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Sudden Lock on His Phone and Other Odd Things

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  • Sudden Lock on His Phone and Other Odd Things

    I've noticed some strange things about my boyfriend over the past month or so that have really begun to bother me and wanted to check whether or not I was crazy before confronting him and to get some advice on how I should go about confronting him.

    He has...

    1) Suddenly lost interest in our anniversary and said we don't need to get gifts or celebrate this year. Usually he gets excited about birthdays/special occasions. It feels weird that this year he doesn't care at all.

    2) Usually when we see each other he is falling asleep by 9:30 or earlier. However, he recently started staying up later to play video games when I leave or even once when I was there. (I also play the same video game, and he never asks to play with me; I have to ask him)

    3) He used to go to the gym every day after work but he stopped recently and goes straight home from work. He says he does this so he can play the game, but I don't think he always plays the game when he gets home.

    4) As of tonight, he added a password to his phone that has been set up for finger prints forever. When we first started dating three years ago he insisted that he wanted me to add my fingerprint to his phone so I could unlock it. I was indifferent about sharing passwords, but I shared mine too and that's how our relationship has been since the beginning. Tonight he said to go message our group chat for him using his phone, but when I picked it up he had added a lock to it. He gave me some weird excuse about the fingerprint lock not working for his finger anymore so he changed it. He didn't however, volunteer to tell me the new pattern and I didn't ask for it.

    I'm coming off one of the best stretches of our relationship I can remember having. I don't know why but I just feel discontent with him, and the things above happened and now I'm a little on edge. My gut says something is up, but I don't want to drag all this out and damage our relationship and make it seem like I don't trust him.

  • #2
    Nice to see you again, Witch. Sorry to hear about this. I'm not certain he's being disloyal to you. He does sound really broke though. Is there a chance that he's spending whatever free cash he can on this game buying credit or subscription or whatever? The money management seems off. Only you would know what's going on with his finances and the missed gifts. The lack of interest I think is game-related and he seems a bit obsessed with it. Why not ask for the password? I took off the fingerprint and password on my phone. For me it's silly and unnecessary (some people might not place the same importance on these things). How does he speak to you? Is it hurried or distracted?
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; November 8th, 2018, 12:51 AM.

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    • #3
      Personally I do value having my fingerprint access to my phone plus passcode.
      I do it whether single or not.
      There is never a valid reason for a partner to access your phone. But to me itís not about a partner having access , itís about anyone having access.
      Your phone in current day is your life! Its no longer about contacts or messaging.
      Itís your bank account , e mails , work , literally everything! I will never give anyone access to that. And I wonít apologise for it either.

      His lack of interest in your anniversary? Well things wane in time naturally. Sex life, dating, celebrating events.
      His staying up later might just be a symptom of that?

      He did ask you to use his phone. If there was anything untoward about you accessing his phone, he wouldnít have asked.
      I think he is innocent really, just perhaps got a bit lazy?

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      • #4
        I'm with Maggie... I wouldn't worry about the change in access to his phone. I would worry about him not wanting sex as much and rushing home to play a bloody video game though. You mentioned in your other thread that the sex has waned. If you're upset about not celebrating your anniversary then talk to him about it and even if you don't buy one another gifts (hubby and I don't do that anymore) the least you both could do is acknowledge the day by going out on some sort of date/dinner/something you both love to do.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          He used to be obssessed with this game a while ago, and it caused a lot of tension in our relationship. It's not a game that costs money to play, and I'm confident he doesnt spend money on it at all. He's very cheap, and complains about spending any amount of money on pretty much anything. He has been playing obsessively lately because the season ends on the 12th. I'm hoping that after that he'll cool it a little.

          I do feel better knowing he asked me to use his phone. You make a good point Maggie, he wouldn't ask me to do that if he didn't want me to look at it.

          As for Phases, the date/dinner would be great. When he made it clear he didn't want to do gifts I wasn't too bothered. Hes always been cheap, so we don't go out and do much of anything. I'd be happy just spending the day doing something we both like. Grabbing dinner, seeing a movie, etc. We talked briefly about camping, but when I showed him all the available camping reservations he said he didn't like any of the places I'd found. He didn't make an effort to find any place he did like though, not make any plan as to what we could do as an alternative.

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          • #6
            He didn't make an effort to find any place he did like though, not make any plan as to what we could do as an alternative.
            Did you ask him to take a look to see if there were any other sites that he would like? I know that would have been my first response to his rejection of all the one's I had found.

            He just sounds lazy and is beginning to take your relationship for granted. Don't let him make his taking for granted (if that is what it is) the new normal in your union. We all have to work together within our prospective relationships to keep things interesting and fun.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Witch View Post
              He used to be obssessed with this game a while ago, and it caused a lot of tension in our relationship. It's not a game that costs money to play, and I'm confident he doesnt spend money on it at all. He's very cheap, and complains about spending any amount of money on pretty much anything. He has been playing obsessively lately because the season ends on the 12th. I'm hoping that after that he'll cool it a little.

              I do feel better knowing he asked me to use his phone. You make a good point Maggie, he wouldn't ask me to do that if he didn't want me to look at it.

              As for Phases, the date/dinner would be great. When he made it clear he didn't want to do gifts I wasn't too bothered. Hes always been cheap, so we don't go out and do much of anything. I'd be happy just spending the day doing something we both like. Grabbing dinner, seeing a movie, etc. We talked briefly about camping, but when I showed him all the available camping reservations he said he didn't like any of the places I'd found. He didn't make an effort to find any place he did like though, not make any plan as to what we could do as an alternative.
              Witch , are you my sister? Lol
              Seriously my sister gave up on her husband ever buying her gifts or celebrating anniversaries years ago. Donít get me wrong , they have a good marriage and 2 beautiful kids.
              He is lazy though !

              Book a restaurant or a camp site and tell him to make sure he is free.
              He will enjoy it! Heís just to lazy to arrange it.

              I worry more about couples who do have open passwords , phone access etc.
              I donít think itís healthy at all! And people that advocate it are insecure in their own relationship.

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              • #8
                Lol I gave up kind of quick as far as gifts go because he's always been so cheap. I knew that going in though, so its hard to complain too much.

                He ended up doing something after all. He cooked fajitas Friday night and framed a couple of cards and photos from our past anniversaries as a gift. Saturday we went to a driving range and we ordered out for dinner. Not the worst anniversary, but it all kind of fell apart last night.

                I went home to do my own thing for a while. Later in the day he asks me to play a game with him but I had to do a little laundry/other misc. chores. I told him I'd get everything done and play the next game. He's also playing with my sister, brother, and sister in law. He finished his game, calls me (I couldnt answer right away I was handwashing a shirt, but I called him back ASAP) and waits about five minutes before jumping into another game with them. Usually I wouldn't care, but the games are 45 minutes apiece, and I was upset that I'd waited that long for him to play a game and he couldn't wait five minutes for me.

                I was also peeved because when I called him back he told me he was playing another and I could drive over while he was doing that. I was immediately upset and annoyed with him for not including me in the game I had waited to play with him, but also because he made me feel like he had no desire what so ever for me to play with him. He just handed out instructions to arrive at his house and wait for him to be done playing.

                Long story short, I did not go to his house at all last night and he hasn't talked to me since we argued last night. I feel like I might be overreacting, but it frankly bothers me a lot. I hate feeling like I'm not included in things or like people don't want to include me.

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                • #9
                  Seriously? You're getting all bent out of shape over a GAME? There are more important things in life than getting into a hissy over a dumb game which you come complaining about in a forum. Wake up. You also sound very ungrateful for the nice things he did for your anniversary.
                  Last edited by Dazed & Confused; November 12th, 2018, 02:43 PM.

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                  • #10
                    You're missing the point Dazed. Yeah, it's just a game, but we're both gamers. I wouldn't care if he just said he wanted to play one on his own for whatever reason, I'm upset because I waited to play one with him and he chose to play one with my friends and family but didn't include me. That's the equivalent of him getting together with my friends and family for a drink but not inviting me. Maybe its childish, but it's made me feel really sucky. I'm not throwing a hissy either. I could have blown up at him, but I'm honestly more hurt than anything else. I even texted this morning to smooth things over but he hasn't so much as texted me back despite the fact that he's been out of work for almost 3 hours.

                    I was grateful for the stuff he did for our anniversary but that doesn't give him a free pass to be a jerk.

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                    • #11
                      Over a GAME? You both seriously need to get a life and see there are more important things I'm the world and to a relationship than playing a game!

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Witch View Post
                        Lol I gave up kind of quick as far as gifts go because he's always been so cheap. I knew that going in though, so its hard to complain too much.

                        He ended up doing something after all. He cooked fajitas Friday night and framed a couple of cards and photos from our past anniversaries as a gift. Saturday we went to a driving range and we ordered out for dinner. Not the worst anniversary, but it all kind of fell apart last night.

                        I went home to do my own thing for a while. Later in the day he asks me to play a game with him but I had to do a little laundry/other misc. chores. I told him I'd get everything done and play the next game. He's also playing with my sister, brother, and sister in law. He finished his game, calls me (I couldnt answer right away I was handwashing a shirt, but I called him back ASAP) and waits about five minutes before jumping into another game with them. Usually I wouldn't care, but the games are 45 minutes apiece, and I was upset that I'd waited that long for him to play a game and he couldn't wait five minutes for me.

                        I was also peeved because when I called him back he told me he was playing another and I could drive over while he was doing that. I was immediately upset and annoyed with him for not including me in the game I had waited to play with him, but also because he made me feel like he had no desire what so ever for me to play with him. He just handed out instructions to arrive at his house and wait for him to be done playing.

                        Long story short, I did not go to his house at all last night and he hasn't talked to me since we argued last night. I feel like I might be overreacting, but it frankly bothers me a lot. I hate feeling like I'm not included in things or like people don't want to include me.
                        Well, I'm not you but I think you're over-reacting to the fact that he didn't wait for you. Had you not taken it so seriously then you could have drove over when you finished your chores and played the next game.

                        Sorry, but I think you, in this particular instance, are being a Princess about the whole thing and you cut off your own nose to spite your face.

                        I DO think it is immature of him not to respond to your text but hopefully hes smart and mature enough to talk to you face to face and not discuss any of it over text.
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                        • #13
                          I agree with phases. This is how my daughter and nephew behave over games. They game alot together over the computer and if one does something without the other, they behave like witch and her boyfriend lol

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                          • #14
                            I'm willing to concede that I'm probably overreacting, but its hard to ignore what I'm feeling. Gaming isn't just a hobby, it's one of our strongest common interests we share and part of the reason we fell in love in the first place. For the better part of my life, gaming has been how I socialize, connect, and stay in touch with people I care about. When we play we join a voice chat and use headsets to talk to one another, and we don't just talk about the game. We catch up on everyday things like work and the weather, but we also plan to do things altogether and as a group. i.e., when we played last weekend we ended up planning a biking trip for the next day where we all got to get outside and spend time together. Had we not played the game that night, we never would have talked and planned that. It's not just a "game" for us, it's a very social experience. When you dismiss it as just a game you're demeaning the whole experience. My brother, sister, our cousins and most of our in-laws all game together online via computer or Xbox. I wouldn't be half as close to the people I'm close with if we didn't play games together. Again, I'm probably overreacting over last night, but I can't help what I'm feeling.

                            Admittedly, I'm still kind of bitter about last weekend because I went to his house to hang out with him and spend some time together and he ended up playing a game with my circle of friends without me. Like I was literally three feet away from him in the middle of having a conversation when he interrupted to let me know he was playing a game with them. Mind you, I only get to see him for roughly two and a half hours a night before he falls asleep, and he decided to spend the majority of that time playing a game while I sat on his couch and twiddled my thumbs. It still blows my mind, because they literally needed an additional person to play. They needed a person, and I was sitting three feet away from him, and he didn't even think to ask me if I wanted to play! We hashed that out and I thought I was over it, but last night kind of brought it all back up.

                            I wouldn't really care if he said he just wanted to play by himself or something, what bothers me is that he wants to play with my friends without me. It's been happening since last weekend. He plays as soon as he gets home from work, but when I come over he has no interest in anything what so ever. He won't play the game with me when I ask, he just wants to sit on his couch and do nothing until he falls asleep. But when he can play with them or by himself, boom, he's all about it. He even stayed up twenty hours straight last week to play.

                            So yeah whatever, dismiss it as childish because I'm upset about a game, but it's not really the game I'm upset about. It's the fact that my boyfriend loves to play video games with my circle of friends, but can't stand to play them with me.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Witch View Post
                              I'm willing to concede that I'm probably overreacting, but its hard to ignore what I'm feeling. Gaming isn't just a hobby, it's one of our strongest common interests we share and part of the reason we fell in love in the first place. For the better part of my life, gaming has been how I socialize, connect, and stay in touch with people I care about. When we play we join a voice chat and use headsets to talk to one another, and we don't just talk about the game. We catch up on everyday things like work and the weather, but we also plan to do things altogether and as a group. i.e., when we played last weekend we ended up planning a biking trip for the next day where we all got to get outside and spend time together. Had we not played the game that night, we never would have talked and planned that. It's not just a "game" for us, it's a very social experience. When you dismiss it as just a game you're demeaning the whole experience. My brother, sister, our cousins and most of our in-laws all game together online via computer or Xbox. I wouldn't be half as close to the people I'm close with if we didn't play games together. Again, I'm probably overreacting over last night, but I can't help what I'm feeling.

                              Admittedly, I'm still kind of bitter about last weekend because I went to his house to hang out with him and spend some time together and he ended up playing a game with my circle of friends without me. Like I was literally three feet away from him in the middle of having a conversation when he interrupted to let me know he was playing a game with them. Mind you, I only get to see him for roughly two and a half hours a night before he falls asleep, and he decided to spend the majority of that time playing a game while I sat on his couch and twiddled my thumbs. It still blows my mind, because they literally needed an additional person to play. They needed a person, and I was sitting three feet away from him, and he didn't even think to ask me if I wanted to play! We hashed that out and I thought I was over it, but last night kind of brought it all back up.

                              I wouldn't really care if he said he just wanted to play by himself or something, what bothers me is that he wants to play with my friends without me. It's been happening since last weekend. He plays as soon as he gets home from work, but when I come over he has no interest in anything what so ever. He won't play the game with me when I ask, he just wants to sit on his couch and do nothing until he falls asleep. But when he can play with them or by himself, boom, he's all about it. He even stayed up twenty hours straight last week to play.

                              So yeah whatever, dismiss it as childish because I'm upset about a game, but it's not really the game I'm upset about. It's the fact that my boyfriend loves to play video games with my circle of friends, but can't stand to play them with me.
                              Can you seriously not see how pathetic all that sounds? Why don't you do what grown ups do and arrange social gatherings with friends and relatives at a pub or restaurant or something, or even invite them over. It's what normal people who are not addicted to stupid games do.

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