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  • Girlfriend lied about her past sexual encounters. I donít trust her anymore

    My girlfriend and I are both 20 and have been together for 7 months.

    We have had a good relationship so far. I have been sexually active for 4 years but nothing crazy. I made out with like 15 girls and slept with 3. She told me that she was a virgin before we met and only made out with a few guys. We dated for 2 months before we had sex for the first time. There was no blood, apparently that can happen (and no Iím not small).

    We talked about previous encounters multiple times until 3 days ago she let it slip that she has seen multiple dicks. I kept pressuring her until she told me that she has laid naked next to 3 guys before we met but assured me that nothing happened. I kept asking because I canít understand how you can lie next to each other and nothing happens. Then she told me that she gave one of the three a handjob and he fingered her but apparently neither of them came. Also the few guys she made out with turned out to be more than 20.
    I want to clarify that I donít care that she has had previous encounters since Iíve had my own but that she lied to me multiple times while Iíve been completely honest with her.

    A few other things have bothered me in the past.

    1. She has two guy friends from back home who she texts everyday. She reads all of my text but I donít really read all of hers since she texts so much everyday and I donít wanna spend half an hour every other day catching up on her texts.
    So 4 months into our relationship I glance at her phone and see a text from that guy friend to hear that he is surprised that she has a bf. So we have been dating for 4 months and she hadnít told that guy she texts every single day that she is in a committed relationship!?

    2. We were out clubbing a few weeks ago and she spotted a candidate from that bachelorette tv show. She goes completely insane takes 20+ pictures of the guy when he isnít looking and sends them to 10+ of her girlfriends, all while Iím standing next to her.

    3. She follows all these hot guys on instagram according to her ďcompletely stalks themĒ and sends their profiles to her girlfriends and they talk about how hot/cute they are.


    I confronted her about all those issues. She told that I can trust her. She has been crying a lot lately and I felt bad and told her so I said that I will try to get over my doubts but Iím not sure I can.

    What do you think? What should I do?

  • #2
    Originally posted by Zarujar View Post
    She told me that she was a virgin before we met and only made out with a few guys.

    We talked about previous encounters multiple times until 3 days ago she let it slip that she has seen multiple dicks. I kept pressuring her until she told me that she has laid naked next to 3 guys before we met but assured me that nothing happened. I kept asking because I can't understand how you can lie next to each other and nothing happens. Then she told me that she gave one of the three a handjob and he fingered her but apparently neither of them came.

    I want to clarify that I don't care that she has had previous encounters since I've had my own but that she lied to me multiple times while I've been completely honest with her.
    I think you should let this one go. I'm not surprised that she lied to you, she probably thought that you couldn't handle the truth and it seems that she was right.

    Why are you talking about previous encounters multiple times? These conversations rarely end well, you should just steer clear from them.



    Originally posted by Zarujar View Post
    1. She has two guy friends from back home who she texts everyday. She reads all of my text but I don't really read all of hers since she texts so much everyday and I don't wanna spend half an hour every other day catching up on her texts.
    This one is a little strange. You should explain to her (calmly, face to face, like an adult) that it makes you uncomfortable that she texts these guys every day. If she just flips you off with ''they're only friends'' then explain to her that regardless it still makes you uncomfortable. If she's not willing to make any changes then it's a clear indicator that she's not really bothered about your feelings.

    Also, why is she reading all of your texts? Is this something that she insists upon? It's bloody rich of her to be giving you grief about not trusting her if this is the case.



    Originally posted by Zarujar View Post
    2. We were out clubbing a few weeks ago and she spotted a candidate from that bachelorette tv show. She goes completely insane takes 20+ pictures of the guy when he isnít looking and sends them to 10+ of her girlfriends, all while Iím standing next to her.

    3. She follows all these hot guys on instagram according to her ďcompletely stalks themĒ and sends their profiles to her girlfriends and they talk about how hot/cute they are.
    Whilst I don't think these are major issues, it is disrespectful of her to do these things in front of you. Again, potentially shows that she's not too bothered about hurting your feelings.



    Last edited by whatshappeningreg; January 7th, 2019, 12:15 PM.
    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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    • #3
      Talking about your sexual histories is something that almost never ends well. It's always difficult to imagine your significant other with someone else, so as a general rule of thumb I'd say you should definitely steer away from conversations about your histories. I understand you might be curious, but ultimately sexual history is not something your partner has to fully share with you (beyond any health or STD info anyways). What happened between her and her past partners is between her and her past partners. I don't think she is maybe lying outright, but didn't feel comfortable sharing so much at the beginning of you relationship versus now.

      I agree with the other poster, it's weird she is reading your text messages. That's a personal boundary I dont think she should be crossing, even if you are okay with it. It just indicates she doesn't trust you, and that's not fair.

      As the other poster said, you need to just tell her you are uncomfortable with her constantly texting two other guys and her obsession with other men. She should respect your feelings and at least hear you out.

      Comment


      • #4
        There seems to be a difference in maturity. I don't think either of you are bad people. It seems young women are increasingly judged for the their sexual histories especially by their younger male peers and partners. I don't think that's what you're doing but I'm mentioning this because young women tend to be fearful of exposing their experiences or what they've done because of being judged or written off. Try to put all that aside if you care for her and close one eye to those details. Yes, I think she's insecure. And yes, I also think that's the basis of her "lies". I do not agree with lies in general and if you don't feel good, you definitely should listen to your gut instincts.

        In my mind, she seeks attention from men and I'm more inclined to believe this is immaturity rather than recklessness or intentional harm. She may not be fully aware either that her behaviours (in a relationship) are damaging. Explain it carefully to her if you care about her or perceive that she's able enough to comprehend these concepts within a relationship. If you don't gauge that she's able to, I'd be honest with her, don't go too much into why you dislike her or her behaviours, remain civil and part ways.

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        • #5
          One question: Why were you talking about past sexual encounters?

          Another one: She did tell you the truth eventually and you don't believe her. What difference does it make?

          One more: You are not a virgin so why are you judging her?

          Finally: Like Reg mentioned... If you don't like her talking to these guys every day then why don't you talk to her about it and... If you're going to invade her phone, why not talk to her about what you've read that has you so insecure?
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

          Comment


          • #6
            Zarujar you're kidding right? If you're serious then I wonder why the girl is with you. You are insufferable and quite frankly pathetic. It's no wonder she didn't tell you about her past encounters, your are acting like a complete asshole about it. I'm in no doubt that you were the one that initiated the whole conversation. You are clueless about female virginity. You didn't know that you have to physically break through a barrier in order for her to lose her virginity. Didn't you realise there was no barrier?

            1. She has two guy friends back home, no big deal. If it bothers you, tell her, like others have suggested.
            2. Seeing someone famous and taking pics is normal behavior. You complaining about that is pathetic.
            ​​​​​​3. Sharing pics of cute guys with her friends may be something she is doing for a single friend who is looking for a boyfriend or something. Sharing pics doesn't mean anything but again, if it bothers you, tell her. .

            Stop being such an asshole because you are hurting her and you will end up losing her.
            Last edited by Dazed & Confused; January 7th, 2019, 07:15 PM.
            I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

            Comment


            • #7
              Zarujar Stop focusing on her past which is history. She's with you now so concentrate on your relationship with her today and move forward otherwise you will lose her.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                She didnít lie!?

                She said she was a virgin which was true.
                She said she made out with a few which was also true.

                The only thing thatís changed is that you found out she was naked next to those few and the details .
                But she didnít lie , you simply got details of her truth.

                You think a girl and guy canít lie naked next to each other without having intercourse?
                Well try telling a judge that in court in a rape case! Irrespective of who claims to have been raped , male or female.

                She made out with 3 guys , remained a virgin.
                You had sexual intercourse with 3 girls.
                And you are judging her? Why???
                Last edited by Maggiemay4791; January 8th, 2019, 06:10 AM.

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                • #9
                  Zarujar, As a man, you have the right to know how many men your significant other has had sex with. Aside from STDs, women who have sex with 6 men are 3 times more likely to be in emotionally unstable relationships. As the number increases from 6 so does the instability. At your age, there is no reason for you to have to deal with emotional instability from such a young woman.

                  As for the guy friends, that is tricky. If she lied about having sex, she could be lying about her relationships with these guys. Or she could be telling the truth. On many occasions, I was the guy the woman continued calling and texting. Those women had sex with me on multiple occasions. Yet, each of them told their current boyfriend that they were only good friends who never experienced intimacy with me.

                  I am not attempting to scare you. At the same time, on too many occasions, I have been that other guy. I have seen women do incredibly low things to sisters, friends, boyfriends and husbands. My intention is to warn you. Women have the same sexual interests as men.

                  With all that said, everyone here can only judge based on their past experience, me included. You need to speak with her. You have the right to know the truth about everything. If she canít give you honesty, simply see her as a piece of ass. Do not get attached.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Almost Yoda View Post
                    Zarujar, As a man, you have the right to know how many men your significant other has had sex with. Aside from STDs, women who have sex with 6 men are 3 times more likely to be in emotionally unstable relationships. As the number increases from 6 so does the instability. At your age, there is no reason for you to have to deal with emotional instability from such a young woman.

                    As for the guy friends, that is tricky. If she lied about having sex, she could be lying about her relationships with these guys. Or she could be telling the truth. On many occasions, I was the guy the woman continued calling and texting. Those women had sex with me on multiple occasions. Yet, each of them told their current boyfriend that they were only good friends who never experienced intimacy with me.

                    I am not attempting to scare you. At the same time, on too many occasions, I have been that other guy. I have seen women do incredibly low things to sisters, friends, boyfriends and husbands. My intention is to warn you. Women have the same sexual interests as men.

                    With all that said, everyone here can only judge based on their past experience, me included. You need to speak with her. You have the right to know the truth about everything. If she canít give you honesty, simply see her as a piece of ass. Do not get attached.
                    She didnít lie!!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      On many occasions, I was the guy the woman continued calling and texting. Those women had sex with me on multiple occasions. Yet, each of them told their current boyfriend that they were only good friends who never experienced intimacy with me.
                      What a POS YOU are.
                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        He is also full of shit.
                        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Almost Yoda View Post
                          Zarujar, As a man, you have the right to know how many men your significant other has had sex with.
                          No, you don't.



                          Originally posted by Almost Yoda View Post
                          women who have sex with 6 men are 3 times more likely to be in emotionally unstable relationships. As the number increases from 6 so does the instability.
                          I'm convinced you pull all of your 'statistics' out of your arse.



                          Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            It seems you ladies are oblivious to science and the design of human beings. As much as you want to believe men and women are equal, we are not. A manís DNA is left in a womanís vaginal walls. More importantly, his sperm leaves a DNA footprint in a womanís brain. You ladies do not affect us the same way.

                            If you could image what happens to a woman who is promiscuous. She has the residue of many men inside her. Therefore, as a man, I want to know what Iím getting into. So every man should find out how many men a woman has had sex with. Her emotional stability can be an asset or liability.

                            Besides, why would any woman defend promiscuity? Are you ladies strippers and prostitutes? There are more sexually transmitted diseases that affect women and not men.


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                            • #15
                              *laughing here*
                              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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