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How far should I undestaned my hubby's friendship with his female collegue

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  • How far should I undestaned my hubby's friendship with his female collegue

    I have been married 3 years and dated 5 years before marriege. I am 32, and he is 31years old. There is his female collegue called S. S is quite attractive and also native english speaker. (I am not, i have not many problems talikng to my husband but i find it hard to talk about complicated issue like politics or history etc) My husbad is getting along with her and best buddy at work. He refers her she is on the level. Also he said he feels like having a good weapon because she is loved by all men at work.
    There was a period she texted and called my husband for her privet issule like talking about her tinder relationship issue.
    Well she stopped now. I was a bit annoyed at that time, but didnt say anything. also they went to a bar while we were seperated becasue of my job for 3 month. Anyway she becomes my friend too.

    This week, he had dinner after work with her twice right after i left to my parents house. And i am really upset this time. He keep saying things like he wont do it if it upsets me. But He makes me some kind of friendship breaker here.

    Summery : my husband had dinner with female collegue twice right after i went to my parents place. They are quite close at work and she is attractive. How far should i understand my husband friendship with his collegue?

  • #2
    rusiya He said he won't do it if it upsets you. That's good. Hope he listens and respects you by remaining loyal only to you first and foremost. No, you're not a friendship breaker. Your husband needs to remain professional and polite with his colleague; no more no less. He should enforce healthy boundaries with his colleague and she should, too. He's married so he needs to behave properly.



    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      You're creating problems where there shouldn't be any.

      He says he won't go if you don't want him to.
      Okay, so tell him you don't feel comfortable and ask him not to go.
      It's not fair to keep your issues to yourself and resent him for spending time with her later. He's giving you the option to cancel their plans. Either take it, or let him go and don't complain about it.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        Ok, no wife would be particularly comfortable with this, but if he says he wont do it that's great, tell him that is what you want. Stop overthinking this. You are driving yourself crazy over nothing at the moment. You have to be 100% honest with him.

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        • #5
          I agree with most of what has already been said. Tell him you don't want him to do it, and since he said he won't do it if you say not to, he'll stop. You're not a friendship breaker, you're just a wife who is uncomfortable with her husband spending too much time with another female. That's perfectly normal, telling him you don't want him to have dinner with her after work (or spend any other amount of personal one on one time with her) is not unacceptable at all.

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          • #6
            As a married woman, I would not be comfortable if my husband behaved that way. The issue is that they are too close to each other, not just with going out to dinner. I would encourage him to look for male friends. Hopefully, he will spend less time with S. when he talks with male friends.

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            • #7
              Your husband seems like he needs some direction. Why are you so afraid to call the shots or lay down the law? It is your marriage. Break what you have to, honey.

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              • #8
                I feel if you are uncomfortable with their friendship, he should respect that. I would be uncomfortable with it. You are married so you are not being a friendship breaker. He should be professional with his colleague and not cross boundaries that you have set. If they are texting, calling, or having a meal, it should be about work. They should both respect your feelings.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by chinaandback View Post
                  I feel if you are uncomfortable with their friendship, he should respect that. I would be uncomfortable with it. You are married so you are not being a friendship breaker. He should be professional with his colleague and not cross boundaries that you have set. If they are texting, calling, or having a meal, it should be about work. They should both respect your feelings.

                  Thing is, OP has kept quiet about it so he didn't know how she felt. He sensed she was upset and said he wont do it if it upsets her. I'd say he DOES respect her feelings in that respect. His meetings with the colleague ARE about work. OP just needs to learn to voice her feelings to him more clearly.

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