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Struggling with my ex!

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  • Struggling with my ex!

    My ex broke up with me in November, looking back i honestly dont blame him, wed gotten to a point where we were not getting on as best we could. I like everyone had issues, id began to rely on him for my sorce of happiness and was mad when i wasnt getting what i felt i deserved. He was strugglinv with work stress and instead of working together we began to constantly argue. Since the break up we have remained friends and both talk almost every day. Ive been working a lot on myself and hes cut away his work stress. I saw him on Thursday as he asked to drop me home from work, which was sweet. Since then we have been in constant contact. Making jokes, flirting and stuff. But i wanna work out how to get out of his friend zone and get him to look at me like a potential partner again. I know we both care and love one another. But i inderstand he is probably scared and wondering if i will just fall back. But he honestly means the world to me and as a 26 year old i have dated before but never felt this after a break up. I honestly know we could make it work but im trying to not over pressure him or rush him. Any advice is welcome

    Last edited by SarahLancaster; January 13th, 2019, 04:14 PM. Reason: email removed

  • #2
    Lady_Rose You need patience; lots of patience! Once someone loses trust in a person's personality or character, it's really difficult to regain that same level of trust again. When I say "trust," I'm not referring to cheating. I'm referring to a person's personality (or character). The reason is because the person who was engaged in constant arguing, doesn't wish to relive it in the future so this is why the person (your ex in this case) feels wary and jaded. He's still distrustful of you. He's afraid to dip his toe back into the water so to speak. He doesn't want to take anymore chances regarding unpleasant memories. It is human nature to tread lightly after negative experiences with another person (you in this case).

    Establish friendship all over again and take baby steps. Don't have any high hopes nor expectations. Just go with the flow and see where it takes you. Don't pressure nor rush him otherwise he'll run away from you.

    Be a good, very nice friend. Be easy going, exercise self-control with whatever you say & write, be a gracious lady, possess empathy, be considerate and very respectful. Have integrity and treat him with dignity. This is how you create a foundation of trust. Give it a lot of time. It won't happen overnight. Patience is key.

    Both of you can heal and recover if you take it slow. (Pray a lot and ask for wisdom and strength as you navigate yourself.)

    Friendships and / or relationships require effort to constantly improve and do better. You can do it. Remain calm, poised, have aplomb, show grace, be careful and behave properly. You'll get there so practice changing. He'll see the change in you and make sure you are perceived as SINCERE. Think long and hard, change your ways and you'll be alright.


    • #3
      Its not a good idea to get back into a relationship with him. You became far too codependent and it was too much for him. That is where you will be heading again of you get back with him and again it will end up in another break-up. You need your own Independence now. You need your space to build up that independence. Staying in contact so much is not helping you at all. It's OK to talk as friends once in a while, but not constant and every day, and certainly stop the flirting because its putting you in a false sense of hope.
      Last edited by Dazed & Confused; January 15th, 2019, 03:53 AM.
      I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


      • #4
        Accept the break up. Neither of you have taken time out to grieve it.
        Your ex is grieving in a way that doesn’t work for you and giving you false hope of reconciliation.

        Distance yourself from him. Flirting on his behalf just makes him feel temporarily better about his decision.

        You are only “friends” until one of you start dating someone else.
        You are filling a gap.

        If there was ever a chance of reconciliation it would be after a significant amount of time apart .
        While you stay in close contact , prepare to remain superficial friends only.


        • #5
          I ask that God gives you wisdom in how to proceed with this relationship. If he is not the man for you or if the timing is not right, I ask that you have strength to move on or be patient in this process. Being in a relationship can be a wonderful thing; however, relationships take a lot of hard work. Keep building your friendship and trust; work on your communication with each other. Enjoy the process and if it develops into a committed relationship again, use what you have learned during this process to strengthen your relationship. Don’t stress out about it. Sending hugs your way.


          • #6
            I don't suggest keeping in contact any longer. Your intentions don't really measure up with healing time and finding yourselves again after the break up. You may tell yourself that it's a unique situation and admire yourself at how much you love this individual that you both can still be friends after the fact but I don't think it's healthy and I don't think you both are doing right by either of you. If he wants to be with you like a man wants to be with a woman, he'd act like a gentleman and less of a skittish horse prancing around the field while you look at him quizzically wondering if he's dancing or having a fit. Put this behind you, both of you. You owe it to yourselves to move forward and distance yourselves a little.