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  • Boyfriend has a fake instagram account

    I found out about it last week and Iíve been anxious since.
    He was openly using his phone while laying in bed with me, when I spotted the IG notification that one of his followed was starting a live. I noticed one second later that the account wasnít the one I know and follow. Unfortunately, I remembered about it and searched for it. We are both white people but he is into black girls, and it turned out that he uses that fake profile to follow a lot of black models, influencers and even normal girls. At first, I didnít make it a problem. He once told me that he doesnít like porn videos, that he enjoys softcore pictures more so it made sense to me. Weíre even having some sex issues and even if it hurts a bit, I can understand it that heís not satisfied and needs to make do.
    The thing is that, a second later, I started to think ďwhat if he is using this to dm those girls/comment/do something disrespectful that he wants to hideĒ? He didnít even clearly told me that he just follows girls he is attracted to; he made up an excuse, maybe he was embarassed about it, I donít know. I asked him tho ďyouíre not using that fake to text other girls, right? It would really hurt me.Ē and his answer was ďif you say so it means you havenít understand the kind of person I am. And of course it would hurt you, itís normal and Iím not doing thatĒ.
    I spent this week drowning in doubts, fears, checking that fake out everyday. The fact that he didít speak the truth made me feel so insecure... Iím just afraid that he told me those things without meaning them, just because he doesnít know that I know and he wouldnít feel like doing something wrong by commenting some pictures or replying to some girlís story.
    I feel stupid because he could do the same even with his ďofficialĒ account and hiding that to me, because I never look at his messages, phone calls or social media. But the fact that he has a fake and thatís even private worried me a lot.
    I donít even know why I decided to share this, I just needed to vent I guess.

  • #2
    Look at the actions, not the words. A lot of men who are "found out" will blatantly lie to your face and sound so sincere doing it. You saw the evidence. He has a thing for black women, and is trying to garner their attention, or worse, develop some kind of relationship with them. Don't let him try to whitewash or minimize or deny this. It's unfaithful to be hiding a fake profile and communicating with other women through it. Time to dump the guy. Find someone you can trust.

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    • #3
      Are you saying that you didn't tell him you knew about his fake account? If you are, WTF wouldn't you talk to him about THAT instead of being so coy and saying some kind of "would you?" BS?

      If you want to be in a good relationship with a man you can trust then you better learn to be open, honest and NOT afraid to communicate.

      If you did tell him you know about his other account, what did he have to say about that?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        Mary, she has no proof that he has been communicating with other women. He denies it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he does actually. If some e has a fake account then they are sure to be hiding something.
        ​​​​​​
        Last edited by Dazed & Confused; December 8th, 2018, 07:46 PM.

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        • #5
          Has it been an issue for you that he likes black girls before?
          If he followed these girls on Instagram on his regular genuine account would that have posed a problem between you ?
          Could it be that what he is hiding is simply following and only using a second account to prevent a recurring argument?

          Is his account actually fake ?
          As in is he pretending to be black or someone else?

          Or is it simply that he has a second account that you were unaware of? But using his own pictures etc?

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
            Mary, she has no proof that he has been communicating with other women. He denies it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he does actually. If some e has a fake account then they are sure to be hiding something.
            ​​​​​​
            Well, people can and do communicate on Instagram. The fact that he has a fake account goes to show he is being deceptive. Not a good sign that he has so much interest in other women, and is secretly following/communicating with women on there. No point in trying to salvage a relationship with someone who has poor boundaries with other women.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Mary View Post

              Well, people can and do communicate on Instagram. The fact that he has a fake account goes to show he is being deceptive. Not a good sign that he has so much interest in other women, and is secretly following/communicating with women on there. No point in trying to salvage a relationship with someone who has poor boundaries with other women.
              The OP has yet to clarify if his second Instagram account is fake or not.
              It might just be a second but genuine account as in he is not falsifying details about himself.

              many people have second accounts that they use personally to allow freedom to click like on a pic without being judged by work colleagues etc. They keep their primary account to a minimum.
              Its become that way because future employers do actually check these things.
              Last edited by Maggiemay4791; December 8th, 2018, 10:24 PM.

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              • #8
                I agree with Mary. This is a bit ridiculous. He's staring at other women for no other means other than to ogle and possibly beat off to or soft porn himself all over on. It doesn't matter if the women are white, black, purple, brown or off white. The fact is he is using that account in a secretive and duplicitous manner to look at individuals of the opposite sex because the OP sussed it out or had to find out about it herself. There is no indication in the OP's post that the boyfriend came out and told her about it. He just turned the conversation on her accusing her of potentially not knowing the kind of person he is. If he had a second account I think his girlfriend should know about it and vice versa. It would disturb anyone to know that their partner had doubles or multiples of email addresses, instagram accounts, facebook accounts, a second heating bill or mortgage or lease or whatever. Please. Get yourself out of this, girl, and spare him any conversation. I disagree that this warrants any further conversation. If he chooses to keep the profiles and soft porn of real, active and interactive individuals, DUMP HIM. This is a screaming red flag.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post
                  Has it been an issue for you that he likes black girls before?
                  If he followed these girls on Instagram on his regular genuine account would that have posed a problem between you ?
                  Could it be that what he is hiding is simply following and only using a second account to prevent a recurring argument?

                  Is his account actually fake ?
                  As in is he pretending to be black or someone else?

                  Or is it simply that he has a second account that you were unaware of? But using his own pictures etc?
                  He has no photos on it, just the name is fake.
                  Iím a very insecure person, he has always been really open about his tastes but I admit that I didnít react well, I started with ďyou donít like me enoughĒ kind of bullshit. I feel like my body is not that attractive to him, compared to the ones owned by those beautiful ladies - even though he tells me all the time that Iím beautiful and he likes me etc.
                  And Iím pretty sure that he created that fake account a long time before we even met (weíve been togheter for two months).

                  phasesofthemoon I know I shoul talk to him, but it really feels difficult to me. Not because heís someone you canít discuss with (heís always understanding and reassuring), but because I find it hard to talk about how I feel since I really fear arguments. In my previous relationships every single thing used to end up with a fight, I donít wanna do that anymore. Furthermore, weíre still knowing each other and maybe I donít feel in confidence yet.
                  But I know I must talk.


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                  • #10
                    Nothing will get resolved if you dont talk. You've got to have communication a relationship, you don't which is why you have ended up so insecure. He's been open and honest so I don't think he's communicating with anyone else or seeing anyone else. It's time to talk it out.
                    ​​​​

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by tinybee View Post
                      I know I shoul talk to him, but it really feels difficult to me. Not because heís someone you canít discuss with (heís always understanding and reassuring), but because I find it hard to talk about how I feel since I really fear arguments.
                      If this is how you move forward, you might as well end the relationship now.
                      Not one single relationship can survive long term without communication. And the sooner you both work on your communication skills and find a way to talk without fighting, the better.
                      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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                      • #12
                        I really donít see his second Instagram account as fake or secretive.
                        He hasnít used a fake picture pretending to be someone else. He has just used a nickname on that account which is no different to someone subscribing to a porn site with a nickname.

                        He simply is using a second account as a fantasy. I bet none of his friends or family are following him on it , itís just used for random pics , people to follow , people are allowed to have fantasies without displaying them to family, friends, work colleagues etc.

                        OP, tell him you noticed it and ask him about it.
                        If you canít, then donít date him. You have only known him 8 weeks and this is causing you a lot of anxiety it seems.
                        This is more about your self esteem than anything else.

                        You canít control pictures he googles etc.
                        It sounds like he has had this account since before he met you , yet he has been dating you for 8 weeks. Why are you allowing this to bother you so much?

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by tinybee View Post

                          He has no photos on it, just the name is fake.
                          Iím a very insecure person, he has always been really open about his tastes but I admit that I didnít react well, I started with ďyou donít like me enoughĒ kind of bullshit. I feel like my body is not that attractive to him, compared to the ones owned by those beautiful ladies - even though he tells me all the time that Iím beautiful and he likes me etc.
                          And Iím pretty sure that he created that fake account a long time before we even met (weíve been togheter for two months).

                          phasesofthemoon I know I shoul talk to him, but it really feels difficult to me. Not because heís someone you canít discuss with (heís always understanding and reassuring), but because I find it hard to talk about how I feel since I really fear arguments. In my previous relationships every single thing used to end up with a fight, I donít wanna do that anymore. Furthermore, weíre still knowing each other and maybe I donít feel in confidence yet.
                          But I know I must talk.

                          Walking on egg shells and being unable to communicate? Well, you relationship isn't going to last if you don't have the confidence to communicate. You know this though as you say "I know I must talk."

                          A simple: "Why do you have a secret instagram account?" and then waiting to hear his answer should suffice to get you to figure out if he's worth staying with or not. There is NO sense staying with someone you can't trust or who isn't honest with you.

                          Its best to find out now after only two short months whether he is worth staying with rather than suffer in your doubt about him from here on out. Which you will (suffer like you are now that is) if you don't trust him or get to the bottom of why he needs a fake account.
                          Last edited by phasesofthemoon; December 10th, 2018, 04:16 PM.
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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