened because you still come home from work and jump straight on the video games. Its called 'obsession'.
      Last edited by Dazed & Confused; January 30th, 2019, 09:39 AM.
      I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

      Comment


      • #4
        I'm only addressing the issue here that you asked for advice on.

        When someone expresses a discomfort or fear (insecurity regarding another individual around you like your SIL's brother), this is a demonstration of trust. By not listening to your boyfriend or respecting his wishes, you broke that trust in his eyes and governed your actions solely on what you thought was best. This isn't what a relationship should be about. I'm not evaluating the justness of whether what he feels is right or wrong. I don't feel it's useful for me to judge whether his thoughts or feelings are valid. As his girlfriend you should be doing that. Afterall, you're with each other, aren't you? And you do spend a lot of time with each other. I don't sense that you have any issues loving or supporting each other but sometimes your communications seem to break down. I'm only being clear about what his actions and your actions have shown in this isolated incident.

        He is still feeling vulnerable if he passes comments after the fact, ie going out drinking with them at a later date. Address it head on and don't deflect or take it personally. Aside from your blood relationships, you should be treating each other like next of kin. Respect each other more. Open up the conversation and elaborate on that trust. Don't take the trust forgranted. See where it goes.

        Comment


        • #5
          When TF are you just going to dump this chuckler? You've started multiple threads about how unhappy you are with his ways so either quit your bitchin or get rid of this albatross around your neck you call a partner.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by chanelle View Post
            Witch I don't think your spat is worth breaking up and you two can salvage your relationship. I think both sides overreacted.

            When you come home from work, don't immediately start playing video games. Cut the electronics entirely, get away from the PC, desktop, put the cell phone in another room and stop all of those time traps.

            Ask your bf to start helping with cooking dinner and clean-up. You were slaving away in the kitchen despite feeling sick. He should help cook and clean regardless of whether or not you were sick. He shouldn't use it as retaliation for playing video games. You two need to discuss, both of you should apologize sincerely for partaking in the argument and start all over again by promising to be kind toward one another. Be basic and humble with this at length, non-rushed, non-distracted discussion or conversation. Hash it out.

            Focus on your boyfriend because he takes top priority over your video games. Set your priorities straight.

            If you play video games, keep it short, brief and ensure your bf that everything is decent. Remind him video games are harmless and this shouldn't be a source of jealousy and control. Tell him video games are completely innocent and that's all there is to it. Your bf is really insecure and jealous which is unnecessary because by now, you've built up trust so tell him he knows by now that you are trustworthy. Express that your love for him is only him an no one else and you will stay true to him. Tell him that his suspicious mind is not worth discarding your relationship with him. Tell him you two are not worth simply throwing it all away and calling it quits. Tell him how precious your relationship with him is. He needs to see the light.

            Try to talk to him today and do as I had suggested. Don't shut him out otherwise breakup will become an eventual reality which I'm sure you want to avoid. Talk it out with soft tones, don't yell, don't become an emotional hothead, remain calm, mature, be nice, be kind, ask him to be the same and work this out. There is no need to fight and breakup. Be a grown up and resolve this. You can do it and make sure both sides cooperate with utmost respect.
            Thanks for the response, but I don't think cutting out technology is going to solve anything though. This is also the first time I've played a video game in a few months, I've been way too busy with work to play. Honestly, this whole fight really had nothing to do with the video game and everything to do with who I played with and how he reacted to something he didn't like. After the fight I was upset because:

            1. He treated me like I no longer mattered to him; he ignored that I was sick and made rude remarks until I asked him if he could walk me out (which he pointedly refused to do)
            2. He made me feel as though I'm some tramp who's going to jump in bed with the first dude who looks my way (Although I have NEVER in the course of our relationship done anything to make him not trust me. I don't talk to other guys, I don't go hide or lie about my whereabouts)

            None of which were directly related to and or caused by the video game. He ALWAYS helps with dinner and cleaning, we have a really good way about working in the kitchen together. He just chose not to help as a way to punish me or make it known that he was unhappy. You're right about us having built up trust over the years, but I feel like I trust him while he doesn't trust me at all.

            I tried to talk to him about this last night, but he just avoided the subject and acted like everything was perfectly normal. He even brought up how excited he is for Valentine's Day and says I'm going to love what he got me. Frankly, I was disappointed by the whole thing. I don't want a gift, I want a mentally and emotionally competent partner who is going to talk things out when we need to instead of sweeping them under the rug.

            Rose Mosse You said him telling me he doesn't like me being around my SIL's brother is a demonstration of trust. Like by telling me this, he is trusting and confiding in me. I can buy that a little bit, but the SIL's Brother is a topic we have been fighting over since we first started dating. He has repeatedly been rude to me and or my SIL's Brother and family when we are all together at family events, has repeatedly picked fights with me and treated me like crap, all because he has it in his head that my SIL's brother is after me. This kid has NEVER expressed interest in me what so ever. I have reassured my bf a million times there is no attraction there, that I feel nothing for this person, that he needs to trust me. Ultimately, we cannot cut my SIL's brother from our lives. We spend time with my SIL and brother a lot, and they are close with him and invite him all the time. I can't simply tell them they can't invite him anywhere my family goes because my bf is insecure, or refuse to go anywhere he happens to be as well. I feel like it wouldn't be an issue if my bf just trusted me, but after this fight I just don't feel like he does.

            I've tried to make him feel less vulnerable, but I don't really know what else to do at this point. I can talk until I'm blue in the face, my boyfriend still does not believe I'm being honest when I tell him I love him and him only and have no interest in dating another guy. I made every effort to avoid playing a video game with this person and no one else. We started off as a group of four, and I invited my bf, but people left and my bf was busy. We ended up with just three of us, the other person whom of which I've never spoken to before and my SIL's brother. I don't feel like I betrayed his trust here, it's literally the first time this has ever happened. I didn't try to hide it from him at all either, I was really candid and upfront about the whole thing. He just assumed I was doing something shady.

            I know you said not to take it personally, but it's really hard. He last girlfriend cheated on him, and I feel like he's treating me like I'm her and writing me off as a tramp.

            Comment


            • #7
              You said you haven't been able to play for months due to being so busy with work and the moment you are not busy you jump on the game with this guy he has a problem with. I can understand his annoyance there.

              It's funny how the very first part of your response is you defending the video game lol
              I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
                You said you haven't been able to play for months due to being so busy with work and the moment you are not busy you jump on the game with this guy he has a problem with. I can understand his annoyance there.

                It's funny how the very first part of your response is you defending the video game lol
                It's very funny how none of your responses have been helpful. You distilled my original post down to nothing more than a rant about how much you think I shouldn't play video games. It's a hobby, same as biking, or writing, or reading. It's just something I do in my free time. It's something we BOTH do in our free time. You fixate on the superficial details of people's posts, which is why you cannot offer any useful insights.

                I didn't "run home to jump on a game," I decided to play one in my free time as a way to de-stress after week three of working six days instead of five. My bf and I had played one the day before with this "guy he has a problem with," and it wasn't a problem then. We even played last night with this "guy he has a problem with" and everything was fine. He just didn't like it because he wasn't there to monitor my every reaction, which, he doesn't need to do because he should trust me to go thirty minutes without sleeping with someone I don't like.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Witch View Post

                  It's very funny how none of your responses have been helpful. You distilled my original post down to nothing more than a rant about how much you think I shouldn't play video games. It's a hobby, same as biking, or writing, or reading. It's just something I do in my free time. It's something we BOTH do in our free time. You fixate on the superficial details of people's posts, which is why you cannot offer any useful insights.

                  I didn't "run home to jump on a game," I decided to play one in my free time as a way to de-stress after week three of working six days instead of five. My bf and I had played one the day before with this "guy he has a problem with," and it wasn't a problem then. We even played last night with this "guy he has a problem with" and everything was fine. He just didn't like it because he wasn't there to monitor my every reaction, which, he doesn't need to do because he should trust me to go thirty minutes without sleeping with someone I don't like.
                  If everything is now FINE, why are you posting? Why are you telling us he doesn't like the guy then telling us he's fine with him? You are back tracking alot and its very confusing.
                  ​​​​​​
                  Yes I think your gaming habits are bordering on obsessive. I've lost count the amounts of times you said the words "video games".
                  I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Witch, just wait for things to blow over a bit. You're sounding very upset and it could be heavily influencing your tone when you want to talk with him (and he's shutting down and avoiding you). I'm not suggesting ignoring it. I'm just saying it might be a good idea to cool it and come back to this at a later time. If there are issues in history with cheating or experiencing being cheated on, revisit this. If he doesn't want to he really isn't obligated to. It's what he feels safe talking about, period. You should know that you are with someone who might have previous trauma or unresolved problems. You don't seem to have such issues in the past regarding this topic so why let this get to you? Be patient with him if you love him so much.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post

                      If everything is now FINE, why are you posting? Why are you telling us he doesn't like the guy then telling us he's fine with him? You are back tracking alot and its very confusing.
                      ​​​​​​
                      Yes I think your gaming habits are bordering on obsessive. I've lost count the amounts of times you said the words "video games".
                      He's acting like it's fine, I don't feel like it is. He has never liked the guy, but at some point in the relationship he finally sucked it up and started playing nice with person until the other day.

                      You are really Dazed and Confused if you think a little casual gaming is "obsessive." How many hours a day do you spend trolling this forum by leaving less than helpful comments. I think that's "obsessive."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Witch View Post

                        He's acting like it's fine, I don't feel like it is. He has never liked the guy, but at some point in the relationship he finally sucked it up and started playing nice with person until the other day.

                        You are really Dazed and Confused if you think a little casual gaming is "obsessive." How many hours a day do you spend trolling this forum by leaving less than helpful comments. I think that's "obsessive."

                        There's no need to be rude. I'm not a troll and I'm very offended that you insulted me by saying that. I'm not a bad person at all. I'm just honest. I'm just saying what I see, from this and your past posts that heavily involved video gaming. It just sounded a little excessive that's all. Your last post was about him playing the game without you which you felt really hurt about. Now its you playing a game (when it looked like he wanted to spend time with you but you played with the other guy instead) and he's the one that's pissed. It's like a vicious cycle and appears to be the route of your issues.

                        As for the other guy, if you know that your bf is NOT really fine, cant you just not play with him if your bf doesn't like it? It doesn't sound like you have made any effort to do that for him if he is uncomfortable with it. I'll be honest that I think he was being an ass when he threatened to go out with other girls. He shouldn't have done that.
                        Last edited by Dazed & Confused; January 31st, 2019, 05:30 AM.
                        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Go to couples counseling or quit yur bitchin. How many threads are you going to make about this guy. You two are always at each other about something.
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                          Comment


                          • #14

                            Witch You played video games on your own time so I see your point.

                            It was very inconsiderate, insensitive and unkind to ignore that you were sick yet you cooked for him and he didn't help you. You need to talk to him about that and tell him how hurt and disappointed you were. It wasn't right for him to mistreat you like that. He made rude remarks which you need to mention. Also, mention that it wasn't safe for you to walk by yourself at night. Women in particular are prone to attack, assaults, etc. Men are prone to robbery (women, too), muggings and the like as well. Safety in numbers to be sure.

                            I think you need an at length in-person, mature, calm, non-shouting, nice voice conversation with your bf regarding that he should be able to trust you and that there's nothing going on with you and other guys no matter who they are. He should be convinced by now and he should intuitively trust you because you are worth trusting. Tell him you have earned his trust. Try telling him that.

                            Since he's using the passive aggressive method on you by punishing you by not helping you work in the kitchen together, this needs to be addressed because his behavior is unacceptable. If he continues behaving this way, this is a problem.

                            Then he acts as if everything is normal as days pass by. Next, he tells you how excited he is for Valentine's Day and that you'll love what he got for you. Since he's not the one to discuss important issues with you, show interest resolving concerns, continues to sweep it under the rug, you need to rethink your relationship with him. If he continues to behave this way long term, you need to ask yourself if you're willing to tolerate him as is. Ask yourself if you want to remain with him faults, flaws and all which are irreparable. Those are hard questions you need to ask yourself if your bf is not willing to change and improve for himself, you and your relationship.
                            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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