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  • Need Some Relationship Advice

    Hello I am 25 years old and I am in 5 year relationship with my boyfriend who is also 25. Iím currently in grad school getting my masters (currently have 2 degrees getting my masters will be my 3rd degree) and work part time and recently open my own business. My boyfriend currently is not working or in school drop out of a semester havenít been in school for the past 4 years but he do music. And have been juggling with jobs for 3 or 4 years. He hasnít been able to stay with a job for no more than 6 months. The last stable job he had was probably 3 years ago I really donít remember. We donít go on date at all out of the whole 5 years we been together I can say we only been 5 or 10 dates. And when we do Iím the one thatís always paying. Heíll pay when he can but majority of the time Iím the one paying. He says the reason why he donít want to go on dates because he is stressed from not having a job and his parents and how they antagonize him about not having a job and how his life is stressful. Which I understand but I always telling him, it shouldnít allow him not to have a good time with me. Which is why I stop asking him to go out cause I already know what heíll say (I donít have money or donít want to be around people). Every year since we been together, for his birthday and Christmas I always get him gifts to show him how much I care and love. I know he doesnít have money but I feel like he doesnít put in the same effort Iím materialistic but I would like to feel appreciated. We donít celebrate Valentineís Day cause I donít expect any gift from him every year. He do say heíll try and see if he come up try but that doesnít go through. Whenever I visit him or he picks me up all we do at his house is chill in his room (Netflix and chill in a sense). He says since heís unable to get me stuff or do things with me all he can offer is sex (which in my opinion is not what I want only in a relationship). He always saying he wants to go back to school but doesnít know what steps he need to take. I helped him with the process off school application and financial aid. All he has to do was to send off his documents from his old college and high school to the school he wants to attend. Iíve constantly been reminding him to send off his documents but he either forget or around that time he was working but he has to give his parent his paycheck for rent, semester has already began I tell him since you couldnít attend fall youíll have to attend spring. The deadline is approaching and I have reminded him but he says he have to find a way to get around. Currently he doesnít have a car anymore because it doesnít work. He uses his mother car to get around but his mother donít want him using her car. I had a car but recently gotten into a accident and my car got totaled. I am in the process of getting another car. Ever since this year started we have constantly been having arguments. We never argue before, we have our disagreement on things but us yelling at each other and calling out of my name is a first we ever experience. He recently lost his job in August and he is looking for another job. But he says he doesnít like working under another person. Iím always telling him if thatís not what you want to do than whatís do he wants to do. He says he wants to maybe open his own business. But he doesnít know what he wants to do. He says he recently gotten a job at his sister job will be starting soon. On his spare time he either doing his music, watching anime, playing computer games, watching tv, working out or smoking weed. I feel like my life right now is going good and heís not at a level where I think he should. He always say he wants kids but he knows at this time it is not the right time for us. And we want to get a place together but I feel like he needs to get his life situated before we can move in together. I currently live with 4 roommates in a apartment. I really do love him very much and always say I donít see myself with anyone but him but I donít know what to do. Any advice?

  • #2
    Sara,

    First of all, congratulations on all of your hard work and success. There is no doubt you will reach your professional goals.

    Unfortunately, it's time to face the reality that your boyfriend is preventing you from reaching your personal and family goals. You are dating a BOY who isn't ready to grow up and may NEVER be ready to grow up. You can love him and remind him and push him, but until he decides he is ready to grow up, nothing is going to change.

    Therefore, you have three options.

    1) Keep doing what you're doing and hope that he changes.
    2) Accept that he is just a boy and love him for who he is. Accept that you will always be the adult who pays the bills, takes care of the household, raises the kids, and takes care of everything.
    3) Accept that he is just a boy but that you need a MAN in your life. Then end the relationship and keep advancing toward you goals.

    I encourage you to choose number 3.

    Good luck

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    • #3
      He is a lazy deadbeat.. What the hell are you doing with him? He will never change because he doesn't want to change. He has no motivation to follow anything through. This is not a man you have have any future prospects with. You deserve better.

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      • #4
        It's only his way, some people abre bon vivant, some others like to work and make things happen. One thing I can ensure: he will not change, and probably will be living like this during the years to come. Unless that he has a real motivation, like having a little business in something related with his hobbies, I doubt that you're going to see any changes.

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        • #5
          Are you for real? No scrubs, baby. No scrubs. You got this.

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          • #6
            Princess-sara-9 Ditch the loser. You certainly can do better. You have more to offer, you're very accomplished and need to be evenly yoked with a man who is in your league.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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