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How to maintain STRONG relationship

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  • How to maintain STRONG relationship

    I've been with my boyfriend together for a year and I think we've got "used to" ourselves a bit. There is no longer such a strong feeling as in the first months. Can we change it somehow? I would like the relationship to be just as great as at the beginning.

  • #2
    Describe how it was in the beginning as opposed to now.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Keep appreciating each other. You'll keep growing. At least you should. If you stop growing, start again. It's easy to be swayed and taken in by daily life and routines and even your partner's likes or dislikes. You should stay true to yourself and keep returning to your roots, remembering who you are and what your purpose in life is. Don't ever confuse your purpose with your relationship. Relationships generally stagnate when one or both partners stay stuck in limbo or stuck in time. Good luck.

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      • #4
        bullet_girl I agree with Rose. Learn to appreciate and be grateful for one another. It's easy to take each other for granted. Keep in mind though, this effort together must be from both sides; not just one-sided otherwise it won't work. Feelings must be mutual, respectful and there needs to be a level of maturity.

        Also, enjoy being together, have outings, date nights, do things together and don't always be shut-ins. Mix it up otherwise you'll get stuck in a rut.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          I will give an example, we talked all day before, and now very little, or ate together often, we went out together somewhere, and now nothing. Hmm, so should I talk to him honestly about our current situation?

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          • #6
            I think if your relationship has fizzled so early on then it's not meant to be.

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            • #7
              I agree with Dazed ^^^^.

              You've had a good run, but you don't have enough to hold you together. You can talk to him about it, but I'm guessing it won't do much good.
              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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              • #8
                Originally posted by bullet_girl View Post
                I will give an example, we talked all day before, and now very little, or ate together often, we went out together somewhere, and now nothing. Hmm, so should I talk to him honestly about our current situation?
                bullet_girl Yes, talk to him honestly about your current situation and how you feel about it. If he's willing to work on the relationship and improve, it's a good sign and if he lacks enthusiasm to put forth the effort for you and both of you, nothing will change. You'll have to ask yourself if you're willing to hang on to a relationship that's growing stale.

                Also, keep in mind that all relationships including marriages will go through phases. There's the honeymoon phase and when you get comfortable with each other, just because there's a lull, it doesn't mean it's complete doldrums. Life isn't constantly EXCITING 24 / 7. There are peaks and valleys, highs and lows. Whenever there is calm, comfort and peace, it doesn't necessarily mean there is trouble brewing in the relationship. A lot of couples are content when life is routine and peaceful.

                The secret is to keeping the spark alive is learn to appreciate each other, thank each other, compliment each other, tell each other "I love you" a lot, don't take each other for granted, talk it out when need be, do special things for each other, go out once in a while to keep it fresh and mix it up.

                And, don't think you always have to be in couple mode. Be independent, too with your own interests, hobbies, sports, friends and be your own person. Don't always be stuck together all the time otherwise both of you will become bored. There should be balance.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                • #9
                  Right, thanks. "There are peaks and valleys, highs and lows" that's deep ... and good. maybe we just go through a phase. I will talk to him honestly tomorrow, but I am going to apply the method that my friend recommended to me to bring the right atmosphere between us to talk.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by bullet_girl View Post
                    Right, thanks. "There are peaks and valleys, highs and lows" that's deep ... and good. maybe we just go through a phase. I will talk to him honestly tomorrow, but I am going to apply the method that my friend recommended to me to bring the right atmosphere between us to talk.
                    bullet_girl Yes, depending on the circumstances, relationships go up and down. Sometimes there are reasons such as health and / or money. Whenever life is smooth as gravy, people are lovey dovey. Whenever life is stressed, then there isn't any brain space for lovey dovey feelings.

                    You are correct, the right atmosphere is important to have a heart-to-heart discussion. Another tip, is never have these talks on an empty stomach because people are irritable when they're hungry while you're trying to have a serious talk with them. Make sure the atmosphere is calm, NOT noisy with a bunch of distractions and quiet. Put the phones away, concentrate and focus on the conversation. The conversation deserves the respect of zero distractions and interruptions. Eye contact is important, too. There should be no ADD going on (attention deficit disorders). Get to the bottom of this and find out what's really bothering him because you can't read his mind. Then from there, work together to resolve it and work on it. It requires a lot of patience, compassion and at the same time fairness, too. Also, working on relationships has to be reasonable.

                    Always make sure you're with the right person regarding personality and character. A mature, intelligent person changes for the better to make relationships harmonious. An immature, unintelligent, selfish person will not change in a million years. Know who you're dealing with first and then take it from there.
                    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by bullet_girl View Post
                      Right, thanks. "There are peaks and valleys, highs and lows" that's deep ... and good. maybe we just go through a phase. I will talk to him honestly tomorrow, but I am going to apply the method that my friend recommended to me to bring the right atmosphere between us to talk.

                      The right atmosphere doesn't matter. If the relationship has faded out then all that's left to do is acknowledge it and accept it, then move on. No certain atmosphere is going to change anything. Just ask him outright that the deal is.

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                      • #12
                        Creating a safe and open environment is important. If one or both partners don't feel safe, communication tends to shut down. Different people interpret things differently and tones may be stronger to some than others or misunderstood creating more tension and unnecessary misunderstanding. Be clear with each other and tactful.

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                        • #13
                          Okey, even if it does not matter, I did it and a few other things. I will talk to him right now, wish me luck!

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                          • #14
                            A quote from Mr. Spock to Stahn, the man who got between Spock and his betrothed: "you may find that HAVING is not so pleasing a thing as WANTING". That of course was written by a regular person here on Earth in the 1960's and not out there in space somewhere. It is a bit of timeless wisdom. WANTING is what motivates us all. It makes us FEEL uncertainty and hope. When it changes to HAVING, the WANT can disappear. The key is to find out how to keep WANT alive in a relationship. I think that takes a couple to have separate interests that occupy them individually so that there isn't just extensive periods of aimlessness where our failings begin to become all to visible to each other. That is often when WANT for something or someONE else begin. It's hard to refresh want of each other after complacency or, at worst, contempt starts to creep in. Essentially, WANT is better than HAVING--or at least better than having too much of someone else's presence. You might make him start wanting you more by occupying yourself with other interests. It will show whether he cares to HAVE you.

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                            • #15
                              Good luck!

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