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How many hours a week does your bf/hubby work?

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  • How many hours a week does your bf/hubby work?

    We have been together for over 2yrs now and the beginning he worked 12hr+ shifts a day, 5 days a week and occasional few hrs on weekends "to get us where we want to be" with the promise it would'nt always be like this.
    We are now there- he got a new job, we have moved countries, and the desire to work work work is back. SIGH! Maybe i'm being unreasonable? So we are at 12hr shifts 5 days a week again. Praying it doesn't end up a few hours on wkends also.

  • #2
    Do you also work? What issue do you have with his working for a goal? Is the goal desired by both of you?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      My husband works 60 to 70 hours a week. This is a definite career calling however, not something that will change with time and obviously accepted that when we were dating. He works in the public eye and leads a very different life from me. Our time together is precious and meaningful on both sides. I'm involved in other areas, not just my own work, so the arrangement is mutually beneficial to both of us. I would never want him to compromise the success he has in his career or his career goals for our relationship. That doesn't jive with me and he understands that I respect him more for pursuing his goals and vice versa.

      If you're not happy with this set up, you do need to come together as a couple and talk about long term goals and plans. Give each other realistic projections and be considerate to each other in sticking to them. If plans change, both of you should be willing to talk about options and there should be some flexibility for compromise. Timing is important. Both parties need to feel comfortable about your shared future goals and how you want to get there together and enjoy your precious time together.

      This is just a suggestion and I'm not saying you don't have anything else going for you. If you need enrichment look into more professional development or career advancement projects. You should be feeling fulfilled in your own life and like you are close to maximizing your own potential. This contributes to your general mood and outlook and does affect your relationship.
      Last edited by Rose Mosse; November 7th, 2018, 02:04 PM.

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      • #4
        Keeping in mind that people's needs can be different than our own even if we have a full life outside of the relationship, I'll acknowledge that your needs have to be communicated to your boyfriend and if he does nothing to change his work schedule (particularly because you have reached the goal(s) he set for himself when working so much before) then maybe after two years together, you're finding out that the two of you are not compatible in "needs" and perhaps you need to re-evaluate the relationship as a whole.

        Since "getting to where you want to be" have you talked to him about what you've told us?
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
          Keeping in mind that people's needs can be different than our own even if we have a full life outside of the relationship, I'll acknowledge that your needs have to be communicated to your boyfriend and if he does nothing to change his work schedule (particularly because you have reached the goal(s) he set for himself when working so much before) then maybe after two years together, you're finding out that the two of you are not compatible in "needs" and perhaps you need to re-evaluate the relationship as a whole.

          Since "getting to where you want to be" have you talked to him about what you've told us?
          Yes I have. His response is, it is temporary and he wont be extended unless he puts in the work. I guess my understanding is needed. These new working hours just came it a sensitive time. Im trying ti assimilate in a new country/culture etc. It wouldnt be an issue if I had my own thing going for me, which I will eventually. I just really have to try and not fester on it.

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          • #6
            SeonaBear My husband works full time 40 hours a week but there is commute time as well which is time consuming with miles and heavy traffic. On some days he works from home if possible.

            For your sake, perhaps both of you can get jobs which are not 12 hours per day. For some jobs, there are sacrifices such as very long days. It's life. Hope you two can work things out.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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            • #7
              Originally posted by SeonaBear View Post

              Yes I have. His response is, it is temporary and he wont be extended unless he puts in the work. I guess my understanding is needed. These new working hours just came it a sensitive time. Im trying ti assimilate in a new country/culture etc. It wouldnt be an issue if I had my own thing going for me, which I will eventually. I just really have to try and not fester on it.
              Then there you go. Do your best to not fester on it and work on getting yourself assimilated which will keep your mind off of his being gone for long hours.

              I think most of us have gone through what you're going through in the early stages of a union when goals are trying to be met, bills need to be paid, homes bought etc.

              Cheers!
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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